Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband has been gone 15 months now, my 3 kids and I are getting thru each day one step at a time. For anyone that new to loss please believe me and others when we tell you soon everyone will be gone and you’ll be by yourself, I was in denial but it has come true. I wanted to post about my Broken relationship with my sister. My sister became very distant about 2months after the funeral. She just moved on with her life, and her new boyfriend soon to be husband told her I’m very closed off and don’t interact. Those words hurt and what’s worse is that she believes him. She has also taken every opportunity to say how her boyfriend soon to be husband will be much different than my late husband. My husband and I weren’t rich by any means but when she got divorced 3yrs ago we stepped in and helped without financially and in other ways without her having to ask. During her divorce she had major surgery and I made meals and helped her with her kids and house. Although we’ve never been BFF sisters we were somewhat close. Recently she told me that she doesn’t understand why she hasn’t seen me much the last year. I was in disbelief at that comment. I’m hurting so bad and becoming angry at all the personal jabs and how she has disappeared from my life. I really thought she would have stuck by me like I did for her during her hard time. I’m really trying to let it go and not hold a grudge but it hurts. Has anyone been thru this that can give advice?
Another sister was in financial trouble and I got dunning calls for her and her husband morning, noon, and night. When I asked her to do something about it because both me and the kids' nerves were pretty jangled and these bill collectors were very aggressive, she told me not to use my home phone and just use my cell phone. Totally ignored what I had told her and did nothing to stop them calling me. And this was when I hadn't even seen my BIL for 15 years - literally - so why was I supposed to put up with his bill collectors?? Why were my kids supposed to be afraid to answer our own phone? Totally inconsiderate.
My third sister, thank God, was my rock. She was the only one who actually grieved for Cliff like a sister. Cliff had been family for 30 years, yet nobody else cared - which hurt like hell. She was the only one who paid attention to the fact that my kids were grieving, too. She was the only one who really helped.
I also have two brothers, who were totally useless throughout. My younger gave me zip support. My older brother only wanted Cliff's tools. I later learned the main reason he wasn't around much - and has since disowned me is because he "doesn't want to get stuck" wit my two sons who are disabled.
So I do understand some of the weird sibling dynamics that can happen.
You basically have a choice: you can either tell her exactly what you have told us here and see if you can work through this together; or you can say nothing and suffer and let the relationship go. Right now your sister is in love and clueless. Divorce and bereavement are two different things. She may think that because she got through her divorce quickly that you should "be over it" by now. She doesn't understand.
As far as the friends that disappear, the old saying here is that 'grief rewrites your address book.' It rewrote mine. The good news was that unexpected heroes stepped up and replaced the people who were toxic in my life. I hope the same happens for you. There are still good people out there. The ones that abandon you are just making room for the good ones to come in. Don't give up.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
As for friends , there are many nice people who would love to have a kind friend like yourself. If there is a bereavement group in your area, try to attend. You would have a lot in common with people in the group. Hug, Dolores
But you can move forward. My only sister died this past Christmas. We are only here for a short time.