I want to thank all of you for your uplifting, generous, and warm comments toward me. I was really surprised to find such loving and caring concern on this site. I'v been busy with my list of things to do and packing. But I was grateful to speak to a wonderful chaplain at the VA whom helped me greatly. He asked some difficult questions which I've had to really think about a few things. I've always been an open book so answering the easy questions I can just roll those out without a thought. I know logically I need to move on but my heart doesn't want to move on. I know that this is ok to feel this way too.

The difficult part for me will be this weekend. I will be going to San Diego, CA to visit family and take time for quiet moments at the beach. This will be the first time when I won't have a to do list, won't be working, won't be worrying about packing stuff, and won't be worrying about caring for anything or anyone but me. This feels a little scary to me. I don't know how much I will fall apart. My dark place that I spoke of before was wanting to end my life because he was so much a part of my life. I know that was stupid to even think of it but I have found someone to talk to and I'm no longer thinking of ways to end my life. I'm just scared of feeling all of the pain with no distractions. There were plenty of distractions as he fought for his life and after his death. But this time it will be mostly me alone with thoughts of him and talking to him.

I thank god that I have found this sight and that so many of you reached out to me and left wonderful words of comfort to me. I was so blessed in life to find my husband and he was such a great man and he helped me in so many ways. I did reach out to another group for just widows and will be going to that soon. I think it will be much better than the other group I went to.

Thank you again all so very much for your support and words which have helped me so much. I definitely plan on checking in on this site more often.

Unicorn