Dearest cat..you are not alone. I really just miss holding seans hand. I miss our smalltalk.laying on his shoulder. I was diagnosed with ptsd. Panic and flashbacks. But i made my self go out and do things. Your doing just fine. It just takes time. Big hugs and prayers sent your way. Carla
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I was diagnosed with PTSD before my husband pasted. I held all the emotions in from the lose of my first husband. My Jason was so great he helped me work through it and brought me out of my shell. I had flashbacks last night and ended up sleeping with my daughter.

If, you don't mind do you take an herbal for your ptsd? I was seeing a counselor, but they wont take me back because I missed an appointment the day of my husbands funeral.

I'm so glad I found this group. Hope you have a good day.

Hi Cat. I know the feeling you describe all to well. This is what I feel almost every day. I am so sorry for your loss.

Cat, the sleeping part got me too. By accident I found a method to overcome it. I went to my daughters wedding in October and took one huge suitcase. When I got home I put the suitcase on my husbands side of the bed and was going to unload it later. That night was the best night sleep I had. I know they have body pillows but the suitcase is hard and if I try rolling over or moving it reminds me not to. It may sound silly but the suitcase is still taking up his side of the bed and I'm sleeping very good at night. hugs Arlene

It just stinks we have to go through this. I have a friend that is making me a t-shirt blanket, she surprised me with a pillow made from his shirt I have been sleeping with that, it helps some.

I try so hard to not loose it it front of my kids I know they hurt also. I couldn't hold it in today. My daughter and I went to the cemetery to make sure the Christmas decorations hadn't blown away with the winds we had yesterday. Knowing he is there and I can't have him sort of speak.

We than went to the grocery store my wet eyes and I didnt care, I don't care what others think anymore. While there a guy we knew too me your to young to be that miserable, life is short and you have to move on. I know he is right, but I wanted to smack him.

I'm sorry for babbling so much, but I don't have anyone else to let it out to.

I had all my husbands T-shirts made in to a full size blanket, they also make small throws and pillows out of t-shirtsI love itgo to:
PROJECTREPAT.COM

You are so not alone! I couldn't stay at home for the first two weeks after my husband passed away. And I agree with you it would be nice to have someone here with me at night - just to be here for comfort. Unfortunately, our home is not finished and so we've been living in one room basically, besides the bathroom and kitchen. If you do not have a pet I'd suggest getting one. I know the only reason I'm home and can handle being here at night is because of our kids (cats). My hours rotate each week. So one week I'm on Day and the other week I'm on Second shift. Today was my day off and I knew I'd not be able to handle being here all day and then all night. The kids help but I too get anxiety issues, going to the store is a nightmare, run in and run out and only grab a couple of things. I had a panic attack when I went last week with a GF and we were in Walley world for about half an hour each of us getting what we needed together! If you are not in a support group find one in your area - find a counselor also. I know I do not like taking meds - but doc gave me Ativan - it does help take the edge off. I only take one during the day and then if I really need sleep like my days I work days I take two at night. It's not for everyone but it does help. I take them when absolutely have too. But, don't be afraid to call a friend or a family member. They might be busy with holiday stuff but true family and friends are there for you even on their busyies tof days! Hugzzz

I also take low dose ativan which has been a fight to get, there are no support groups where I'm at its a very small town everyone knows everyone.when I'm out people ask how I am I tell them ok I have learned that people distance themselves because they don't understand and dint know what to say.

I have a boxer that sleeps with me, he was Jasons wrestling buddy. I was seeing a counselor before he passed for the anxiety. I missed an appointment the day of his funeral, now they won't see me because I didn't call and cancel. Not like I even remembered having one at the time.

I'm like you about stores, I go in get what I need and have to get out. I hope the anxiety for all of us eases with each passing day.

hey cat, they put me on clonazepan, I was taking .5 but I even halfed that I just allowed my body to let go, wail, scream cry I only took the medicine a handful of times, I dont like to take medicine, especially meds, that make me feel flatlined, or in a fog. My biggest help was when I was baptized, had some very spiritual things happen, that you all wouldn't undersand or might think I was some weirdo if I even told you. I know this that I do believe that god is on all of our sides, if you just talk to god,(as if he was here, or as if he was a friend, over visition, he really does hear all of us, and is tryig to help us all and/or your husband, that has helped me alout. Meditation, find a quiet place, just to talk to your husband/wife, and just start to talk about the things he did that were funny, or made you smile. Concentrate on the positive. I am constantly having to take a step back and remember, sean wouldn't want me sad, he would want me happy, to not worry, and to relax, and smile. He would always tell me when he was here, it'd all work out and to have some fun. I miss him more than anything, but I know I can't have him back, and really, wouldn't want him back if he wouldve been crippled or a vegetable like they said he would've been. Wouldn;t have been fair to want him back for my own selfishness, eventhough secretively, I still think how much I would love to have him back. big hugs carla

I too have used the pillow trick off and on for comfort. It's strangely effective though it never really replaces the ones we lost. Big hug!