Sadly things do get worse before they get better. Initially you're numb. Lost in a fog. Unfortunately this protects you from the full force of your grief. I was lucky that I had my husbands family and good friends to lean on at that time. Your situation sounds quite different. I can't imagine how much harder it must make the whole process. I hope you can find a grief counselor or someone to help you. Hugs to you, Liz

Kadji I am so sorry you are going thru so much pain and saddnes.But yes I think most of us here have gone or are going thru those same experiences. It's horrible,awful ,heart wrenching pain !! It does lessen and you will have better days but I think I will always have a place in my heart that will ache for my husband and all we shared.
How did your job interview go ? It sounds like maybe a change in your surroundings would be helpful right now. Do you have any close friends who would maybe welcome you to stay with them for awhile. Give you some comfort and support.? We all need that Kadji.
Peace and a big hug !!
Deb

Deb, thank you soo much for your kind words and advice. I have not heard back yet from the job interview, hopefully this week. No I don't have any real close friends because I have been taking care of my mom for so long that I really don't have time for that. I do have other family members including my "baby girl granddaughter" who makes me feel better though. Just don't always want to be so depressing to everybody. Just wanted to vent, thanks again for your kind words.
kadji

Being a caregiver is hard..I know.I have done it for 35 years and as rewarding as it is most days you still need " me " time. So whenever you can take that time. Be good to yourself !! And you are not depressing..your hurting and need to share. !!
I will say a prayer for job offer soon!!
Deb

Kadji
I'm sorry for your loss...I'm glad u r posting here..keep posting u r not alone

Kadji, your pain is so new, you are still in a fog.
You said you don't want to be depressing to everybody ... but that's exactly what you're supposed to be!
No one should expect you to be okay.

It's been over 4 months for me, and I want to run away, too.
This pain and heartbreak is a long journey. Grieving is hard.
Right now your pain is unbearable.
You have to take care of yourself. Please find a therapist or a grief support group, people to lean on.

We all understand, and we know exactly what you're going through.

Hugs,
Janie

Tomorrow will be one month since my Tommy went to heaven. I know your pain all to well. I hope in some way we cam all find some peace.

I'm also sorry for your loss. I have to admit it's been over 2 years since I lost my wife and tonight I am crying my eyes out. I don't know what hit me but it hit me good. You will always have the loss. Some days are better than others. Some days you won't want to get out of bed. Others you will find joy. You just have to take it as it comes. If you feel like crying then do it. If you feel happy then go with that. It's a roller coaster ride that never ends. Get ready for it.

I wish you peace.
Jeff

kadji, so sorry for all the pain. Please be gentle with yourself.... and take baby steps. My husband passed in March, and I joined a support group a few weeks after his passing. It helps to share and get support, plus the people contributing to this board fully understand the stages of grief. Are you the caregiver for your 84 year old mother? If your alcoholic brother lives with you, have you tried Alanon (for families of alcoholics)? Much peace to you....

It seems like you're dealing with more than the loss of your husband and that's hard. You have my love and respect for what you are doing with being caregiver to your mom and probably your brother too. I urge you to take (grasp even ) some time for you. You deserve to be loved and you can find the time to love yourself. Deep breathes and give yourself a favor and put your own needs first. Sharon

Kadji, could life heap one more thing on you? Your plate is full! Through all of it......you will find the peace you're looking for, how do I know.......because you're sharing it and when that happens things tend to change.

Whether it's you making the changes or an outside force keep going towards the "right" and light will shine through. Do what you know is the right thing to do and eventually it will get clearer and clearer.

Sometimes it takes longer than you'd like but keep working towards the goal of your life, on the right track and you will find the peace you are looking for.

I wish you well,
Roz

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with you still being in a fog. It takes time to grief and to get over your loss. Take baby steps with all of this and realize it will get better with time. 1 of the ways to help out is do something that you enjoy doing like sewing, knitting, gardening, being with other friends. Maybe grab a friend or two and go out to dinner and a chick flick movie. One of the things I did to help me out when my hubby went away is to volunteer at 1 of my local hospitals, which allows me to be out of the house, surround myself with new people who are now my friends.

And dang it so very true. I think its because when they are first gone your mind kicks in like they say the fog.....to protect us than we work on what do we do next: all those legal things, memorial things, etc
Than when we start the new normal living phase it hits us...and to me that is when its hardest for awhile. Soon you realize you have no choice but to live in your own way you go forward than backward than forward and finally more acceptance YOU are your life so do not beat yourself up...remember many are here to listen and help...
HUGS

Sorry I can not add much to the previous comments,but know that we all here are hoping the best for you...that you find and feel some relief and know that you are in my prayers as well...May GOD Bless you...Alex