and the worse thing is, and I hope this doesn't happen to you, is that many of these sorts of organisations don't seem to have their act together over handling this sort of thing. Unfortunately people become widows or widowers every day but it seems to some big organisations it comes as something they are totally unprepared for.

I kept one account with a joint name open with very small amount just in case there are some lose ends that need to be deposited in his name. For example, I paid on the wrong account that was under his name. I got a refund check under his estate name and the bank won't let me cash the $10.00 check. I had to deposit it then spend it.

I remember the day I ordered new checks too. I felt guilty about it even though I knew that I needed to do it. The banks froze my internet accounts until I took his name off the accounts. I could still use the account. I just couldn't transfer money or use bill pay online. So taking his name off our accounts was one of the first things that I did after the funeral.

Nessie from KY

and I am sitting here with a refund heck in his name only, foe $1.37.....gee, I hate to let them have this. Its not even worth a phone call....

I really hate this too! Anytime I find the need to dispose of anything associated with my husband, whether I sell it or give it away ... or I have to remove his name from an account or a title ... or even clearing clutter and throwing away old irrelevant papers or magazines that he saved ... I feel like I'm losing a little bit more of him ... removing little bits of him from my life. It's just awful, plain and simple! I just hit the 6 month mark on May 2 since I lost my Bob ... what would have been our 32nd anniversary is coming up on May 30. I'll just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, marking time, stumbling & crying my way through this. I'll also keep coming to DS ... each one of you are a wonderful blessing.

I agree with Bob'sAngel. It is so hard to let go of these pieces. It is heart-breaking. I am at the two-month mark, and I can't seem to do the things I have to do. I can't clear up his night table. I can't switch accounts to my name only. I can't get the death certificates I need to settle various affairs. I feel sometimes t hat I am holding on to our past life by my fingernails.

Thank you DS contributors. When I can do nothing more than cry, I come here.
DorothyJoan

Still can't get myself to take his name off. So far the bank hasn't pushed it.

It's been 2 years and 4 months for me so I feel like a veteran reading your comments. I hope I don't bring the group down because I am not the example of how it gets better...

I left Cliff's name on a lot of the accounts and only removed what was necessary - like from our credit cards to make sure no one tried to steal his identity. Keeping his name on at least one bank account helped as stuff trickled in and as I had to close out his business - it made it easier to do those transactions. I did have to remove him from the car title to get the insurance straightened out - the insurance company was insistent on that. I nearly lost it at the motor vehicle office - you would think that would not be the time or place one would get sentimental, but then anything is normal on this journey.

I am sorry for your loss, and I do know how hard it can be. Some days it felt like losing him again bit-by-bit, and losing parts of my own life. I think that's part of why it's so hard to deal with these red-tape kinds of things - it's not just our spouses, it is ourselves and our life together. I sure didn't want to give all of that up!

I hope today is a better day for you. You are not alone.

Love and Hugs,
Martha