Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Cherish the Void

raininseattle
raininseattle

It will be next month that I lost my best friend, lover for two years. I put it out there first to give others some perspective of the timeline. When someone is two weeks, three months out they can't imagine how they'll last that long. I don't either.


One of the hallmarks of "getting better" - I put them in parenthesis as this is what friends and family will conclude - is to let life get in the way. Getting back into the grind. Re-gaining the energy to concentrate the daily tasks while having the emotional fortitude not to get sucked in by the vortex that grief is. When we lost the anchor that keeps us at bay, the little boat that we are drifts into the sea, and more often than not we run into these storms that had our hearts broken.


At some point in my journey it went completely the opposite. I had myself down so anchored down that the pain hasn't been felt for months. I refuse to throw a pity party as it does not serve me. In other words, the grief was suppressed without realizing it. This morning as I was tossing in bed I got mad. I want to share my love but have nowhere to send it - that's when I was at my loneliest. As my heart starts to break a little bit, I suddenly realize that she came for a visit, and my feelings of love was polished and feels shiny again.

staygolden3
staygolden3
Interesting thoughts… Thanks so much for sharing them with us. I think at one point or another, those of us around a little longer have been down every one of those roads.

I'm glad you had a visit and you're all polished and shiny again! Have the best day that you can and always look up!
Hugs!!!
Darcie
Cavewifelost
Cavewifelost
Rainseattle, I'm blessed I found this board early on. I literally stopped when I got my first encouraging response. Reading through so many posts, I've discovered that I'm not weak and I'm not being a baby. What's happening to me is normal, and I'm beginning to allow myself to embrace it. People who have not experienced it cannot even begin to imagine what we're going through. They are sympathetic but still blessedly ignorant . Staying busy does help, and I have a lot of projects around the house that I plan to tackle as soon as my husband's memorial is over. Right now I'm focused on that, but come Friday night, it will be done, people will go home, and the majority of tears will have been shed. Not my tears, of course, but I know my grief is going to be a burden that I will have to bear primarily alone. I know that I will eventually get past my grief or at least most of my grief because I am, fortunately, a very strong person, but healing and learning to live without him will be the most joyless task. I feel certain in my heart that I will never be as happy again as I was with him and that may be the deepest cut of all, because I knew deep and utter joy with him. Be strong, my friend. I hope, like you, I will feel him touch me when my days are at their darkest. <3 Anita