Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I recently spoke with a Father who lost his son several years ago. His son was murdered. Shot dead by someone he did not know. The son was a police officer. How could I ever begin to understand how this Father felt ? My Husband was sick for the past five years before he passed away 4 months ago. Deep down inside I knew he wasn't going to live much longer. But he lived 66 years watching our son grow up and we were married 30 years. But this Father's son was only in his mid twenties. Never married and excited about his new career. When he heard I had lost my husband he said," Remember your blessings. We don't want to be so paralyzed by the tragedy of the event that we ignore the many wonderful blessings in our life". I was speechless! Such wonderful wise words from someone who understands grief and broken hearts and broken dreams. I admit I have forgotten to smell the roses. To really look at the flowers and the sky. To enjoy that first cup of coffee in the morning. The hardest lesson is to accept what I cannot change. Maybe tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of my life.
Wishing you peace . . .
When the doctor at the hospital told me and our daughter that my wife was not likely to recover, she was in her "final decline" - I asked our daughter to contact her half brother, from my wife's first marriage. He was estranged for about 20 years. He visited his mother and showed her videos of her grandchildren. Now both kids are very close. When a rabbi made a chaplain visit, I told him I was sad that it took such terrible circumstances to bring them together. He said, "Maybe that was part of the plan." (I'm in tears now)
I think those of us who shared a long decline with our spouse have a slightly different experience than those whose loss was sudden and unexpected. We had some time to prepare for the inevitable, but who can really prepare for such a loss? I think my grief and mourning started well before my wife died. It intensified at the moment of death, I still prayed and hoped for a miracle.
I have had friends who died unexpectedly. When I was 17 I got a terrible call telling me my dad died.
I am also grateful for the 30 years I spent with my wife, and for our wonderful daughter. Now I am in a 3rd phase of life, without Arlene beside me, but in my heart always.
period. I think i am still processing the 8 weeks of intensity that i experienced. But no matter how we started the journey we all have ended up here (sigh) I know that i do try and appreciate my blessings. Family that are there for me. a warm comfortable place to live. one or two close friends who get what i am going through and this forum. A small list for sure, i will have to hunt for more. Patti