I don't think they are being replaced. They are all part of the whole story. Would you put as much emphasis on the last part over time? In my case no. But memories are spotty things. If you expose yourself to good memories, then they will pop up more often, but they might bring you sadness as well.

The real question is, can you one day recall the memory with more sweetness than sadness? And I think that's what we are all striving here.

I don't believe they will ever go away, but every now and then they might cause a smile. My husband (Ace) started his downhill road 10 years ago and it continued to get progressively worse. But this morning (3:00 AM) I remembered one of the last times I took him out for breakfast: I got him out of the car and he started to walk into Denny's and something was wrong, his Levi's were falling down! I quick ran up behind him and grabed his pants pulling, pulling them up.I said what are you doing? Are you going to put on a show for these people

for free! We laughed and he said No! they could at least pay for my breakfast.The weight loss was horrific but there is a small smile in a moments memory.

Good question Rick. You are so new to this though so keep that in mind when you read what I have to say....
Yes, they can be replaced and someday the good memories will outweigh the bad. Forgotten? No, but their imprint on you will lessen with time. But...it’s up to you as to how and only...when you are ready. You have to decide how long you want to live there. You are in control of that believe it or not. It’s quite normal and easy enough to “dwell” on all of those bad thoughts and memories. Believe me when I say that those of us farther down this road have all done that!!! You have the control to change the channel in your mind. You have to actively say to yourself...”No!!! I’m not going to live in those bad thoughts anymore. I’ve stayed there long enough and there’s nothing more that I can do!!!” Put them out of your head and focus on something else whether you distract yourself with an activity or other good thoughts, memories, etc. A time will come where you’ll tire of thinking about them and want to think about the good memories instead. You may feel guilty at first about ignoring them but for your own health you really have to! I can’t say when you’ll be ready for this to happen but you will know in your heart that it’s time. You must understand that you are not abandoning your love by not rehashing those last devastating months anymore. You did all that you could for her back then. It’s truly okay to let them go. It really is Rick. Your life with her wasn’t defined by those last 15 months. It was so much more than that!!! Don’t let them or that damn awful disease break you!!! You know Glenda would want what’s best for you and living in that dark place is definitely not one of them!!!
Be patient...let those thoughts come but let them go too!!!!
Good luck to you in your search for peace. Keep asking these kinds of questions as that in itself may help you find some of the answers that you seek.
Take care,
Darcie

Thanks for responses. This is a holiday where I am from called Family Day. As my son and fiance left yesterday, it doesn't feel like one right now,but probably brought this on.
Sorry for the Pity Bomb.

Bomb away Rick! That’s why some of us are still here!!!!! If we can help in anyway we can....

I ask the same question. Today the bad memories have just seemed to flood me. With Sam, although he suffered some, he went quickly. It has probably taken me all this time (8 years) to just now be able to think back on pleasant memories of our life together - as foster parents, adopting and raising a child, living in a small town, going to Sonic on Friday nights, just simple things in life. On the other hand, it's not that way this time around. I think it has to do with the big C. Big C does not fight fair. Try as I may, I'm not to the point yet where I can by-pass the bad times and embrace the good times. Hoping that with passage of time, I can think about him and smile. How I miss the both of them!

Rick, Brighter days are ahead. I'm Wishing you Peace and Strength. Hugs, Dolores

sending lots of hugs. annette

Praying that the good memories will begin to outweigh the bad.~ Angela

It's been 2 years and 3 months and I am only recently able to think about some good memories and smile. I think I couldn't do it for a long time because it was so painful to think about what I lost. I'm trying to become less focused on that and honestly a lot of this just changes with time. It's a process. I've been very sad and emotional the past few days. This hasn't happened for a while. Just trying to ride it out. Letting the tears come as I find it's easier to bear if I do that. I'm not as afraid of the pain, it's just difficult to deal with the emotions as you try to get through the day. Hope it gets a little better for all of us very soon.

Yes, eventually the good memories far outweigh the bad. Don't worry - a lifetime of love cannot be erased by how it ends. For a long time, I had a hard time shaking the bad memories, the trauma and the pain, but they did finally give way. That was also when I started having good dreams, too, instead of nightmares. The time-scale is different from person to person, but you will get there. Don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Oh my gosh, I know what you mean. I sometimes feel the horror of the experience, watching him suffer so badly and cry because he did not want to die - is worse than the fact that he is gone. I feel traumatized, like I am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. Its been almost 6 months for me and the memory of it is still very very clear and fresh and painful but I am slowly remembering more happy times. So.... I have hope and you will too.