Choices, we all have them to make and at times while they may be hard to make, they are also ours to make…

It’s easy to make the right choices when everything is aligned just right and we fail to remember that life itself is made of challenges that come uninvited on our journey. Even the flattest road will have potholes…A calm river ripples…

The choices made in time of sorrow and grieve will often define the length of the raging storm.

3.5 years ago I was also thrown in the mist of the biggest storm of my life when my husband lost his battle with Lung Cancer 8 days after diagnosis…It was not much of a battle at all and when that storm rage through it did only take away my husband, it shattered my heart, destroyed my future and left and empty shell…

It came down to making choices…The choice to give up so very tempting or the choice to stay and do right for my children…The choice to give in to negative temptations to dull my pain or the choice to work through my pain in a more positive manner…The choice to stay stuck in time and relieve the nightmare or the choice to fight my way back.

From the moment we made that desperate search to find help and understanding through this site, we were making a choice to seek understanding, comfort, guidance among other things…We were making the choice to hope that things would somehow get better …We were making the choice to heal bit by bit with the help of others …We were making the choice to have the right to cry, scream, indulge in the pain in order to survive it…

I have been here 3 years taking support and offering support, wondering if I dare hope to believe what others further along in their journey shared in the form of hope…Making the choice to not expect quick and fast results but rather to take it as suggested day by day, often minute by minute in order to move forward…Accepting that to move forward I would often falter and step backward.

3.5 years ago, I wondered how I would get through the next minute and could not fathom much of what was being shared by others further along but I was desperate for even a grain of hope and with a leap of faith trusted  in those who had walk the journey prior .

From that storm I was meant to survive and rebuilt and bit by bit, I did and in doing so honouring the one I loved and lost making our life together matter, making his spirit survive, allowing happy memories to shine through and guide me along.

For those who are newer on this journey here is a glimpse of my journey. At 48, with no formal education and no employment I not only lost my husband but was also left with the worries of a financial future and how to make ends meet. The house I was living in carrying a mortgage that a widow pension would not cover. Dipping into my savings and an insurance I made the choice that I would return to the work place to help my finances but would do so in a field that meant something to me. I was done with low paying low satisfaction jobs and I would go after a long put on hold dream. 

In the last 3 years I gained part time work while I took on the role of a full time student to become an Educational-assistant.  This past summer, after 2 years in an apprenticeship program combine with college courses , I obtained my apprenticeship certification as an EA…I am currently in the process of doing my last college course and should be receiving my college Diploma by the end of the year. Imagine that! At 52 years old I will finally be a college graduate… It was not easy by any means, and I fought my way through each and every step of the way but not once did I want to give up because I knew in my heart that he was guiding me and bringing me strength to go on. I have now applied for a position with the school board and hope to see the hard work pay off. I am not stressed or worried as I realised a long time ago that I had choices…I could chose to sweat and worry about things out of my power or I could chose to give it my best and let what was meant to be happen.  I also chose to realise that the worst has already happen and I will always have other options.

Yesterday was the 29th year anniversary of our very first date and I remembered that day fondly, allowing the sweet memory to make my day easier. I have survived, I am rebuilding and I find joy in my life all because I made the choice to hope in what others were saying…”There is hope”