Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 09/07/2011

I was choking the other day. Really choking. I was sitting at home. Alone, of course, when suddenly I had what seemed to be a reflux issue. I'd had lots of these episodes back when I was in nursing school, but this time I really started couphing, gasping for air. I wasn't scared, then suddenly I looked at my bird and realized I could be lying there, unconcious or dead and there would be no one to care for him until it was too late.

I remember literally locking eyes with him and calling on God to save me. I made a promise to eat better if He did. Then everything suddenly was okay. Incredible. But this taught me a lesson. Many times I've heard that people live longer if they have someone in their lives. Now, I see it as having anything--including a bird. Like I said, I wasn't afraid, visions of seeing my husband. But then my little bird sat there, completly helpless, and I thought different.

So, to widows or widowers in our group--those new on this journey, those old on this journey--get a pet. Get something to love and care for. Something that depends on you. It doesn't have to be a dog. A cat, bird, rat, anything that will make you see a reason to live.

I'm not talking to any particular group. I'm not suicidal. I'm just a strong beliver in God and the Heaven that awaits me. I don't fear death, but I want the best for my little chipper, the little fellow that sings to me all day.

Tru

cleodoggie 09/07/2011

I already had a dog when Jim died-I call her his dog a basset hound who is now 12 years old and soon to join him. After he died I purchased a basset hound puppy and boy did she keep me busy. Having a pet a dog, cat, bird, hamster any kind is a great thing for we who grieve. I know my two bassets were what i lived for at the time. I call myself a doggie mama and that's just what I am because my dogs are a large part of my life. Good Post Truhal Hugs

widowhoodsucks 09/07/2011

I know exactly what you are saying. I have 2 dogs and a cat that depend on me. I find myself worrying about what would happen to them if I wasn't here. Use to never think about this kind of stuff when my husband was alive. Glad you are ok. Hugs. Barbara

deleted_user 09/07/2011

We had two liIttle dogs when Scott passed away. Mickey, our maltese, was a daddy's boy and became ill and his whole personality changed once Scott was gone. I took him to the vet on numerous occasions, cuddled him as much as he'd allow, and 15 months later, he was gone too. He was probably around 13....don't know for sure....both dogs are rescues. Still have my little yorkie. In a nutshell, I put both my dogs in my will (it's worded so that whatever pet(s) I may have are covered. I had never worried about this before either.

Mgould 09/07/2011

I have a hairy dog named Max that desperately needs to be groomed. He's not the smartest dog on the block - but - he always brings me a shoe or dog toy when I come in the door - his (little) tail wags like crazy (he's half schnauzer) and when it's time for bed I say "come on Max it's time for bed" - he sleeps in the same bed.

1Patriciann 09/07/2011

As a disabled widow living alone I carry my cell phone in my fanny pack strapped to my waist 24/7 as I sometimes fall with muscle weakness. I have three pet parakeets and do think about them suffering to death if I die as there is no one to check in now and then. If I can call for help at least they would not be left to die alone.

I have been coping several years now so I'm used to it but you are so right with someone that is new to this they could very easily feel overwhelmed and now know how to cope well.

It takes time to adjust to such a situation and sharing here can be a huge help.

((hugs)) to everyone going through this.

:-) Patricia

deleted_user 09/07/2011

i think that of my kitties, my babies all the time...i look at them and i know they need me...a lot....i've lost one due to old age and cancer..her brother is old too...17..and he's loosing strength..i know i need to be here for him..as hes my buddy and my other two kitties too..thanks for the reminder...we all need that sometimes...

gone2soon 09/07/2011

I didn't have any pets when Melvin died. It was the hardest thing to come home to an empty house. About six weeks ago I got a hairy dog named Max (MGould) and he is the greatest little guy. He greats me when I get home and my evening is devoted to walking him, playing with him and trying to train him. It has been the most wonderful adventure. He is 18 weeks old. He has made the biggest difference in my life. I still miss my honey more than anything in the world but Max is helping me to cope. Already he senses my moods and will come and cuddle with me. I am so happy to have him in my life right now.

cheerryG 09/07/2011

So glad you were OK! If you are choking and alone - go to a kitchen chair and lean hard on the back of it, right where you would do a Heimlich, keep doing it until you stop choking. Also if you have heart distress, coughing repeatedly every 6-8 sec can keep your heart rythim going until help arrives. I wish I was able to have a pet where I live - someone that cares for me, like your bird. I have been really sick since my Les died, and I don`t think there is anything worse than being alone and feeling bad - what I wouldn`t give for a neck rub and a bowl of soup!

Truhal 09/08/2011

Cherry, I thought of that when it was happening, but I've got those counter height chairs and I'm short. Right now, I've got a mental image of me looking for a ladder while this was happening(lol). I'm very short.

By the way, I've lived in many buildings that didn't allow pets, but birds are not considered a pet. They're viewed like fish among rental agents. If you get one, make sure you get a quiet spieces like a Cockatiel. Some birds can be quite loud and therefore unsuitable for apartment living.

Tru

edithbathgate 09/08/2011

3 dogs and 2 cats wake me us in the morning and keep me going all day. I am no longer living in a family, but a pack!

deleted_user 09/08/2011

I already had a cat. We had to put our dog down 1 month before my husband passed. I have since adopted a little border collie. It is so nice to have them to come home to. If I didn't have their love don't know what I would do.

Shrn 09/08/2011

As a child I was raised without pets. Mom thought them and immediately said "No" As soon as we owned our own home Don and I had a dog join our family and have never been without them. Alaska is a male Eskie who has been here 8 years and his littermate, Abbey, joined me after Don died. Don't think I could exist without them. Sharon

kynessie 09/08/2011

I have a cat and a dog. Both are my alarm clocks. Every morning including weekend, I have to be up at 7am to feed and let him out for a few minutes. They let me know at 7:01 that I'm sleeping too long. My dog is a good watch dog too. He was Brian's dog and he misses Brian terribly, but has become very loyal to me and will not allow strangers physically close to me. In a way, I like that.

Nessie from KY

deleted_user 09/08/2011

Agree completely........just moved and took my 5 cats....1 rescue and 4 feral who were tamed from the time they were kittens.......I know people think I"m nuts butr I really don't care.....................my husband and I watched those cats grow...............and I couldn't part with them.......wondered how on earth I would ever be able to move and take them with...................thankfully my son and his family said come and stay with us while your house is build and they can stay here in the garage............................so I was blessed to be able to do that........
L

NewRoadsForMe 09/09/2011

I think God created animals to be our companions, in good times and bad. Since Joe died, I got a 2nd cat, a kitten, and she and my 6 yr old cat have become friends. They are so entertaining! The young one licks the older one on the head, like grooming her. It's so cute. And, they are creatures of habit. When I turn off the TV at night, the rouse from wherever they are (with me or elsewhere) and they run and jump on the bed because they know that's where I'm going. I share the space with them and they "hug" me and feel warm. I don't know what I would do without my kitties to love and care for. They love and care for me, too. And then, there are the 15 or so feral cats outside that look to me for breakfast and supper. One in particular is very loving to me, so I got him fixed and he is my bes bud when I am outside. Thank you, God, for giving us animals to love and to love us.

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