We almost made the 44 year mark.! He passed away March 31, 2015. I am truly sad that he is gone, like the truth is finally soaking into my heart and soul. I spent awhile in some kind of denial, I knew he was gone but just knowing that he will not get up this morning and pour a cup of coffee!!. It's real, it's true and it's sad.! I've been trying to move on but feel a little lost and disorintated. I am handling everything by myself and trying to do what is right but I know I will find out later if I am or not. I watch the world pass around me and wonder where I fit in now.! Seems I have lost the one who mattered and not so sure he would miss me this much.?!?. He was a type A personality, nothing stopped him, he was a very demanding man and I was just in love with him. I am, was, co-dependent I suppose. Never realized that until nowadays. I depended on him and he did demand that I did depend on him. Funny what I see looking back. I still love him, always will love him. I am sure he is with those who he loved, mother, sister, grandparents and a few friends who died before he did. I truly want him to be happy wherever he is. He was a good man in so many ways.He loved to work and was a perfectionist about it. He loved his boys, we had three. He said he would really miss them and I think his soul is with them every day., and the grandchildren, oh, he was all about them !! He left me with some CD accounts, we have two rent houses, one our middle child is using, rent free, we have a mini storage business, and I get spousal benefits. I am blessed beyond what I could ask for, I was a damn good wife to him in all the ways that matters to a man. I never refused him nothing, and went out of my way to be the best wife a man could ask for, especially the last 5 years, that was the cancer years. Watching a perfectly viable man turn into a weak, unable to walk man !! This must have effected me more than I realized, me and our youngest son took care of him here at home until the last, and my youngest son should never have had to see the things he saw and clean up messes and literally put up with the insanity of a man who has lost all reason. I would never want another man to die at home. The bed he slept on is still empty. I don't go there. If you can't understand that, then to heck with you ! We were young once and enjoyed all the things that come with being so full of life. Although we started out poor, we did our best to scrimp and save and own our own business. The joys of bringing three babies to this house, watching them grow into good young people, and then looking towards our older years, the kids are grown and BAMMM !!!! ""! Well, he says, " I can beat this " he said. And we set about reading and running everywhere, doing every damn thing in this world to "beat" this!!! Just so we could say, "We did everything we knew how to do", some right some wrong, but we did our best.

HAPPY 44TH ANNIVERSARY TO US !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ruthann