I'm sorry for your loss Russ. I still feel the same way after loosing my wife almost 11 months ago. I'm not sure it will ever be any different for me. My profile is open please feel free to look at it. I describe what happened.
I know she is gone and I won't see her again until it is my time to go. Others here have been so great to me and I have learned a lot from them. I have learned that even though we are all different our experiences with grief aren't that much different. We are all here for you and others who want to come here to talk about anything. It helps. I know.
God Bless

I definitely have the same problem. My husband died 04/06 and I still can't believe he's gone. I just don't know how to go on without the most important person in my life. I do understand how you feel.

I'm sorry Russ. I lost my husband in March after a grueling battle with cancer. The period during which he was sick, I had to face my worst fears and I think it made it real for me. Also the last 2 weeks of his life, I knew what was going on with his body. So, we are all different and I'm sorry you are questioning your feelings. It just sucks all the way around. Really sorry :(

Russ,
I know how you feel. It was just a year for me in July. I still have times when I cannot believe he is gone too! It is such a sad feeling to have. That nothing we say or do can bring them back.
I always tell myself until we meet again I have to go on. It is good to come here and express what you are feeling. You are not alone in what you are feeling. Marilyn

I feel this way too Russ. My husband died unexpectedly too, there was no warning at all. I don't know if that makes it worse, but it is so hard to believe even though you know it is true.

Yes lost my husband in April and it still seems like a horrible nightmare. In reality it is scary but yeah we are here without our loved ones. I have my husbands ashes and each day I wake up I go and light some candles around his ashes and talk to him for a little bit each day. It helps me a lot.

So sorry Russ, I am still that way at times. At the 5-9 months my mind slowly started grasping the reality of it. Going into his "man Cave" there is still a forgotten cigarette in the ashtray. He was down there often to wire and rewire his stereos. I found a half of a beer that had to be in the mini fridge for months, since he didn't drink because of meds. I guess the fiddling kept his mind on something besides his cancer. Bob Seger in the CD player. I feel like he's still there at times. Just now a song came on that he used to sing and dance to for me. Nothing scary, more peaceful. " I'm the one who wants to be with you"
It comforts me to think his version of heaven,might still be, to be with me.

Right with you on this. My Donnie passed on March 6th after 6mos of everything going wrong with his Cancer battle. I am in denial much of the time, wake up each morning and think he is still there with me. Talk to him each day as I return home from work..sounds crazy but at this point I do what gets me through the day. I held him as he left this world but cannot believe that he doesn't exist somewhere--how could he not, he was such a large presence in my life..my love, soulmate and best friend. In reality I know our time together has ended, but know that it will take time and so hang in there. There are many of us who are feeling just like you and here to share and help you move through this Chapter which is our life now. Hugs MaryAnn

I am 48 days and still ask myself every single morning: Is this real?!
I just cant believe it. Sometimes I think this is all a bad dream, but then I look around and realize that he is not coming back. Whenever I hear a motorcycle, somebody opening the door, my heart sinks. Grief is real and its the most painful feeling in the world.

I at just about 2 yrs and still can't believe its possible that he's gone. He was so strong all those yrs its just doesn't seem like it could happen to him. I don't know when these thoughts will end.

Russ, guess your answer is yes, we all have trouble believing this happened. It is a fact we can't or want to believe. That's the reason the 'experts' say don't make any major decisions for at least a year.

For me, after the reality hit and I knew there was no going back, the pain of grief intensified. Fear of tomorrow and loneliness of no partner in my life scared the h@## out of me. It was the worse part of my life.

The good news is then is when I began building a future for me. A future that was open to tomorrow and what it brought into my life while enjoying today, whether alone or with friends. Sharon

I think I feel the same way. My husband had always been traveling for work. He had lived 2 weeks in North Carolina and 2 weeks in California alternating for years and live overseas for 2 years. I am so used to him being away and it all seemed unreal that he is gone. My daughters and I all feel that he is still on a long journey not dead. This time he traveled so far that he ended up into the other world.

Definitely yes. I am at 10 months and I have my moments that I cannot believe he is not here. And I imagine no matter what happens in my future I will always have these moments.

I'm sorry for your loss Russ. You and your wife were so blessed to have so many years together. I remember in the beginning after my husband died, it took a few months before I felt that I was finally putting together a new "normal" for me. The little things like only pouring one cup of coffee in the mornings were so strange in the beginning. Be patient with yourself. You will establish a new routine, you'll always remember the old, but your comfort level will get better in time. Blessings.
sharon

I lost my fiance a year and a half ago. There are times when I feel like I am 'on my way' to healing and then something triggers me and I am down for the Count. What is really hard is Friday nights. I miss him the most on Friday nights as that is when we used to celebrate Shabbot. It is really tough.