I have noticed the emotions come and go , a smell, a song, clothes, anything that reminds us of them. Don't be hard on yourself its still early. Its been 4 months and I still haven't boxed up or moved anything of my husbands. I'm sorry for your loss.

Bless your heart. There are so many emotions you go through during the first month. The days are a blur & the nights are so lonely. You just never know when that moment is going to hit.

I was invited with some dear friends to Vegas. And even though it was the first month & had not seen them in over a year & so want to be with them. They were great, but I found myself in them middle of the night going to the bathroom & sobbing.

It is just not easy & I say just cry whenever it happens or you need too. Take care JoAnn

So sorry you were made a member of this unfortunate club. My condolences on your huge loss. I have found this grief journey the mos extreme roller coaster I have ever lived. I wil be gliding along smooth for a time and then Wham!! A plunge into hell on earth, complete with sobbing, moaning and nausea. It just seems to be part of what is common for us. Those further on this journey ( I'm only out just over 4 months.) report the plunges eventually get further apart, and the smoother periods longer. I hope that happens soon for you. Know you have lots of friendly support here. Hugs ~ Bailey

It's okay to be angry, we feel cheated. Also those waves do hit in the most unexpected times...But so do happy memories that may draw a giggle until you catch yourself. I used to feel guilty when those hit at first shocked at the sound when they escaped,but I am glad now that they stayed with me. There was so much in my husbands cancer that I was too busy keeping all the plates spinning on, it took awhile for those great moments to surface. I now embrace them. Remembering the love times we had in our years that made me stronger.
Of course I would have wanted more time, but not having him sick longer or in more pain helps me say I will take what I received.
Gentle hugs, cry if you feel like it laugh when you feel like it and use both to get through this.
Jewell

I'm so in the same place you are! My husband passed on Nov 14th, 2015. I'm up during the mid week but as soon as Thursday comes I back slide and then Sunday I'm doing better. Unless I have to go somewhere or I start talking about him. The mornings are the worst. I'm so sorry about your loss and I can totally relate to what you are going through!

All these feelings you're having, are totally normal, and you will always have moments as such, just as time goes on the tears, are of those fonnd memories you both created and shared. It will take time, there is no timeframe, and there may always be triggers, or ambushes. take your time, cry, scream, be pissed at the world. When it is time, you will realize the anger is gone, and you just are so much different than when your husband first passed away. I'm almost at 10 months, and I have one a day week, I spent ALOT, and I mean ALOT of time crying, and wishing he was here, and everyday during the week, shed tears, but know that I must push forward, and look for the good, i what remains of my life here on this physical earth.... I will always think of him, and cry; I think. He meant so much to me and our girls. big hugs carla

What scares me most is when I have hours of feeling nothing. Then, a good cry and intense feeling of sadness, loss and total helplessness is almost welcome. Am I alone in this?

daria I had that too, it's referred to as "numbness",as time goes on, your mind will start to process all of these feelings, and it does take time for your brain/mind to process this give it time, it's all normal. big hugs carla

Thank you, Carla. It is amazing how we all wish to be normal ... To dmpetlover: Big hugs and thank you for letting me vent on your post.

Darla you are not alone! I feel the same way, angry one moment, crying the other and feeling lost and guilty and alone. Abandoned and yet knowing my David would never have left me if he could. But, angry at the same time because I do not know if he actually talked to his doctor about the possibility of blood clots. It's the woulda, shoulda, coulda syndrome. Gods I miss him!