It is a long walk but you can make it. My wife went to heaven last August. We were together for over twenty years. It has been a long hard trail but a year later and I'm moving forward. It's like starting a new chapter in your life. If your wife was like mine she would want you to live the life you have left and somehow find happiness along the way. For you it's still early on so you probably have been given advice to move on and it's time to get over it. But you don't ever get over it you learn how to live with what happened. Just continue doing what you need to keep healing and moving forward. Just be patient with yourself and take your time. Everyone deals with this in their own way. With the end of year one coming up I am ready to move forward and start building a new life. My wife was in my last chapter and now in this next chapter I am hoping for a second blessing with a special lady God willing. But even though it's hard now it will get better for you, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving ahead.
Take care.
Peace, Tim

You have broken the Isolation. That's a big step.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear wife. It's one of the hardest journeys you are on. One baby step at a time, moment by moment that's all you can do. Deep breathes, help you relax. We all know how you feel, be kind to yourself, it takes time to unravel all the emotions and start to make sense of your loss.
Being here can help you, I recommend a grief share or other grief group, where you can listen and vent with people, face to face.
Please know, that everything you feel is real, grief can heal your broken heart, if you work with it. That takes time, patience, and caring for yourself. I know and I'm sure, your precious wife, wants the very best life for you.
We are all here for you, and we care.....
Take care and gentle hugs for you.......Sandra

I do understand how you feel. I feel numb some days. I wasn't able to say goodbye to my Clint. I'm not like other people. For me, Clint was my second chance. After being married before and that ending, Clint came into my life. I gave him everything I had left and he honestly got the best of me. I'm exhausted. I'm done. He was it. I will not, nor do I care to, engage in another relationship again. I'm okay with that as he was the love of my life and my everything. I will live out my days on the good note that I had what many others will never have or find; a soul mate. I don't sleep well. I don't eat well. I don't socialize. It's like I've lost all the ability to either care about anything or anyone or I just don't find what I thought to peak my interest, interesting any longer. What's the point? I am not happy and I miss him so much it hurts. The autopsy results aren't back yet. We are going through 4 days of ER records because the hospital was too busy and booked up to admit him. He walked into that ER with me and 4 days later I walked out of that ER without him. 37 yrs old; healthy. I didn't get the time that many had with their significant others. I had 10 months. Even though I had a short time, it was enough to last a lifetime. Yo are not alone.

Just coming to the realization that you are fighting depression is a big first step. The key word in that sentence is fighting. You are choosing to still fight. There is life outside of what you formerly knew as "normal", and you are choosing to fight for it. I hope you can find your new normal and be soon be at peace with this new chapter in your life. Hang in there, and keep fighting!

That first step is so hard, but your choice to take it is the first step in the journey, and a huge one. Support groups are another place to go if you have any in your area, even counseling, any thing to help you continue to keep walking forward. We all do understand. One moment at a time, then one day at a time, and gradually little by little your choice to fight will become easier. Nothing will ever be the same, but you will learn to live with your new life. Be kind on yourself, honor your emotions and don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. Hugs and blessings. Katrina

I lost my husband late in December and have been having a very difficult week, so can relate to still having a difficult time at this stage of the journey. I got a book yesterday called The Paradoxes of Mourning by Alan Woltfelt. It is small and short and within an hour of reading I was gaining much insight. One of the things I realized yesterday is that although I know my husband is gone, I don't really feel it yet. Like you, there is still a part of me that thinks he might actually turn up one day. This is very much what he talks about in the first part of the book - how do we really say goodbye?

I have heard many good things about Alan Woltfelt. This is the first book of his I am reading. He also talks about clinical depression vs grief depression (not in this book but in others). That might be worth exploring a bit. I have not yet gone for any counselling but have thought a about it. I have, for the most part, found the support here and with a meet up group to be enough to this point but will explore that option if I feel I need more help.

Hoping you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I agree with the others' comments in that connecting and reaching out is a good step. Sending you some peace. Kate.

Movingforward12,
Your username says a lot about you for if we are to truly live life again, moving forward is what we all must do to move thru our loss and the grief that follows. My wife also had cancer. We were together almost 40 years but during those last 7 we got closer than I ever imagined. For me, the loss was almost too much to bear. I was working thru it all and was doing very well until the depression took hold. Finding this group and the good people here helped so very much but depression can be so raw, debilitating and deeply personal. It's an easy place to get stuck in and so very hard to find your way out of. I found a therapist that could see all those things I couldn't and she helped me to understand, manage, rediscover myself and move forward through my depression. That year seemed impossibly long and dark but with her help I found my way back into the light and life again.

From my experience I'd suggest counseling to help you thru your depression. Certainly nothing to be trifled with. Finding the right counselor can be difficult. Many people have to try more than one until they find a good fit. Depression can make the process more difficult but finding one that clicks is worth the effort. Being able to really live life again, find joy and even love are possible. I'm living proof of that. Those things are worth every bit of the effort so I encourage you to do whatever it takes to keep moving forward.
Peace to you friend,
~John

I know how u feel. I lost my husband on our 23rd anniversay from a car accident 3 weeks ago. On some days it does feel like hes on a long trip and gonna walk through that door. But then i remember how the cops came that morning to tell me the news and im sucked right back into reality. other days i dont even feel like getting out of bed. The only thing that makes it a little easier for me is that we had lost our 3 y.o. son 19 years ago and i still remember the pain of losing a child which makes me know that if i survived that then this too will be survived. People used to say to me time heals everything and i never understood it until the time had passed. This is my first time in a chat room. I hope i find somekind of peace instead of all the racing thoughts in my head. I wish you peace as well. I hope posting and talking about it makes us feel better.

Your not alone and the fact you found your way here is your first step into finding yourself....We are all on this painful journey.

Congrats on taking the first step. Breaking isolation is difficult but necessary for one to move on. My husband passed 15 months ago and some days are better the others but as I look back I am making progress one day at a time. You can make it. We are here for you

I less than two weeks. I shall be at the one year mark when I lost my wife. I could almost insert
" when I lost my life " as that was the feeling I had and still have now and then. I became exhausted in the first few months as the roller coast ride of emotions drained me as it moved from shock to a combination of shock and reality mixed together and then acceptance began knocking on the door. Depression sneaked in while all of that was taking place. Any hint of daylight disappeared into darkness for a period of time but hour by hour and day by day, I simply refused to surrender and still refuse to surrender to grief. I am still in pain from my loss but I am gradually learning to carry it instead of allowing it to carry me. I do everything possible not to think negative thoughts about what happened. I can't change it. I do everything possible to think about the 30 + years we had together and how blessed I was. I was so damned blessed. More than I knew. I had everything I ever wanted but didn't know it. But I am accepting that reality as I also believe I am going to see her again. Whether I do or not is not up to me eventually but that thought keeps me going. Just remember as the sun sets every night that we are all on this road. with you. We may not be sitting or standing next to you but there are a lot of us that know exactly what you are going through. I have found people on this site most supportive ( still wished they hadn't changed it ) but keep coming back. There will be someone that can identify anything and everything you are feeling. You are in my prayers.

Blessings to you -

Darrell in Texas

Wow, I haven't been on here in a few days & I just posted how I felt I was going backwards. I guess that is a part of this too. I am sorry you have to walk this path too. Prayers for both of us for easier days. Tina