Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I've learned that the husband of a dear childhood friend passed away this week. Our families have always been close, even though as adults she and have lived different lives. In fact, her mother called my mother with the news and had been sending updates on his condition through what we call "the granny grapevine". There is no wake/viewing, just a service tomorrow morning at their church.
I am conflicted about attending the service. Part of me wants to go, to support her and her family. Part of me wants nothing to do with anyone's funeral.
My experience here tells me that I have something to offer her but I just don't know what I want to do. I'd appreciate anything you can share about how you have handled these situations.
I should add that her family all attended mu husband's viewing and service - she did not at her husband was undergoing treatment at the time, but I've never heard from her. I assumed that maybe my loss was too close for comfort while they were still hoping for his survival...
I am conflicted about attending the service. Part of me wants to go, to support her and her family. Part of me wants nothing to do with anyone's funeral.
My experience here tells me that I have something to offer her but I just don't know what I want to do. I'd appreciate anything you can share about how you have handled these situations.
I should add that her family all attended mu husband's viewing and service - she did not at her husband was undergoing treatment at the time, but I've never heard from her. I assumed that maybe my loss was too close for comfort while they were still hoping for his survival...
Just think you would most likely be the only one there that won`t say something dumb or insensitive to her. You could let her know that you were where she is, and by trying to comfort others, love comes back to us, so you both would benefit. If nothing else tell her about this site and all of us here! G-
Keep in mind that you have something very important to offer her: empathy. As well meaning as others are, they cannot offer the same compassion that the experience of loss produces. As objectionable as it seems at times, we survivors unexpectedly slip into the role of coach, helping those who begin the journey of loss that, unfortunately, has become all too familiar to us.
It will be tough for you, but remembering how much it meant for others to be there for you at the time of your loss should help make your decision a little easier. Blessings to you as you minister to your friendif not by words, by your mere presence in her time of need. TJ
I've received so much support since the loss of my husband, I feel as though I have an obligation to pay it back/forward to someone else who finds themself in this awful place.
This is going to be awful, none the less.
jeff
After the service - lovely, traditional, in a small, very old colonial-era church - I was able to greet the rest of the family and again saw my friend. She grabbed me hard and sobbed into my ear how sorry she was not to be there for me, but that she just couldn't face Bob's death when her own husband was so sick. Then she broke my heart by whispering in my ear "how do you survive this?" There were still lots of people waiting to speak with her and so I just said call me when you can and I'll tell you what I've learned.
I seriously would not wish this pain on my worst enemy.
I came here originally because I didnt know anyone else to talk to or listen to -- I was stumbling in the dark. You all offered me, at the very least, an ear. At most, loving guidance. I thank you all and celebrate my own and your varied eccentricities and love.