It's always been amazing to me how family can become enemy in times like these.
If your name is also on the account I would talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. I am certain your husband would wish for you to receive what he intended for you to have if something happened. But if not just being his wife should be grounds for legal action.

In my case I have a stepdaughter also. For years before loosing my wife she would not call for days or weeks. Got so bad that my wife just stopped trying to contact her. Because of it causing depression. I finally got her to not let it get to her, but it being her daughter, still ate her up.
After my wife went to heaven I thought the shock would have brought her around. She moved in with me around Thanksgiving. Had plans to start going to Church and getting in college. She started a new job and seemed she was on her way. I told her I would help in anyway I could; thinking it was the last thing I could do for my wife Lyn since she couldn't be here for her.
Well at Christmas time she started to show some old behaviors; disappearing on me. No contact until the time got longer and longer. It had been about three months since I had heard anything from her. She would tell me she was at one her girlfriend's house but I knew where she was the whole time. So lying was going on.
I finally ran into her at the local store. The guy she was with was there. She said they were engaged. She wanted me to walk her down the isle. So now I was a stepfather again. But I can't be a part time parent when it's convenient. She is thirty one.
She has a good heart. She wasn't raised to behave this way. My wife took extra time with her trying to teach her right. She is smart and has tremendous potential. Her problem is low self esteem and worrying about what others think. Recipe for disaster.

The advice I would give you right now is to do whatever you needed to take care of you. If it means talking to a lawyer to see if you had legal grounds then do what you have to do.
Please don't forget to take care of you.

Peace, Tim

What if you did nothing, but take care of YOU. You did the right things, the rest is on her, not you. You never begrudged her, and you are not fighthing with her and I always, always believe what goes around comes around, but not always on our time. I'm so sorry your going through this, I was 43 when my husband died and he was 52. So I can understand, neither of us, expected either of us to die for many years to come. Fortunately, we had everything taken care of, because the line of work he's in, was very dangerous, and he had a son and daughter, who stole thousands, and I literally mean thousands, when we married, his daughter had stollen over 20 grand, and I had to come in and pay everything off, so he said, because Im the only reason he got to keep two properties with things in them he couldve lost.. that I should own them too, in case anything ever happened. Unfortunately, he had to sell most all of them, because he had gotten hurt at work, and we needed the funds to be able to survive financially.... luckily he had a small life insurance, and some help elsewhere, it helped some. I wish you the best of luck, and it;s ok to have and feel all the ways you are feeling. It's so sad how family act when someone in it, passes away. Greedy, self centered, sometimes. Much love and gentle hugs carla

I understand your anger, I've had enough of my own to deal with since my wife passed almost a year ago from cancer. My wife's family disowned me after her death. Family choose to take out there anger on me after her death. My wife and I had a setup a trust and wills, some family did not like some of the language but it was what we believed was fair and equitable. Emotions run very high after a death in the family, some of the wounds heal and some may not. The best think is for you to take care of you (self care) and surround yourself with loving and caring people.

I found many things angered me and your situation would top the list. Some things you could consider would be blocking her on Facebook so you don't have to witness her poor behavior. I think it's admirable you are taking the path you are by not confronting her. That would be difficult for me, but the right thing to do. Concentrate on you and your needs. Sharon

Jen; My husband always used to say " You never truly know someone tell you share an inheritance with them." We went through hell with his siblings after his mother died. He couldn't believe how they acted over material crap and the few dollars she had left. He was the executor of her will. He told them to take it all and walked away. He said it wasn't worth all the stress. He Never spoke to them again after that. After my husband passed his sister called my daughter crying said how bad she felt and guilty she and his brother felt about the way every thing went his mother. She said well Auntie I'm not going to ease your guilt over what happened between you and my Dad it's too little to late, you'll just have to live with it and hung up.
My husband had helped these people through divorces and job losses, giving them money and morale support even had his sister's daughter live with us for awhile. Took great care of his Mom too. He was the oldest and always felt a responsibility for them after his Dad died. He was so hurt by the way they acted over Stuff.
Take care of yourself first try not to dwell on the negative to long.
I find Karma takes care of people like this sooner or later.
You can try talking to a lawyer. This happened to a friend of mind years ago with a stepson. Didn't do her any good because he hadn't changed his will. They were married 23 years. I just think it shows never assume anything, even in long term second marriages. Always make sure your name is on everything along with your spouses. Just my opinion for what's it worth.
Happy Trails, hugs and peace...Gail