Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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loveddogs 07/05/2015

Here comes another wave! So many special occasions and Holidays are just too much! Easter he was dying, my daughters birthday he was dying, Mothers day he was gone, oldest son's birthday he was gone, daughter in laws birthday he was gone, Memorial day he was gone, Lola's birthday and the the Fourth of July he was gone. Spent the day at my daughters new (to them) home on the Lake. We were all there but him. His fishing pole, his lawn chair, his family but not him. Celebrated Lola's birhtday and the fourth since her little cousin couldn't be here Tuesday. Everywhere I looked I could just imagine him being there but yet he was missing out on all these "new " memories. Last year he wasn't well enough to really celebrate so we just stayed home. The year before over the fourth was the last time we took the camper and he felt well enough to celebrate. We always hoped for more, but the camper has been sitting in the drive since then as all of our time from then on consisted of dealing with his illness. I want to share these things with him, I find myself wanting to ask him questions and then I remember he's not here. And it kicks me in the gut again. Everyone went home about 4 and they all had plans for the evening. I came home to an empty house and you might know the whole damn neighborhood for some reason this year were having a gay old time. I couldn't sleep, I can't sleep again and all I am doing today is crying. I just want to sleep until this agony is over. But will it ever be over, will forty years of memories sustain me? Is this the 2 steps forward and the million steps back? Just so damn glad there are no more holidays or birthdays now until Labor Day. Will I make it through? And what is the point without him? It is so unfair. I did pretty well holding it together yesterday, but am making up for it today. I need to find a purpose, cuz I don't know what it is without him. Thank you all for understanding! Am I just going through another wave of misery? Hugs to all, Michele

dschwartz 07/05/2015

Michele . . all that you have written and described is unfortunately the norm in early grief. I'm so sorry that it's been a tough weekend for you, along with others here. The Holidays can trigger so many reminiscent memories of days gone by and the fear of those yet to come. Be gentle with self and allow room for your grief. As for finding your future purpose, it will come with time. You know you have purpose in the now of today. You are a professional and have a career. You are a mother and a grandmother. You are the glue that keeps your family together (your shared words from a previous post). You are also a grieving widow. Give purpose to your healing journey and you will become even more amazingly strong in the years ahead. I do understand your sorrow and your pain. As we all say, this journey is far from easy . . but we do survive it. Baby steps, keep it in today. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs, D

JesusisOurSaviour 07/05/2015

Michele,
I remember those early waves of grief.....even now, at one year plus 2 days, I am in the midst of a wave. We will make it through, hon, I know it's one of the hardest trying times.
I am sorry this week and weekend has been tough, you are one special woman. Your family is blessed to have you. Your purpose right now is to, do as you are doing, grieving and sharing.
I am thinking of you, I know tomorrow will be different, whatever happens!
Lots of hugs......Sandra

matoacalady 07/05/2015

Michele....I feel your pain too.....cried all day yesterday and most of today. Youngest granddaughter will be 10 tomorrow, then the youngest son's BD is wed and what would have been our 40th comes next Saturday......when does it end.

At some point I wish I would just feel nothing.....just numb.....it would be so welcome.

Hugs to you
Jen

wendimac 07/05/2015

I understand how you feel, Michele. On Canada Day I could actually hear the echo of the fireworks from my living room, and it made me sad...and on August 1 it will not only be BC day, but the day we met 22 years ago at Second Beach. I was thinking of going there with my son that day, but I should probably think about it first...will be too painful.

likemyguitar 07/05/2015

Hang in there! Every neighborhood was doing the same! Plus it was my sons birthday! I sat home alone!

hgsdms 07/05/2015

Was a hard day/weekend for many of us I'm sure. I too was alone and it was so hard to hear the laughter and gaiety at the neighbor's house knowing that there will never be that here again. Hugs to all. Darlene

marjoe 07/05/2015

Yes, Michele, this is a wave, and yes, there will be more, and yes, you will make it through. I promise.

As for our purpose, that takes a good while. Especially when there's 40 years of living one way behind you. Just accept, for now, that you've suffered a grievous emotional trauma, (and a trauma it is) and treat yourself as gently as you can. The only thing you have to do right now is survive, one day at at time. Hugs, Marsha

joannklingaman 07/05/2015

Oh Michele...... I can only say that I wish the pain for you would get better. When we have as many wonderful memories that you for 40yrs & me 38yrs have it's embedded in everything we do ....

I can only say my 38yrs of memories will sustain me for the rest of my life until we are together forever !!!! Amen

loveddogs 07/06/2015

Thank you all for your continued support. I spent the day crying and then sleeping and crying and then sleeping. I know it's good to cry, but hate too cuz I feel drained when I stop. I guess I just have to get used to these waves and deal with them as they come. Coming here is a wonderful blessing. Hugs to all, Michele

bookdragon 07/06/2015

Michele We share in your grief and we have all had those days where we cry all day and everything else is just a fog. I am hoping it will get better, but be kind to yourself until it does. I echo every one here, your family is blessed to have you and that is your purpose for now: to hold your family close to you. Big hug Patti

soalone2to1 07/06/2015

Michele,
So sorry the holiday was so hard for you. Noire works were always something we enjoyed watching.nndont want to see or hear them, but hear them I must till 3 am it seems every night this past week. The waves are tough and hit you out of nowhere. At 11 months 5 days I have learned to ride them out a bit better but still have tears I cannot control. I seem to cry for several days and then have a numb day of rest. Guess the system only has so many tears. Hang in there and try to surf the waves as much as you can till you meet again. Robyn

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