I can totally relate to your feelings. In the early stages of my grief I was so angry at God for taking my wife so young. I told him repeatedly 'you really really hurt me'. After several months of turmoil one day I told myself you cant sit on the fence. You eithier trust and surrender yourself to God or you dont. I made the decision to trust him and he has had to carry me through some very dark periods while grieving but he has carried me. Even for people of faith your feeling are totally normal. Wishing you gentle days ahead.

Yes...I am experiencing exactly what you are...I prayed that my husband was in Heaven, but that's all I've been able to muster up in that department...I too feel like we've been 'ripped off', or forsaken. My husband was by no means a perfect man, but he was a devout Christian. I prayed and prayed for a miracle, or at least for a little more time with him...I kept asking for at least one more year...he passed away March 19, two months after being diagnosed with end stage liver disease...and I feel like my entire soul has been sucked out of me, like my life is pointless. I go to sleep crying, and wake up the same way. I understand what you are feeling...like 'what did we do to deserve this'?

It's been over 2 and a half years since my wife passed. At first I was mad too. I had prayed every day she in the ICU, 27 days. I felt as God abandoned us. I since don't believe that. I was trying to blame someone and God was handy. My pastor said something tome the other day that made me thing even more. He asked me if I thought whether I thought God was in control or in charge. After a time I said in charge and he agreed. If he is in control it wouldn't make sense because of all the bad and evil that is in the world.

My wife passed after trying to beat breast cancer for 6 months. God give us free will and I don't think he either choose or allowed my wife to die. It just happened and he had other plans for her once she went home. It's interesting I have had a few dreams with her since she passed. In one she told me " since I took this job she hasn't given me much time off". Hey maybe God is female? I had this dream after I had an especially bad week where I kept asking her where are you and why haven't I had anymore dreams. Funny how this works isn't it.

So just know the feelings you are having, most of us have had as well. My faith is my comfort in the fact I know I will see my wife again.

Take care, Jeff

This too, shall pass. Be Patient..

Morning glory, I've been re-reading Harold Kushners book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" -it helped me enormously when my son died 24 years ago, and is helping me now.
Rabbi Kushners belief is that God is not in "control" - he does not cause these horrible things to happen to us, to punish us, for the innocent to suffer, for evil in the world, for random tragedies... But He is there to bring comfort, to bring together community, to bring together support when we experience these sorrows.
I had a whole faith community come together when our son died. I had a whole community of friends rally when Rob died, and a year later when I had heart surgery.
Reading the book has helped me. It reminded me of the validity of my beliefs not only in God, but in my brothers and sisters in this journey of life, too...
Peace be with you...
Jacq.

Morning......I could have written your post. I either don't know how to pray or God is not listening......I have to have my faith, but it has been shaken to the core.

I too felt very separated from God right after my husband died. We had been helped with prayers many times before he died. Then it felt like a wall went up. Where was God when I needed him most. For Christians I think this is one of the hardest trials, trying to reconcile our grief with our beliefs. We trust they are in heaven but as you put it WE are shaken to the core. A friend gave me some books which helped:- Why, by Anne Graham Lotz, When you lose someone you love, by Richard Exley & Grieving with hope by Samuel J. Hodges & Kathy Leonard. These have helped me to understand that God did not "take" my loved one but rather that because we have sin in the world death exists. However, God is there to help us through it. It's been 8 months now and I feel like I can talk to Him again. He's had to listen to me rant at him and cry out in pain. My relationship with him is different now just the same as it is with everyone else. We are all changed by grief. I hope this helps to know others have felt this way to. Liz

I always feel so opposite from others....I feel my faith is deep...but where is my commitment? I prayed for God to take my JIm...and right after he went into that sleepy tyoe coma...I then tried to take it back...but could not....this is such a journey...I am really trying to connect with my catholic roots..this was a time BEFORE my Jim...there was a me before my he...im trying to find her..

I pray for strength, I pray for guidance, and I pray for hope. I do know that faith is all I have sometimes, and that as long as I stop and remember my faith, I will have the strength to get through this.

MorningGI,

When my husband first passed in Jan 2015. I felt as though God had abandoned me. I even told a friend at the funeral "God has abandoned me, he has forgot all about me". I had begged God to save Gary and give me some more time. God has been the only supporter as I work through this grief. I have grown closer to God. I could not at first, I was like you. A book that has helped me so very much is "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I only have the daily devotion, that was given to me by me aunt. It is unlike an other devotion I have ever read. It is like God is speaking to me specifically each day. I am looking for the full version. God Bless and prayers!

I've lost my faith, too. It's just been recently that I've been talking to God, again.

I believe God understands how you feel.....ever hear the song Somebody Touched God for Me ????? Those who love you are praying for you as well as many here in this site.................it has been over 5 yrs. since my love went to be with the Lord................I am ok most of the time............just miss him..............and so much looking forward to seeing him again..................some days are harder than others............hugs............Lori

Its normal, He still loves us! I'm at 9 months and I pray for him to come and take me I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting. With no purpose. Most days are good days but when the bad ones come they knock me totally to my knees.

I am sorry for your loss. In my husbands last few years of fighting his cancer, there were many times when I prayed to the Lord to heal him. He suffered quite alot, both mentally and of course physically . Over and over we prayed for his healing. It wasn't until after he passed that I realized that He aswered our prayers. - Prayer increases our ability to accept the present moment. You cannot live in the future, you can only live in the now. The present moment is already as it ought to be, even if we do not understand why it is as it is. - Michael Kelly

I am so sorry for the tragic loss of your husband. After just 3 weeks, you are still in the "foggy" zone of trying to believe it's true. I found it hard to concentrate on anything in the first weeks following my husband's death, and praying more than a sentence involves concentration.

I don't believe God has forsaken any of us. We know from an early age that everyone dies. We would like for everyone we love to die at age 110 in their sleep; unfortunately babies, teenagers, and adults of all ages die. In the Bible, James 4:14 says: "Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." I know it is very hard when we lose our mate at any age.
I hope that you will read some encouraging scriptures in the Psalms.
One is: Psalm 27:1 - "The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid"

I don't know if you listen to the Gaither Homecoming group sing hymns on tv. They are the old songs that I (being an "old person") grew up hearing. The one I am quoting below is sung on You Tube and I find it encouraging.

GOD ON THE MOUNTAIN

Life is easy when you're up on the mountain, and you've got peace of mind like you've never known.
But then things change and you're down in the valley;
Don't lose faith, for you're never alone.

Chorus
For the God on the mountain is still God in the Valley,
When things go wrong, He'll make them right.
And the God of the good times, is still God in the bad times.
The God of the Day is still God in the night.

You talk of faith when you're up on the mountain.
But the talk comes so easy when life's at its best;
But it's down in the valley of trials and temptations;
That's when our faith is really put to the test.

Repeat chorus

I'm sending hugs to you and encouraging you to hold on to your faith.
Doye