Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today I was spending more time going through things and came across mementos Dave had kept. I found myself tearing up since our anniversary would have been just a few days away. Even though our marriage was not so happy for many years, we did still have good memories and a decent start. I was reminded of those times.
On top of that, the anniversary of my mom's death is another week away. (and that happened the week before her birthday) So this is not a good month.
I’m sorry for your loss and sorry this month will be such a rough one for you.
Grief is such a complicated process, much more complicated than I would’ve thought before becoming a widower..
My own experience as well as listening to others in groups I’ve gone to has made me think Maybe we grieve the connections lost as much as anything. Or maybe we grieve the opportunities or hope lost as well as the love and companionship.
I’m not really sure how to say it. I have heard many people talk about issues they had with marriages etc and my own marriage had its faults, however while the person was alive, there was hope. Hope for proper closure if that’s what was needed. Hope for a change in behavior or circumstances if that was what was wished. Hope for a person to get well if they were sick or struggling.
Death is the sudden and absolute end of all of the hopeful journeys you were on and in the case of a widowed person the journey you were on with someone, is now a devastatingly lonely one..
Sometimes I think, logically this shouldn’t be so hard for me. She is gone, She cannot come back I have to move on and grief is not helpful. However I cannot will this to stop, I wish I could...sort of.....
I guess what I am saying is, all roads these days lead to grief...we have lost an important person, in your case this month brings up two important people and that is a lot to deal with.
I don’t think my convoluted thoughts are any help but I am sending positive thoughts and wishes for you to find some peace and joy even in these weeks.
Joe
Believe it or not, I do get it and I too think we mourn all those things lost ....opportunities, companionship, as well as those memories (good and bad) . I think when we love someone if it were so easy to just turn off the emotion, then we did never truly care . So even though we are currently hurting, we can take comfort knowing that we did truly know what that did feel like while we had it. (and that should be a blessing in itself. )
I'll also keep you in my thoughts and prayers as well. Thank youm for reaching out.
Hugs, Kim
I am trying not to focus on his last night, or the many rough times.... but instead remembering the good times that we did share. It is just hard as I am reminded of the emptiness and loneliness I feel now. I had made a very good friend, but am also feeling a bit abandoned by him as well which makes today a little harder.
For now, just going through the motions.
Sending hugs to you on this rough day.
I am certainly familiar with going through the motions to try to make it through, and I hope someday all of us are able to get through these days with more serenity than pain.
Best wishes,
Joe