Funny, I was walking along the other day thinking just what you posted. I still feel so connected to my dear husband (it's been 2 months since he's gone). And I know he will be waiting for me when it's my turn to "cross over". I know it in my heart - BUT - what you say is true. If I were to go on to somebody else (and I can't imagine it) - then what?

I know love has no limits and we can love many people, but to me a soulmate is a soulmate.

I hope somebody else can shed some light on this, since I don't seem to be able to.

Over the course of the years we were together. my husband & I discussed this very thing more than once. Neither of us wanted the other to remain alone. Still, I think I'd have a hard time not feeling guilty. I'll let you know how I feel if it happens....I just know I don't intend to be grieving for the rest of my life though I will always love and miss him. I want to be happy again.

The Bible does say that it is ok for a widow to find love again and remarry, but it doesn't say that she HAS to. That is a completely personal choice that everyone makes on their own and their own timetable. I don't think that the choice to remarry or even to date again changes the love that you had/have for your previous spouse. I know that I loved my husband and his death didn't change that at all. For me, I'm finally open to finding someone that makes me happy and I'm ready to be happy again because I was miserable long before he died and while he was sick, I didn't get to do a lot of things that I wanted to do.
But, that is my opinion and my viewpoint. My experience and my age is different than yours. Hopefully you can respect that. I would say don't pressure yourself into thinking that you have to find someone else. If you cannot love but one man, then don't. Like I said earlier, you don't HAVE to remarry. It's a choice.
Hopefully, this might help you some.

O.K., I'm going to try to take this one on because it seems to be something that we are all facing and none of us seems too thrilled with the idea of loving another. My understanding of the Scriptures is limited, but I am feverishly delving into what God is trying to teach me through this ordeal we call "widowhood, or widowerhood". I'm actually reading The Bible for the first time in my life.

There is NO question that we were joined together with our spouses and we vowed that we would remain that way "Until Death do us Part". Well.....death DID us part. At least in the physical sense. But not in the emotional and spiritual sense as we understand it. But we, as human beings, do not fully understand the level of existence that God has prepared for us in heaven. We were so attached to our life's partners that it seems so disrespectful of their memories to even consider the possibility of loving another person in this way.

I believe that in Heaven, our spirits are joined together with Him, and He embraces us all without regard to our gender or our relatively trivial lives and roles on the Earth. I believe that the spirits of our mates care only for our happiness and comfort as we await our call from the Master to go to Him. I believe that the perfection of Heaven does not allow for the human emotions of jealousy or disappointment or the sense of betrayal. I believe that the souls of our life's partners would rejoice in the knowledge that we found another heart to make whole. This is what I believe.

What I KNOW is that if I had preceded my Barbara in death, I would want her to live happily. I would not want her to be burdened from having to carry a torch for me. If her heart were to find another heart, I would rejoice in her happiness. And when her time came, we would all be walking the Streets of Glory secure in the knowledge that we lived our lives on Earth in a loving way.

This is what I believe, and all that I know about the subject. If you follow this link, you will see and hear something thought provoking, yet beautiful.........Joe...:-)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niDHn59C-NA&feature=related

Joe, I have to agree with you about how we are perceived in Heaven.

In Biblical days, many widows were supposed to marry a brother of their husband, or a relative of his family, especially if they had no children. [thank God, Joe and I had children! :o) plus, that is no longer something we follow]

Also, there is a story of a widow who married her dead husband's brother, he died, she married another, etc. There was a question asked about who her husband would be in Heaven, because she had married several brothers. The answer was that we would NOT be married in Heaven. We are on a completely different spiritual level there. That is not to say you won't know and still love the ones that left before you. I believe we shall, but, we will acknowledge that love on a much higher and different level than an Earthly level. IMO

I can so relate to this discussion. NewRoadsForMe has been able to put into words my exact feelings on the subject. Like everything else in life, another companion is a personal choice. There is no right or wrong, even though there are people we come across who can make us feel like it is mandatory, or expected.

I can truly say that for me, my life is fine now just the way it is. I have suffered greatly since my husband died, and surprisingly have survived. Handed this new life by force, not by choice. Briinging another man into my life isn't a thought that is entertained, nor wanted. It has nothing to do with betrayal or feelings of guilt.

I too have a difficult time comprehending how a person can enter into an intimate relationship when there is love for the one they lost.

The only explanation I can give is that we are all unique and different in our perception of life, death, and rebirth. Unfortunately, I can't give any insight into the quotes of the bible.

I think that for each person the choice of whether to try love again is just that.......their own choice. It is not for us to judge another's decision just to do what feels right in our own hearts. It is my own personal belief that those who choose to love again in no way show disrespect to their loved ones that have died. I am not looking for nor do I expect to love again....but for those that find love and take another chance.....I wish them luck and happiness.

The Bible was written in another time....when women had not much say in life. Today, the option to re-marry is a personal choice. I, for one, do not, and never have believed in the concept of "till death do us part". Todd and I promised to be together all of our days on Earth and all of our days beyond that. I do not want another man....and I sure don't need one. When my time here is done, I believe Todd will come to get me and we will be safe home.peace...Kaaren

I had thought that my opportunity for love and happiness had passed me by. I was resigned to live my life single and would make the best of it. I threw myself into my work and family and had no interest in a relationship. Then I met Rudy. I was blessed with those years. I am once again at that point. My opportunity is seemingly passed and I have known such a great love to now compare any others to. I am picking up my pieces and resuming my life and have put my future in the trust of God. I surely can't perdict the future.

I've had these thoughts myself. I remembered that it took me awhile to emotionally feel united "as one" after we were married. I feel as though part of me died, when Chuck died. I'm trying to emotionally get used to the feeling of being back to the old "one" and being just me.
Chuck and I had the discussion, when he was ill and knew his time was limitied. Neither one of us wanted our physical union to end, but we didn't have a choice. I asked him if I had his permission to be happy again, if he was Ok with me finding someone else. He said, "Of course." I'm open to the option of finding someone else, having someone to share life's experiences with. We felt that the new relationship wouldn't be the same, possibly more of a companion than a soulmate.

Great discussion. When David and I were married, the minister said those famous words "until death do us part.." and I said "ha - death will never part us!" And he answered "I'm not touching that one!"
Little did we know that David would die 12 years later.

Anyway, that's not what I really wanted to say. I see no problem in someone loving another, going on with life, etc. My question was who will help me across when I die? I KNOW in my heart it will be David, but if I re-marry (not likely), then what about the new person?

I agree with Joeinaz, that there are no human emotions in heaven. After all heaven is a spiritual place, with pure positive love (that's the way I see it), so maybe there will be all the ancestors, family, etc.

I guess we won't know until the time comes.

My husband and I talked about what we would do if one of us died before the other. I told him I wanted to be a nun and he told me he would go to Alaska on a fishing boat. Neither one of us wanted to resume our same lifestyle// I havent become a nun.. I think I will remain unmarried and stay close to my kids and grandkids
be.

I think everyone has to decide that for themselves. I have 2 sisters who have lost their spouses. One has remarried and says she is very happy. But admits it is more of a companion. The other sister has been widowed longer goes out but never plans to remarry. I do believe I will never either as my husband was my true soul mate. The only man I ever loved or cared to be with. When we married we said forever instead of till death. I hope he will be the one to lead me to the other side when my time comes. Until then I will live my life in honor of our love and try to raise my son to be a wonderful man like his father was.
I do not need another man to take care of me. I feel one must do some things for themselves. I also do not think it fair to another man not to give him my whole heart. If some can find love and remarry again I wish them all the best. It is just not for me.
Cie

Well said, Cie. Thank you.

Richard and I were together 38 years. Our lives intertwined and there is a lot of history and memories.

I don't need another man either. Perfectly content taking care of myself. The only place I belong is in my husband's arms, and that will come in its own time.

In the meantime, I am a second mother to my nieces and nephews, enjoying traveling, and spending more quality time with my friends, which, naturally, one doesn't do when married. And my part-time business keeps me busy too.

Very interesting post........started to think about "death"............death of the body? of the spirit? of the soul?.........and many more concepts of death rattled around in my mind............our intent was always and forever.........and yet, the sorrow beomg without my best friend is almost unbearable at times............

So I ventured out to dinner with a man I didn't know well at all.............trying to fill the hole in my heart.........and it was ok at dinner but on the way driving home I thought.........ok it took up a little time, he was complimentary and my ego got a boost...........but it was not my love, and there was no substance..........it wsn't exactly..."what's your sign?" but there was no history........how could there be..........and I missed that............

I realize that it was only one time........however, what I learned is that I am no way ready even to consider companionship.at a dating level.........will just have to keep going
through" and praying about where I am supposed to be on this path of life..(borrowned from one of my drear friends here....lol)
Have tried to fill the void in a few ways that did not have any lasting effect on my walk.........out with excess spending, healing touch program, dinner dates,..........

So , my wisdom for MEh ,is for today....because tomorrow it may change...........lol.............is to just be where I am and stop trying to get away from the hurt, or plan how to heal ................
It was by divine appointment that Norm and I met after 35 yrs.........and were married and spent 16 years together.......the best ever in my life...............so believing in no cooincidences, I will again try to put my faith in the plan God has for my life..........
..........L