It's been three years for me. At the beginning the pain is raw, doesn't seem that it will lessen in severity. But, it does.
My husband had pancreatic cancer. Unanswered questions still to this day. But, life goes on.
Give yourself the opportunity to grieve, your boys need you.
A local hospital or church may offer support groups. It's beneficial to talk with those who have also experienced a loss.
Try to be positive whenever possible, it does get easier with time.
Take baby steps... feel good for what you accomplish.
Blessings
jdp

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly 3 months ago. For me the pain ebbs and flows, some days less some days so severe it's difficult to breathe. I call it grief waves and just like ocean waves they range in size from small ripples to large rogue waves. Please try to take care of yourself by eating well and drinking water. I've had a variety of health problems all stemming from the stress of grief. At times, it feels like a bad dream that I'm trying to wake up from. I pray, meditate and journal and recently started yoga again. Peace and hugs.

After almost two years I can assure you that the pain will lessen at times but will come back.
I lost my wife unexpectedly. I came in from work and she had transitioned in her sleep. No chance to say good bye. Just gone.
Even though the pain does come back it doesn't stay as long. It becomes shorter every time. You are right they are called grief waves. And that's exactly how it feels like your drowning under water, or in this case a blanket of grief. That to will lessen in it's intensity. It want knock you down as easily or keep you down as long. But to get there you have to ignore tomorrow. Just focus on the day your in. Sometimes even break it down to hours or minutes in a day. I used to work on getting thru each minute then built from there. Main thing, do what you need to get thru each moment. Take care of you. And don't rush yourself. Don't ever let anyone tell you it's time to get over it and move on. You alone will be the judge of that. Besides you don't get over it you learn to live with it. Sleep helps a lot when you can get it. Make time to rest. If your not up to dealing with something, it can wait. You have to give yourself time. And time is the only medicine for this. Other than talking with others going thru it. It truly helps to share with others. If you are Christian, then lean on it heavily. Main thing don't worry if you don't feel you are far enough along or not. It's your journey and you'll travel it in your own way.
Take care of you.
Peace, Tim

Thankyou everyone for your beautiful replies. I managed to get some sleep last night and i dreamt he was with me but he looked so ill and in pain. Im hoping that isnt a sign that he hasnt moved on.