Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Some of you here may remember me, my husband passed in Nov of last year after a long 2yr battle with cancer & for the 1st few months I was here almost everyday asking for advice from those that had already been down the path I was miserably traveling & asking for assurance that everything I was experiencing was normal & I wasn't losing my mind! I thank all of you so much for getting me through those terrible 1st few mos. Well the past few mos I've been doing pretty good trying to keep busy & trying to find a new normal for myself, I have some bad days but most have been o.k. but wow these past couple days I feel like I'm back at the beginning again, I've been crying a lot, feeling so sad & alone & missing my husband so much I almost can't stand it, What is going on? I have been under a lot of stress at work lately & our 20 year old daughter that still lives with me is having boyfriend problems so she's been really sad & upset these past few days & of course the mom in me wants so badly to fix it for her but know I can't & my husband was always the advice giver & the level headed one to her when it came to things like this, I'm more emotional & just want her to be happy again, I keep hearing his voice telling me she's an adult now & I need to but out & let her work through it herself, of course I know he's right but I so wish he was here to tell me to stop stressing & everything will work itself out. Just needed to vent before I lost my mind, Thanks for listening & any friendly advice will be much appreciated.......Kim
Hi my name is Sammantha, I am kind of knew here lost my husband in April this year it was a sudden death. The only advice I can truly say is listen to his voice. You may have lost him in human form but in my mind the lost spouse still watches out over you. I believe my husband is watching out over me and all of my dogs. Your daughter is an adult and she is going to have to work though the issues she is having with her boyfriend. I had to have a friend move in with me because I have medical concerns so she is 20 and her boyfriend moved in too yeah they fight I used to get in the middle of them but I had to pull back because they are adults and I had to realize that. Maybe you can always ask if she is still sad about her dad dying? If she is spend time with her show her that she is loved by her mother. Just my thoughts.
I don't have a daughter with boyfriend issues, I have one with husband issues.....and I too have learned I can't fix it, they are adults and need to work it out w/o my input. Hope this helps??
I think with all the problems that your daughter is going through and the stress at work, and probably like all of us you would vent to your spouse about the stress you feel at work, I think it is one of those times that bring into focus how much you miss having your husband to be there for support at these times. I too want my wife to tell me that everything will be alright, to comfort me, to hold me. Everyday is a struggle, and when additional stress hits us we feel very lost without our spouse's to be there for support. It is just us from now on, and that brings a lot of fear. I do fear the future without my wife.
Again, though, I would listen to the voice of your husband and take his advice.
I think when you have stressful situations it makes everything more difficult and we no longer have our spouse to share it with. I think it's only natural for the stress to rekindle the hard times and your still only 9 months since your loss.
Best wishes, Russ