Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Celebrating an accomplishment

katie2016
katie2016

As it is for many of us, the grocery store has become an anxiety inducing building.  My husband and I usually did the shopping together - especially when it was to pick up more than just a few items.  He'd often remark, when seeing a woman with a full cart and shopping alone, "where is her husband?"  Well....now we know one possible answer to that question....And then he would load all the bags into the car.  Especially if it was cold out, he'd basically order me to get in the car while he took care of things.  He'd bring them all in, and often he would do most of the unpacking.  We joked that my family had this uncanny sense of when we were home from shopping and would call at that precise momeny (he was sure I had a pager to let them know :)


Well, it took me 7 months (to the exact day, in fact), but I finally managed a proper grocery store run today.  First time I have used a cart and gone up and down most of the aisles.  (usually it's a basket and running in for just a few of the absolute necessities and get out asap).  Started to feel the anxiety well up, but breathed through it and did it.  I would have NEVER thought 7 months and 1 day ago that a regular, old, done it a thousand times, trip to the grocery store could feel like an accomplishment.  Crazy.  The other good news for me is that I probably won't have to repeat that for at least another month.  :)

JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
Oh Katie! I celebrate with you!! You did it girl!!
I know how it used to trigger extreme emotional bouts for me. I too, avoided big shopping for a few months, after Ben's passing. AWW!! I'm so glad you accomplished your big shop.......Every little acomplishment is a huge Achievement, isn't it?
You brought back memories for me too. Ben, also loved our shopping time, together...as we got older, it became an adventure for us.
Just this week, in the produce section, they had boxes of figs on sale...oh boy!!?.Bens favourite!.....big memory trigger for me....I just let my tears flow as people watched ( funny, i guess nowadays people do cry when they see fruit!)
Memories for us, become beautiful and healing...in time, I sure have plenty of those!
You did great Katie!....thanks for sharing, your lovely memories with us.
Hugs....Sandra
staygolden3
staygolden3
Way to go Katie! That is a tough one to tackle...that grocery store!
I think it takes most of us awhile to do it, well at least the full cart thing. Things sure look different from this side of the fence don't they? Everyone one has a story I guess. We don't usually realize it though until our page gets turned and now we too have a new story.
Your memories are priceless! Funny about your getting phone calls during the unpacking process. I'd take a bathroom break before unpacking. When I'd get back, Ira would have most things put away. Lol. He said I did it on purpose but I said...hey....when nature calls...ya gotta answer.....heehee....
Love to you Katie. You did a great job! One step at a time sweet lady.
Have the best day possible today...
Big hugs!
Darcie
waybackjack
waybackjack
Wife and I shopped for groceries together. We drew up a weekly list, cut it in half, and went our separate ways down the aisles, meeting at the cashier. Very efficient. :-) When she contracted dementia, I became the sole shopper, not to mention her primary caregiver. Now I use the grocery store as an escape from the misery of no longer having her. It's something I look forward to each week.
missinghim1985
missinghim1985
Awesome! I remember Chad's mom was telling me her friend who had also lost a son told her not to go to the grocery store. His mom was like but I take the baby (his niece) all the time, it won't be like that. I was like maybe listen to her for a while, I didn't think of the implications the grocery store would have on me and I went.... I quickly text his mother NOT to go to the grocery store! I'm proud of you! I switched to a new store thats on my way home from the cemetery, made a new normal every Sunday :)
snowalone
snowalone
The first few times I shopped at "our" grocery store (within the 1 to 5 month time frame after his death), I literally thought I might go insane, scream, and run from the store! Every aisle held a favorite food, or a memory of a hypo-glycemic squabble, or one of an impromptu game of catch (usually initiated by John). And of course invariably a song comes over their music loop that will trigger a wellspring of tears. Now I actually don't often mind shopping, in fact it can be a respite from the loneliness with it's endless energy and opportunity to be around people without really being around people. Loading the 5 gallon water jugs in and out of the car is another issue though!
raininseattle
raininseattle
Great job! I'm proud of you that you have set a precedence of overcoming a trigger. Eventually this will be one thing that you will feel comfortable in your new normal...
loveddogs
loveddogs
Good for you Katie! I too had difficulty going to the store except to Walmart in the middle of the night. My husband did most of the shopping and would be at the store nearly every day. He'd always call to see if I needed something. It took me months to even cook a meal. And now our two favorite stores have been torn down. A new one just opened up at the site of one of the old ones. Much easier to shop, yet I still have triggers when I see some of his favorite foods. The triggers still come whether it's at the store, a song on a radio or just coming home. But it has gotten better after fifteen months. Kuddo's for you for pushing the envelope. I even went to dinner by myself at one of our restaurant haunts for many years. We have to keep keeping on! Hugs and Love to all, Michele
katie2016
katie2016
Thanks everyone. I had a bit of a laugh reading the comments. Imagine telling anyone else "hey! I went to the grocery store. Yay for me!" They'd think I was crazy. But you all completely and totally get it, and I love that. It is odd how the smallest, most mundane details of our lives are the ones that can be the most difficult. Sending out peace and love to everyone struggling with the seemingly silliest of things. Kate.
DarrellTexas
DarrellTexas
It is good to see you are confronting it, Katie.

I always did most of the shopping as we lived and I still live in the country and the stores were on the way home from work. I avoided stores as much as possible the first weeks and months but was finally forced as the pantry was bare. The strangest part of it was to walk through the store and see all of the things I would usually buy for my wife. Every aisle was loaded with triggers and that really required adjustment on my part. I remember the first weeks and months as I went down those aisles with tears flowing as I would see items I would normally buy. You have managed to take that first step and, hopefully, it shall become easier for you.

Blessings -

Darrell
jesys
jesys
We went 'to town' to buy his drugs so often (cancer) that now to go to town to the store is a bad memory--I go for groceries or whatever and think I should turn toward the pharmacy. You did great, I commend you!!! I miss his pumping the gas in my car, now I have to get out and do it, not that I'm not able! It was just so sweet of him. If ever I get a second chance with someone, I swear he'll never have had it so good as I'm so totally appreciative of all my husband did. And the dirt tracked into the house-- which I swept up (and inside my thoughts blamed him for): guess what, there is still some tracked in, oops guess it was partly mine. Live and learn. We can be thankful we had good spouses. Sad but very very very thankful.