It's our first Christmas too without my hubby. My two young boys just want daddy for Xmas. Breaks my heart. I'm just trying to get threw it for them as well as myself. I know he's with us, I believe they don't die just move to the next journey of their lives.
I hope you get threw it with some ease. Hang in there, its a hard journey.

so sorry Cathy, yes it is so incredibly hard and these unexpected things will always be popping up to send us in a tailspin. With the help of God and our new angels we will find the strength to eventually go on with our lives in honor of them.
God Bless, Bernard

Cathy, sorry you are in that deep dark tunnel, but at least here you are not alone. Bernard put it so well. With the help of God, and new angels you will get through this. Things son't be the same, they will be different and tolerable. It has been three years now and it is still more difficult at some times than others.The holidays are always tough even though my husband was not that much into them he would do all the cooking for Thanksgiving and Christmas.Those anniversaries, and birthdays are very tough. My birthday is the day after Christmas and my husband used to make a fuss over it because growing up to the rest of my family except my mom was sort of by passed. Valentines day is tough he used to buy me a dozen roses, Mother's day is the day we were married so that is always depressing. But as time goes on it does get easier. It truly does.The sleeping part that took me some time. It might help to turn the bedroom around and have the bed turned around so the bed is not facing the same way. I painted my bedroom and got a new bed as well. Three out the triple dresser and gave the room a new look. This has allowed me along with time to get a good nights sleep. Some nights I am up wee hours like now. That is because I am not feeling well. But trust me it does work. The first year is always the most difficult. Be gentle on yourself.

I'm so sorry for your pain. And you are right, the holidays that we all loved so much, highlight the loss. This is the place to come to when you can't sleep or need to vent. We understand.

For me it's the cards and mail that came addressed only to me that hurt so much. In the seven weeks since it lost my husband, it seems like all I do is remove his name from my life. I could have kissed my insurance lady when she said we didn't have to take Bob's name off the mailing.

Sending lots of love and hugs your way.
BLessings
Sharon

I relate well to each time an anxiety trigger occurs, here comes the insomnia cycle again! Its difficult to control and even more difficult to make it through a whole day at work. I understand Cathy, My birthday is January 4th I will just ignore it really. I wish you peace