So, last night because it was our first date 38 years ago, I pulled out journals I had written in since 1997, where I had recorded thoughts, feelings and events that occurred in our lives. I have about twelve journals and I had put together photos from the time we dated to the present, what I have done since he passed away. I bought a personal pizza and told my daughters, who was not happy with me being by myself, that it would be just him and me strolling down memory lane. I got an epiphany while looking at the Big Bang Theory and I said "this night will not be any different than the nights before." I will watch the programs I normally look at, and when the commercials came on, I would read the journals. I refuse to allow myself to become overly dramatic and cry all night long. He has been gone 17 months and I have come to the realization I will not see him again on this side of Heaven. I enjoyed my raisin toast and hot chocolate and was so grateful for the memories we shared. There is a blog called "Widow's Christian Place", and today the article is called "On the way to spiritual Health. Please read it as she has given me a lot of food for thought. At Midnight I prayed for my family and for all of us as we tread unknown waters that we will be strengthened and have peace that surpasses all understanding. I cried and afterward I return to the TV and watched programs that made me laugh. This is my new norm for New Year's Eve. He and I were in church every year for twenty-five years and I can't drive at night. God bless us all that we will prosper in health as well as finances, that most important we will draw closer to God.