I am so sorry for your loss. One day at a time, and one day you will find yourself smiling again. You never really get over it but you can learn to live with it. She is still with you in spirit. (((Gentle hugs)))

I lost my husband April 1 and certainly can identify with the despair and overwhelming sadness you describe. This site and Soaring Spirits have been wonderful for me. You will connect to a few people who can relate to you and do not judge whatever you are feeling. I spend everyday crying. Sometimes for hours, sometimes not as much. I finally am allowing myself to not be ok because I am not. In talking to others in this horrible situation, the answer to healing seems to be support groups and or counseling. I think talking to family and friends who have no idea what we go through, just isn't enough. Don't despair. There are others feeling very similar feelings. I am only in the first few months but I do not do well with any special days". This week is my husbands birthday and I have been anxious since Sunday. I think that also is part of this awful grief.

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my wife to Lung Cancer and know how hard it is to put every fiber of your being into restoring the most important person in your life back to health. Only to have it progress and all your effort be for naught.

My wife passed on Feb 19 of this year, so i wont have to deal with her birthday until December. I did have to deal with my first birthday without her in 25 years and it was my children that helped me through that day. We used the day to celebrate and remember her.

You will find some measure of help here. On some level we all understand everything that you are feeling.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, my children and friends dont seem to understand, they knew we were close, close as any 2 people could be but they all seem to think Im not handling it right. Over reacting, they dont realize i was strong all those years because i had the best woman at my side.

I’m sorry for your loss Richard. It has been a year and a few months since my Ann passed unexpectedly. No one that has not experienced this understands. My close friends and sons have been wonderful and I. Sensitive that they miss her too, very much. I find remembering how wonderful our 22 years together were and being grateful for them help me move a long. Someone asked me how I felt and I told them many people expect you to be “better”, as if you had a really bad broken leg. I told her it wasn’t so much a broken leg, but more one that was cut off. I’ve figured out how to “get on” without it, but there isn’t a moment that goes by, that I’m. It aware I’m. Is sing something. Hang in there.

Thanks Formanc, when she passed i was in shock kinda numb kids everyone kept telling me rember all the good times dont dwell on the loss, so i did that blew kisses at her pictures, talked to her as if she was there, then on our anniversary came crashing down, im lost , I wish to God i could join her, she was my strength , dont worry my belief would never let me intentionally harm myself but the despair led to shingles the doctor tells me which made everything worse

A friend on here shared this with me. It was posted by another member and it covers everything that we are dealing with when we lose a spouse as it is like no other loss.

Unique and Devastating Loss (by WifeLess)
With the death of our spouse (which here includes fiancée, significant other, partner, etc.), we grieve the loss of so much more than someone we merely loved or were close to, like a parent, grandparent, sibling, friend or pet. We grieve instead the loss of: The one we loved most deeply, cherished and felt the very closest to. The one we swore commitment to in that unique human bond of marriage, which many consider sacred. The one we shared the ultimate partnership with to live as one and perhaps bear children with. The one who embodied our true sense of home. The one who was our best friend and who was to be our companion for life. The one we confided in, depended on and trusted most. The one who really knew, understood and accepted us as we were. The one we felt safe and protected with. The one we shared private moments and intimate feelings with. The one we mated souls with. But it is not just that this most precious person has been torn from our life, as unbearably heartbreaking as that alone is. With the death of our spouse, and only of our spouse, many additional profound losses must be grieved as well. For we also suffer: The loss of who we ourselves were while with them. The loss of the couple we were once half of. The loss of the life partnership we once formed. The loss of the husband or wife role we once embraced. The loss of the life we once lived. The loss of the plans we once made. The loss of the dreams we once shared. The loss of the future we once envisioned. Amidst all this, we are also suddenly confronted with many hardships we never expected to face at this point in our life. Besides financial survival, increased domestic burdens and perhaps single parenting, additional challenges less apparent to others but all too real and terrifying to us. We must now find it within ourselves: To create a new identity. To redefine our role in life. To establish a new connection to the world. To build a new network of social relationships. To discover a new sense of purpose. To formulate a new set of goals. To decide on a new direction for our future. And we must accomplish these without dishonoring our former life, but while suppressing bittersweet memories of that life, so that they not hold us back. Memories of happier times mostly, but also those of our spouse’s death, either sudden and shocking or after prolonged illness. We must further endure the feelings of guilt and disloyalty that follow us as we attempt to forget and move forward, but with our heartstrings tied so tightly to the past. And all these tasks must be taken on at the lowest possible point of our life in the worst state imaginable. When we are the weakest, most vulnerable, most insecure, most isolated, most heartbroken and most emotionally exhausted we have ever been. Without that one person we long ago became accustomed to relying on to help get us through life's greatest challenges. The one who, just by being there, would have provided us emotional comfort and moral support to draw upon, as well as the strength and confidence we need to complete those tasks and so much more. But now we face all this alone. Profound indeed is the death of our spouse. Unique and devastating. For nearly all of us, much more catastrophic to our life than the loss of any other. And truly comparable, many of us widows and widowers often feel, to one other death only. Ours.

Aye a friend here sent me that yesterday , I got a lot out of it, I know im not going crazy that what im going through is normal, Between our wedding anniversary that came and gone with only me noticing it seemed like, And got a case of bad shingles both external and internal pain was and is bad at times, was more than i could bear seemed like. Thank you again everyone.

Hi it will be one year soon. I miss her,

Hi MBR yes me as well July 11th , hurts just as bad today.

Odd, but I had a case of shingles right after becoming a widow. Then it seemed I was in the ER or doctor's office pretty steadily since then.

His stone just got put out, and I saw it for the first time yesterday. I didn't feel any comfort from it, really. It made it seem more final. It's hard forging through life alone.

Hi Shewearsblack17 Shingles are sure no laughing matter, id always thought some itching and minor surface pain, turned out to be pretty severe pain deep inside, still have some of it. I also made a trip to the ER about a month after her death, not eating right nor drinking enough was the cause.
Aye its very lonely, have quite a few male friends and most have been very supportive but i miss hearing a female voice, sitting on the patio sharing a beer together or a glass of wine, talk about the day and about tomorrow, so many things:( Hope you get feeling better.

I am so sorry about your loss but take each day at time, I know right now it seems like this is something you will never get over but in due time you will be able to move forward with your life and keeping your wife memory alive I been a widow for 11 years and I felt the same way you are feeling now so I know in time you will feel better

Hello Richard, I am Sharon and on June 15th my husband will be gone 12 years. He also was diagnosed with lung cancer and only lived 10 weeks before he was gone. Making it worse that year the 16th of June was Father's Day. Hope you can gain some hope of peace again, I want you to know it won't always be as painful as now. You are in the beginning stages of loss. You will always miss her-that hasn't ever gone away, but the time between the painful days will begin to improve.

Our lives are never the same, but we can live again. Not the life we had but a life to be discovered day be day.
Hope you and your children can build a life together and be open to tomorrow. Sending you a friend request if you want to talk.

Hi Richard. So sorry fir your loss, but I also know how empty that statement can seem. I too lost my husband to a cancer that took 3 years to claim him. It has been 5 months now; I will feel that I am doing better and then the anger, pain and resentment wells up stronger than ever. I understand what you mean about wanting to be with them but your faith prohibiting that, if I had it my way I would have gone with him. What’s left here just isn’t enough to keep me happy. My youngest is 18 so they truly do have their own lives.