Ther is no way to edit the above post, but the crux of this is I went on a trip last weekend to visit relatives and the post is about my feelings about the trip.

I'm 8 months out.My husband died in July last summer. I moved away 2 weeks after he died. It was a blessing and a curse. It made it easier to cope in a way but mentally it was hard, part of me wanted to be home where everything was when he passed but I couldn't stay here cause he died in the bathroom he had a heart attack. I was like a robot packing up 34 years of marriage.

I think it depends on you. If you feel like you can do it and want to do it. I knew I had to eventually move so I just did it. I'm much better today but I'll never get over it. Hugs to you! Miki/CO

I went on a trip 2 weeks after my husband died. I as mentally pretty good while I was there, but when I got home I was very sad & lonely and missing him. Then I went away again about a year later to visit a friend and when I got home I was so depressed I didn't know what to do with myself.

My opinion is while we are with friends or family we are in good spirits, its just when the reality of real life sets in to our "new Normal" we are lost again. That's one reason I hate to take a trip anywhere. Maybe this will fade with time, I don't know.

I am a believer that you do not do anything major for about a year. Hubby passed away in May, 2011, and I am now in the process of moving (if things go as planned!). The house is for sale, and I am totally at peace with it, even excited about it! You will reach the point where you just know the time is right to make this huge decision,with me it just felt right one day and things progressed from there.
Three weeks is SO soon, so very soon, to make such a life- changing plan, even if you are sure this will occur in the future. You can always start the endless tasks that will come with a move, that huge, major clean-out. Sorting, donating, recycling, packing...it all takes time.And it will have to be done at some point anyway.
Just my opinion, hope it helps.

I agree it's hard being home alone where you spent so much time together and I know many widows/widowers here have moved--some very happy they did so and some who wished they didn't have to. For myself--although at times it's lonely and sad--home is where I feel him the most. I know he will always be with me, no matter where I go, but I feel him stronger in the home we built together than anywhere else--I see him in the details--and I really can't think of anywhere else I would rather be. I'm two years in--who knows how I will feel down the road--but for now I am content to be here where I still feel him so close. I think only you will know whether you can be happy where you are or you need to move. I do think the common advice to wait a year is probably a rational one and probably good advice--but ultimately only you know what will make you happy or content.
Hugs and good luck in whatever you decide to do.
Wanda

I'm another who believes in waiting at least a year before making a life changing decision. I did a few things out of necessity which was selling two vehicles, a utility trailer, a camper, a boat, a sound system, and a gun collection. Those things I knew I needed to sell to make me more comfortable financially due to depreciation of most of the things.

We built our home together shortly after our marriage 27 years ago and I love my home. It's my safety zone and it's very small which really suits me now. The major issue I have is that I cannot mow the one acre yard. So, I've kept our lawn service that we've had for years. As long as I can afford to have someone mow the yard, I will.

However, you must make the decisions yourself as it's your life. If I were more isolated and didn't live in a subdivision, I might feel differently too.

Nessie from KY

I am at 9 months time, still having a hard time with the decision to move or not to move. I have not been on any trip so I don't know how I will feel being away and coming home. My first trip will be in October with our daughters and their spouses and grand children. We will start a family trip from here on.

I am capable of maintaining the landscape since we never had a gardener. We did everything on our own. It is just too big for one person on 2.5 acres. I will need to move out so that I don't have to take time off from work to keep an eye on the repairs to the home ready for sale. I did started the process of planning to build a 600 sq ft in-law quarter at my oldest daughter's lot. It is hard to imagine down size to such a small cottage. My friends and my other daughter did not like the idea. My thought is to have a small place near the girls and the freedom to take off going home to Canada or to stay with my younger daughter without having to maintain the landscape that takes up my weekend. I hope and I know my husband will understand that. He knew how hard I worked when he was away on business trips.

I had to make some hard decisions and did move less than 6 months after Dave died, I could tell you it was hard, but in my case I was glad to leave the old place behind and start fresh, but I had some very unique circumstances and it was a positive move and one my husband would have been happy and proud to see me make.

That being said, I always kept in mind as we (my kids and I) looked at houses, was this a house Dave would have liked, was this a house Dave and I had talked about as the type of house we would have bought together, and was this decision a decision we would have made together? When I was satisfied that we would have come to the same decision together, then I moved forward and bought the house I now occupy, otherwise I would have stayed where I was a bit longer.

My husband passed away on May 2, 2012. He had lung cancer and only lasted 4 months after diagnosis. Before he got sick, we lived in our RV and traveled - a wonderful life! When he got sick, I was forced to move us into a handicapped apartment so that I could manage his care better. He spent 85% of the time he was sick in the hospital, so he wasn't at the apartment very much. However, the times he was here with us (I also have an 8 year old daughter) were precious to me and I am still in the same apartment. I may move some day, but not now. I feel him here with us and it is a comfort to me in some ways. But I do understand the desire to move and start out "fresh". I guess in some ways, I did just that by moving us from the RV we lived in for 3 wonderful years to our apartment. I gave the RV to my step-son a few weeks ago and it was sort of a tearful event for me because my husband, daughter and I spent 3 glorious years living in it and traveling the US and Canada - so many wonderful memories were made in that RV! I did have the luxury of decorating the apartment to my taste since he was already so sick and couldn't help me. When he passed, I totally re-did the bedroom where his hospiital bed was and made it my "maw's cave" so to speak. It's my favorite room now - decorated with things that please me and relax me. I also feel closest to him in that room since that is where he spent most of his time when he was here in the apartment. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and comfort in this oh so hard journey! ((HUGS)) Debbie

My husband of 37 yrs. passed away 5 yrs. ago. At first I could hardly stand to stay home - went to Walmart to walk around just to get out of here. After a few months, that changed and I found it comforting to be home. There is no rule book for this journey we're on - just have to do what feels right for us. Take care.

One thing I did forget to say was for once in my life I completely changed the bedroom to reflect me and had fun doing it, I did not have to take into consideration that a man would also be living there. I consider my bedroom as my sanctuary, my place to get away and relax or cry as the mood strikes me. It is all about me now for the first time in my entire life and that does feel good.

I have a recliner and a TV on a wall unit with some favorite unicorn and carosel horses that used to be in the wall unit in the living room and I am surrounded by satin and light blue and lots of pillows on the bed, an all female room to be sure. I just love it.

Of course I would give it all up in a heartbeat of have Dave back, but if I can not have him, I will take the sactuary.

I find my emotions and decisions are unreliable now. The one year waiting period was something I didn't think I would need but now realize that I do and maybe longer.

You ask if it's an indication of how you will feel in 6 or 12 months - the short answer is NO.

If you are able to - i.e., if there is no pressing financial disaster that will force you to relocate - then DON'T YET. The coming year is going to be one of the hardest of your life, and the personal experience you will have going through it is not going to be bypassed by changing where you live. You will likely also have periods of very foggy thinking which will mean trying to make decisions, any decisions, in a totally new environment very dicey.

It would be unwise to rush such a major decision.

I would suggest that instead you might invite family and friends to visit - most people would love a weekend away in the country. You can surround yourself with the loving support you got on your trip without having to pull up stakes yet.

Cliff and I had planned on relocating after our younger son graduated. Cliff died 6 months before he graduated. A few weeks after graduation, I took an exploratory trip with my sister to another city in another state that we talked about moving to together. I wound up having a meltdown in the hotel room. I realized that no matter where I was, I was grieving for my husband - I was taking my grief with me wherever I was. I couldn't get away from it - not even surrounded by family and friends and with fun on my doorstep. I had to deal with my loss.

Cliff and I were together for 30 years. Everything around me was the result of joint decisions - we consulted on just about everything - and I could remember where and when we got everything from big pieces of furniture down to silly souvenir coffee mugs. Sometimes being surrounded by so much evidence of "us" was a comfort, sometimes it just made it worse. I did redo my bedroom - changed out all the linens and artwork and lamps - so it became "my" room instead of "our" room, and that helped give me a little respite.

I have since relocated. I am glad I did not move that first year. I needed the time both practically and emotionally to deal with all that I was letting go of, all the things that would never be again, and also to sensibly liquidate those things I wasn't going to take with me - like Cliff's guitars and some things that were valuable and collectible. It was also important for my sons that they have time to grieve and adjust. I guess that is not an issue for you, but it was for me, although I do wonder what your kids would think about it.

I think the advice to take the time to prepare is good advice. The only precaution there is to be aware that vultures come out of the woodwork after a death, and you will be amazed at how many people will ask you for things. I made the mistake, in my foggy thinking, of giving away things that I regretted later - like some of my husband's tools which I actually needed to maintain the house. I wound up having to replace the things I gave away. I also think as you go through the physical stuff that you will have moments of pain, so do not try to rush yourself through that process. You will be going through 45 years of shared life memories - that is not going to be a quick nor easy process. It is best not to force yourself - it isn't a race, you can take your time.

I hope this makes sense, and I hope that it helps. I almost hesitate to make some of these comments because you are so very new to being a widower, and these early days can be so raw. You will get through this, and what you should or should not do will become clearer over time. This is one of those rare circumstances where it is okay to be selfish and self-centered, so please take care of yourself and do what is best for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

You can't escape the pain by moving, so my advise is to wait if it is possible. Coming home is hard whether it's from a vacation, get a way, visit, or from work. That is just true. It is part of grieving to find a way to come home and be with yourself. I don't believe moving will change. It is your reality now, and not what we want to accept. Let yourself get through this awful time without big decisions. Change your room, move things around, buy new things you like and move slowly. I actually painted, bought what I could and made our home mine. In the end, the decision is yours. Sharon