Got some thoughts percolating in me, so here I go, pouring out some words. For those of us that were married long term, it is a different world out there. I'm nearing 2 years soon when a part of my heart was amputated. I don't know, but I think maybe guys semi-recover quicker than women. So I jumped out there and find myself having been burned so many times that I wonder, What has happened to make things today so different than 33 years ago when I began relationship with my true love? I can't render an opinion on anything but my experiences, but I've learned some hard lessons. Having a lonely heart is like walking in a cave with no light. Total darkness. Reason goes out the window. Everything we knew gets all jumbled up, and it becomes so easy to mistake something else for love. There is a detached attitude out there today. Sex without relationship or attachment of any kind. In years past, sex meant relationship. Anything less would be, well, just plain wrong. But I've found that there are very few moral codes in operation in today's dating world that I've been exposed to. There is this thing called a Booty Call. Now I used to think that meant a one night stand. But no, it means you have someone that you simply call when you want sex, and vice versa, no relationship, no commitement, no attachment. And so when someone naive like me gets seduced, wrong conclusions are made. I've been dropped without explanation several times when I began to talk about an "us", looking toward the future with someone I thought was interested in a loving caring relationship. No goodbyes, no explanations, no nothing. So I kept wondering, what was wrong with me? Did I move too fast? Did I say something I shouldn't have? Because I can tell you a truth, I so longed to fill a void in my life because of a lonely heart, I became easy pickins for simply being used. I'm nothing great on the outside. But I've got a heart that only knows how to love. But that is not what some are looking for these days. Matter of fact, I'm beginning to think few out there have ever experienced love. And once I realized that I was being used as someone else's booty call, I came to realize that the problem is not me. It is that some people out there today are incapable of anything but satisfying their own selfish desires. Sad really. But I tell you that I have refused to harden my heart. I know how wonderful a life shared with a true love can be. And I simply refuse to sit at the sidelines and watch life pass me by. Nothing wrong with doing that. It just isn't who I am. Even had one offer to arrange a booty call for me because she had hers for the past 4 years, but thinks that she is going to meet the man of her dreams by dating others. My God, what was I getting myself into? So I settled my ass down, broke those unsavory ties, licked my wounds and guess what? I met a really nice sweet lady that has had similar experiences to mine and also questioned what was wrong with her. And along the way, I've made some good friends, and those ladies also have had similar experiences. Seems to be an attitude out there of get what you can and cut them loose, just drop em like a hot potatoe. No regards for feelings. No regards for a fellow human being. I'm telling you, it seems sub-human and such an undercurrent of selfishness out there in the dating realm. Lessons learned and more to be learned, I'm sure. But one truth I know for sure, we have to go through what we do to get where we find ourselves today. Rude awakenings, pain, hurts, self-doubt, questioning your self-worth, and then rising above it all and take what lessons there are to be learned and moving on hopefully a little wiser. For me, it all stems from a lonely heart, broken really, wounded from an unimaginable death and grief that followed that was beyond my compression. A pain unimaginable. Well, I lived 30 years in what I call my happiness bubble. And when it burst, I find a totally different world. Just my ramblings tonight. Despite everything, I'm really doing rather well. Helps when you meet a person with a good heart that just maybe might be a mutual love. But only time will figure that one out. Oh, I done bought me a 2nd Miata. So what do I need with 2 convertibles? Well, I'm in my phase of no regrets as I call it. If I want something, I buy it. If I want to do something, I do it. No one to answer to, no one to ask permission from, no one to take into consideration. Yup. Beware of the lonely heart. Guess that's all the words I got right now. Hot dang, I do feel better. Writing is such good therapy. And I hope something I've written makes a difference. At least you know you're not the most screwed up person around. Just think of me, and know that more likely than not, you sure are doing better than me. Just remember, life is for the living. But you've got to be a participant not just an observer. I thank the good Lord that we're never too old to learn and improve ourselves. God bless and comfort each and every one of us. ~~~ Scottie