Nicker, They tend to not call. I dont think people know what to say or do. I remember at my husbands funeral...looking at people talking and some laughing...and I thought " and life goes on for you, but not me." Then sadly, someday it will be their turn, as it was ours. I would say try not to hold on to bitter feeling toward them...they have no idea how painful your life is without your husband, because their life has continued on as normal. I always knew it would be painful to lose my love, but neverrealized the depth of the pain that you actually feel. I tell my friends , the pain you imagine is nothing like the actual pain you go through...it is crushing to your very soul.... they dont get it yet Nicker...God bless...:) Debbie

I'm won't give people an excuse of "they don't get it" - people know what they should do - what the good and kind things are they can do - and yet in my opinion many are selfish and care only for themselves and therefore some don't take the extra step of caring and helping.

Yes - they are insensitive and being an active church goer doesn't mean a thing.

It has been a few months since your husband died, and they probably think you have "moved on with your life" - as many recommend to the newly widowed. Those who have not experienced it have no clue that it takes so long just to accept the reality of the situation and try to focus on what you need to do each day. Many people who attend church are not thoughtful or caring -- it's just something they do. I'm sure these people would not deliberately hurt you - they are just ignorant of the "new world" that we find ourselves in when our loved ones die. WIshing you peaceful days - Doye

I am sorry for your recent loss and even sorrier because of their insensitivity. Those that have not walked this horrible journey do not understand. They think "OK your husband died, you are up and walking around.....everything must be back to normal"!!!! They don't and can't understand the depth of your loss. Don't worry about them for now....just concentrate on yourself and your journey. I look back at the of the stupid remarks that were made that hurt so badly at first....now I can laugh......but at the time they really, really hurt.

Nicker, don't be shocked by that kind of "insensitive". I think they did not mean to hurt you or be insensitive. Yes! life does go on for them, not for us. Even my mom does not understand my pain and what I've been going through. She thought I would meet someone new in a few months and everything would be back to normal. I got hurt from time to time around people like that, but I totally understand and don't have any hard feelings toward them. but for my own good, I said no to all the invitations to wedding, baby shower, birthday party etc.
Take care of yourself and don't let that bother you.
Kris

It's often said that grief rewrites your address book, and I've found that's very true.

I for one, don't agree with the "they don't know what to say" or the "their afraid they will hurt your feelings" lines of thought.

At the end of the day, there are just many people out there who don't care unless it effects them. Suddenly, for whatever reason, we don't "fit" in their life anymore and they aren't going to make the effort to find a place for us. Virtually ALL of my husband's friends have disappeared from my life. Couple friends are nonexistant.

And you know what, I'm OK with that. Because the friends that are left, are true friends. And other people have stepped forward to express concern and caring. Those are the people you want in your life anyway.

Life is to short, as we have all learned, to waste our time on hollow friendships.

I go agree that grief creates a new address book for us. I also agree that just because someone goes to church, it does not mean that they are true Christians. As for some people cracking a joke, if it was not directed to you or not a dirty joke, ignore it. Guys tell jokes, plain and simple. If this guy does not acknowledge you next time, scratch him off the address list. Nothing lost.

Maggie

I understand your feelings.

However, we also have to remember that people we run into have not been grieving as we have and they want to feel comfortable around you and to try to treat you as they would have. This man and the others probably meant no ill intentions but to act normal and to include you.

We also have to not be so judgemental and remeber that others don;t know what we need unless we tell them.

I think you are upset now...but reconsider labeling and judging someone's faith based on one incident.

It's not you....people are indeed, insensitive, whether from ignorance or design. We could all collectively write a book on the stupid things people have said to us. Hugs, laurabp

No, it's not you. People usually don't get it unless they've been in our shoes. They don't know how to deal with us and when they do something upsetting it's either from being uncomfortable do the wrong thing or just insensitivity. We just have to distance ourselves from those who upset us. That's true about rewriting our address book. We have to do what brings us the most peace and comfort and avoid the people and situations that don't. Take care, Sandra