So sorry for the loss of your husband. I know you want answers, and sadly sometimes there just aren't any. My husband succumbed to COPD, about 4 years after the diagnosis...but many others survive for decades. I have friends with a 7 year old grandson who is in remission from lymphoma, and that got me to thinking about all the medical advances and we wonder why our loved ones couldn't be so blessed. All we can do is the grieving part and try to avoid the guilt or regret that we all encounter along the way. I pray for you to find peace. Take it one day at a time.

Why? Answers. We all want them.

Why the neighbor's house is still standing but everything you have is blown away.

Why the guy next door doesn't get lung cancer and is never seen without a cigarette in his hand.

Why someone who was never sick and takes good care of himself has a heart attack while 1000 people traipse in and out of the local McDonald's overweight with Big Mac on their breath.

Why the minister's wife, close to an angel on earth if ever there was, dies suddenly of a stroke while that crabby old biddy down the street who has probably never seen the inside of a church is still alive.

Why, indeed.

Life seems unfair...because...ironically it is. Life happens. The only thing we can control is our reaction to these "happenings".

There is no black or white.
Only shades of gray.

We say that Death is bad.

If Hitler had died at birth...would that have been bad?

~breathe~

Instead of trying to understand "why", be thankful for what is...and has been...and is to be...

(((((hugs)))

Carla

I am so sorry for your loss. My perfectly healthy husband also passed away from lung and bone cancer 8 mos. after diagnosis. Since I have some health problems, I always thought I'd go first. We were all in shock with the diagnosis. I try to tell people I know that we just never know how long we have, but unfortunately they don't really understand how our lives can change in an instant unless they've been there. I just have to try to be thankful for the time we had and the memories we made together. You are in my thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort. Take care, Sandra

I for me truly believe if its our day to die its that day no matter what.
I question my belief at times - but deep down came to believe that, the ways in which people died though sometimes leaves a big ? mark.
I am a 15 yr breast cancer survivor, w/ stage 3 rare hard to beat gene,
a gal who had stage 1 is now dead, she was epitome of health - all of us going through our treatments at that time were shocked...

I have to agree with Nicker. When our time is up, our time is up. We all know the chain smoking, rum drinking pain in the a** guy down the street that lives on after our mates and will probably be the same pain in the a** in the nursing home at 90. Then, there is the fit, god fearing, diet concious 38 year old that has a fatal heart attack for no apparent reason leaving behind a loving wife and 2 little ones. Why?

No answers, no second guesses. Life happens and although it is nearly impossible to accept, accept we must at some point.

My condolences for the loss of your husband. I, too, lost my husband to cancer in just 3 months time. He was diagnosed with melanoma throughout his body...lungs, bones, liver, spleen...and had no symptoms at all. He was under a doctor's care and saw a dermatologist regularly. We were shocked. The Universe works in strange ways. Now, I feel grateful for the sudden onset because he didn't have to suffer for too long a time as his illness was short. Stay strong and all the best to you.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is so normal to question why? How could that happen? Unfortunately we have no control which is so hard. We can do our best to lead a healthy life but still may not have any control of our destiny. Sending you my prayers, hugs Lu Ann

thanks everybody for your replies.Hugs.Ann

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. No one knows what an earth-shattering shock that is until it happens to them. I also lost my husband to lung cancer and he was very healthy otherwise. I am not as careful as I should be in what I eat and I hate exercise unless it is yard work or hiking. My health is good, and I expect to be the last person alive on earth and I will turn out the lights. It's a mystery we will never know the answer to. As for me, I just keep talking to God and letting him know what my agony is, or what my questions are, and to give me strength to live for him until it is my time. When I die one evening, I hope I didn't give up eating that big piece of chocolate cake at lunch.

I ask myself that same question everyday...WHY? My husband died of stomach cancer 5 month ago. He put up a real fight for 10 months before it won. I was married to him for 30 years and he was never in the hospital except for a kidney stone and he was out of the hospital the same day. I thought, with my high blood pressure and bad cholesterol, I would have gone first. NOT!!! Things just don't work out that way in this world. I so agree with Carla.

I see so many people who don't do anything to contribute to society and are just a poor excuse for a human beings...and my husband, who would have done anything to help someone. He mattered here. So why did God take him?

So now the flipside to my anger is that I know he is in Heaven doing God's work. I know he isn't suffering anymore, and I know he loved me and his children unconditionally. But not having him here in my life somehow doesn't make all these things easy to endure.

There are so many things in our environment that can cause cancer. Scented candles--they smell good, but did you know they can kill a bird and bird owners are told not to buy them. And it's impossible to avoid all of the chemicals, too.

I'm so sorry for your loss.