Yes, I am a survivor of a loved one who committed suicide. It is a very difficult experience to get over. If you've gone through this, I'd be more than happy to talk with you about this.

Whew . . this is heavy communications indeed.

I had an uncle that committed suicide . . . but beyond that . . . I've contemplated on several occasions committing suicide myself. it's a very selfish act . . . and until one has been there, extremely hard to understand.

In my belief, we sign up for a life contract . . . with all of the inherent challenges given to us. There is a saying that "God doesn't give us more than we can handle", and I'd like to buy into that for sure. Maybe that's why I'm still here. ??

The suicide mind is a very scary place to be . . . and until you have experienced it . . . there is no true understanding. Other than one chooses to end their life contract.

I'm saddened to hear that you are asking the question, posting this post . . without really relating the "why" of it. ??? I'd like to know more if you care to share. Perhaps I could share more on the subject.

Warmest of hugs to youl xo D

buterflimc5,

My wife ended her life in 2009. Although I almost never post here on DS, on another site I have written many hundreds of times on the subjects of mental illness and suicide. The following paragraphs are a few excerpts from these posts:

"The psychological trauma of the survivor of suicide (SOS) of a loved one is classified among the most extreme that a person may ever experience. And this is made even worse when that suicide is of one's spouse, whose death is ranked as the single most emotionally stressful event in an adult's life."

"The great majority of adult deaths by suicide or addiction are not due to freely chosen, self-destructive behaviors or character flaws. They are instead the result of serious mental illnesses that often have a physiological/biochemical basis of genetic origin. Such illnesses may be chronic, life threatening, difficult to manage, and impossible to cure."

"I have accepted that her [my wife's] suicide was not about me or even her life circumstances. It was about illness. If medical science has learned anything in recent decades, it is that so many psychological/behavioral problems stem from physiological / biochemical abnormalities of the brain, many of which are genetically inherited. My wife's family has a long history of anxiety, depression and suicide."

"And if I learned anything during the past several decades with my wife, it is that clinical depression is a serious illness just as real as any other life-threatening illness, like heart disease or cancer. Unfortunately, it happens to be classified as mental illness, which makes it appear different. My wife died of a disease of the brain that impaired her thinking and her judgement. I take some comfort in accepting that she died, not by choice, but of natural causes."

Sorry for the traumatic loss that brought you here.

--- WifeLess

My husband of 12 years took his own life on Friday, January 27, 2012. It isn't an easy thing to see our loved ones battling with depression, its still an ugly monster which causes people to take their own lives.

We as survirors need to remember that our loved ones who choose to end their own lives, didn't do it to hurt us, they did it because they had a mental illness and felt that suicide was their only way out when there are other options out there to help them with whatever problem they are dealing with.