She's not entitled to it. She relinquished her rights to it years ago. Anything not specifically designated otherwise belongs to you. It's YOUR stuff.

I understand your anger, and you're entitled to be outraged. It IS outrageous!!!

Love and Hugs, Martha

Oh could I write books about the X. I so get what you are saying. There is no rational explanation to our feelings when we first lose the love of our life. It is gut wrenching and everything affects us in ways that we never expected. Now at over 22 months I can actually laugh at some of my thoughts and actions early on. The X really is no one to me now. She is someone to his children...whom we both love. I actually now wish no bad luck on her, though for months I was so mad at her and the way she treated my husband when they split up and she refused to let the children see their father early on. It is like I picked up on my husbands relationship with her. Eventually I realized that it was between the two of them and had nothing to do with me...but the books I could have written for so long about things she did and said and how insane I felt over all of it. Anger is a much easier emotion than pain. Anger is a lot more powerful. I'm glad though that I am not still angry because it did nothing for me or for my health.

Anyway...you have a right to each and every feeling that you have. Please do not ACT on these early feelings. You are grieving and need to be kind to yourself during this time.

Lots of hugs to you as you continue to put one foot in front of the other.

-Diana

if she wants the wedding ring, she has NO RIGHT TO IT. Tell her NO - give her any reason you want. I know -- tell her you hocked it! LOL That ought make her mad! LOL Or tell her you melted it down and wear it as a toe ring. LOL

If she wants HIS ring, then tell her you want HER rings back -- it's only fair!!! If she says no, then no deal. LOL

She has her nerve, the witch. I wouldn't let her in the house -- just talk to her at the front door. She doesn't need to see what you have IN the house --- i wouldn't put it past her to break in sometime.

Best of luck -- and tell her she'd better bring the cops with her. LOL Hugs, Lee

She has no right to anything you have now. She gave up that right long ago. How to let it go? I think writing it down, yelling it out, telling his sons. Those are ways I would let it go. They should not have brought her to the spreading of the ashes without your permission. That was between you and your husband, she should have stayed away. If she was there to support her sons, she could have done that from afar. I always say, the more you let others bother you, the more they have won. Tell her to butt out, and then just let it go. Do not let her win.

Let it out, scream, do what ever you need. You owe her nothing. The anger is justified. I journal my anger. YEP I write in BIG letters, swear words and all. Lots of times. Hit a pillow, DON"T kick the dog.

I also found IF I could take a walk, it really helped. I found a friend or went alone and walked as fast I could. Winter is not helping that right now and I really feel the need for a walk. But don't feel guilty for being angry.

Here's a hug,
Kathy

I would like to repectfully offer a different perspective
After my Dad died, my Mum acted out - as though she had loved him, even though she had left, divorced him and moved on many years before and as his children, we felt some comfort that our Mum was grieving with us and that she had actually loved our father [in some way at some time] something we had wondered about.
It was years later when I heard her say she had never lost anyone she had loved before, not since her mum as a teen, that it hit me she did not really feel that way about my Dad, which made me sad. I also realised she just wanted to be a part of what was going on and had a need to make it about her in some way.
If you can, take a deep breath and just consider it may be helpful for her children, be gracious and ignore it. Your husband was a good man, and no doubt deserved her respect and to be valued and missed, and that takes nothing away from you or what you shared and had with him, it cannot. Maybe if it were you, you might like to be there for your children?
As far as the ring goes, if you don't want to give it back, tell her you are not sure he kept it and if you come across it you will let her know, then you can let things settle and decide later what he would want/what you would like to do.
I wear my Mum and Dads, as it means something to me.

Holding this much anger is unhealthy. It is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Bill was married for eight years and had a son before he and I were married. She divorced him.

But they still had eight years and a son together.

Regardless of why she left him.

We raised Lennon together...the three of us. It wasn't always easy and I am sure that our bad times at first often outweighed the good. We were human.

As he got older we became more civil with one another.

By his graduation we all sat down together and talked like old friends...about raising him...politics...life...

The night before Bill died they had a long telephone conversation with each other...closure.

The long trips away...the music...the musician's life was not for her...but that did not make her a BAD person. Just a person who needed a 9-5 husband.

Long story short, when we meet with Lennon in March during his college break I am transferring a bit of his ashes in a container for her, her sister and her mother to have their own closure. They were a family for eight years and had their own history.

It does not diminish anything that we had together by acknowledging this.

I don't think entitlement is the question here. Just basic civility toward another human being who may be feeling/dealing with her own feelings of loss and regret.

I don't know why you would want her rings even if you had them.
If there were children from the marriage she probably just wants to pass them on.

I wouldn't want them and I certainly wouldn't waste my energy of the negativity of staying so angry...we need all the energy we can muster right now just to heal.

(((hugs)))

Carla

Ypu have every right to be mad. What nerve!!! Vent whenever you need to, it is not good to keep it in. Can you tell her that you don't know where it is or that he tossed it when she left him? I would not let her have it. I am so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully it will all pass soon. Sending you hugs,
Renee'