So sorry for your loss.
Yes emotions get easier to co trol but no one knows when a trigger will set you off and where you are. Even after almost 5 years a song will bring tears to my eyes but I have learned to control the weeping. Even seeing an older couple walking hand in hand as we always did is a big one for me or hear one say something in a store that Ken would have said. My daughter looks at me sees the tears she knows.
I did have to go on meds because I couldn't stop crying
Give yourself time. Maybe a new store new routine your own for now will help

hfire76 -

it has been 5 1/2 months since I lost my wife, Debbie. The
" triggers " are everywhere with supermarket shopping,
music, television shows, restaurants, etc.

I lost it at 3 weeks in a Walmart when I placed her favorite
soda in a shopping cart and didn't realize it until the check
out line. I was bawling my eyes out. I explained what had
happened to those around me and a fellow shopper told
me she was a widow of 6 months was very gentle and
said, " Let us help you." and they helped me check out
and get out of the store. I actually thought I was going
insane.

As Lois11 said, your emotions will get easier to control
as days / weeks pass but there will still be triggers with
anything and everything and, many times, they occur
without warning. The roller coaster continues but the
climbs and drops are not as steep or as sudden.

I am avoiding some triggers. For the present, I am driving
to / from work with the radio off. I have slightly changed
my route to / from work. I avoid certain TV shows we
often watched together and have taken other small steps
to reduce triggers such as favorite foods.

Finally, I developed a new routine in the evenings. I went
to a Dollar Store and bought a large box of candles. I went
to another store and both a very thick journal with lined
pages. I have three large photos of her on the mantle
facing my kitchen table. Virtually every night, I light a candle
by the photos and sit and write in my journal and try to
recall at least one, if not more, positive / happy memory of
experiences with her over the years. I am recalling things
long forgotten and the tears always flow while I am writing.

But, at the end of each evening, I find that I am basically
drained but with a mind full of good memories and I close
the journal with a prayer for her and for myself as I plan
to see her again someday.

This is helping me get through the nights ( my toughest
time ) and, now, I find myself thinking about it during the
day and what I am going to write about in the evening. I
am so consumed with it that I think I miss some triggers
along the way.

The intense pain is still there but I think my routine is
allowing me to cope with it a little better.

You are in my thoughts and prayers as you begin this
long journey.

Darrell .

Aw! The dreaded supermarket! It has been 2 1/2 years since my Morey passed and I still have a difficult time with the food shopping. Morey asked me for a list every week and he'd do the food shopping. It's something we started doing when we were very young and it stuck. I loved it and he liked doing it!

Morey was the heavy lifter in our family. He paid the mortgage, the cars and the food. My job paid for the rest. I was his partner and helpmate. As the world became more and more complicated it became impossible for one person to take care of everything on one paycheck. We had 3 children, pets and always lived in a lovely home. It was my pleasure to help.

Now, I'm alone, the kids are on their own, Morey's gone and it's just Horton [my 95 lb Black Lab/Golden Ret. mix] and me.

I waste more food because I don't know how to shop for ONE yet. I'm getting better at it but I still throw stuff out. I don't eat out a lot. And, I don't eat fast food!

The market is a constant reminder that I'M ALONE! When I see couples shopping together......it makes me nuts! I can't see where I'm going because I'm crying my way through the aisles.

I'm learning, slowly, how to be alone and how to shop for one! I wish you luck hfire, I know exactly how you're feeling and I'm sorry!

Roz

Oh yes, the triggers are always there aren't they! I couldn't go to the grocery store during the day for months. The one's we frequented have been torn down to put in a new chain. My husband did most of the food shopping and would always call me just to see if I needed anything else. I so miss that: Yeah Shell, is there anything else we need? He was always bringing home some goofy little ditty for me because it was on sale or a good deal. I still haven't had his phone turned off. Just can't do it yet. I was in a grocery store in Colorado while visiting my son and grand and Unchained Melody came over the sound system. That was the last song we danced to and was dedicated to us at my son's wedding. I lost it, couldn't wait to get out of there. Hang in there dear friend. We have so much to get through don't we? Hugs and Love to all, Michele

HFire, Right now at a little less than 3 weeks in - you are in shock. Amazingly, you should be unable to function at all -- but as a parent with children depending on you, you have become a miracle worker. Just do what you need to do to get time between you and your wife's death - if you are like me (and I get the sense you are), it is going to take us both a lot of time. Believe me when I tell you, you are not thinking clearly no matter how much you think you are, so try your damnest not to make any decision unless you absolutely have to -- no extraordinary purchases. I'm in retail therapy now at 9 months .. it started about a month after my wife passed with the purchase of a new car, and has escalated from there. Just hang tight and do what you can do. As Roz says, there are no winners in this, just survivors. In time, you will come to recognize your triggers and make adjustments to what is bearable for you. My wife wouldn't drive herself on the highway or across the bridge, so if she needed to go to Walmart, I had to drive her. So Walmart was the only store in town that I was always with her for shopping. I was not comfortable going there (but did because I had to) until after about 6 months. You will figure it out, and God will give you the ability to be both mother and father to your children, just as He is both mother and Father to us, and as our Creator, He will give you just what you need. We are here for you my friend. You will feel all alone, even worse than that, and just reach out. Day or night, there is always someone online to listen and just be here for you. So really, not a one of us is really all alone unless we chose to be (which is okay too). Your Friend ~~ Scottie

At almost 19 months now and I was in Wal-Mart yesterday. Our wedding song came on (right here waiting for you by John Waite) I had to turn it off in my head (moms have that ability). I would have lost it if I didn't. You will find it gets easier but it maybe a while. I didn't listen to music at all for a year or more. I still don't turn it on much. And poems... I still can't read them.

I wish I could just have everything brought in. we shared the shopping. If she wasn't feeling well I would go and vise versa. The first time I went after she passed I almost bought nothing and started to leave the cart where it was. I would always be on the cell phone trying to clarify her shopping list and complaining I couldn't read her writing. Not an argument just staying in contact really. When I started to dial my phone to call her at home I froze in the isle for a few minutes then it hit me she isn't there to call. Then I asked myself who do I need to call and the answer was there is no one to call your it. That was the worse so far but they are all still hard to work thru. Like you I am hoping it gets better.
Peace, Tim