Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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calgaryhair 07/28/2015

This Friday it will be 6 months that my husband Ron passed away. I think the most amazing thing after all these months is that I continue to live and breathe. As some of you will agree, in the early weeks, the pain was so intense I would just sit and wait until my breathing would stop. I didn't think it was possible to still live but hurt so much! I know the new members are feeling like that today and I understand how you are feeling. At 6 months, I still have tears. Came across an appointment card this morning. Remembering I had to call and cancel because he had passed away. Boy was that a hard call to make!! But the card brought tears. I do not sob like I did and my tears are over quick but they are still nearby. I look at his clothes and no not yet. Maybe next week. No one speaks of Ron anymore. Even if I mention him it is always, "poor Ron" or "you are doing great". Even when I feel like I am on the edge. I continue to be very fortunate to have an amazing support system. My life has completely changed. I am wondering and even looking forward to my future. It is up to us to make our future, I think that is one lesson I have had to learn. I will be forever grateful for this site. First few weeks I practically lived on this site. Visiting it 10 times a days and through the nights. But I survived thanks to the guidance and support and advice I received from all of you. Thanks I owe you my live. Now another day ahead of me. Lets see what it brings. Love, Diane

dcheramie 07/28/2015

My condolences, I am very sorry for your loss..

I am just a couple months ahead of you and I echo your sentiments..

I was going through papers the other day and found an appointment paper for November 19th 2014, for my wife to be evaluated for a kidney transplant..(she passed on the 11th)

it took several months after last november for me to stop getting appointment reminders from various doctors and hospitals (even though they had all been called, and as you mentioned, those were all hard tearful calls for me too)

This site and the support from all of you has helped me (its also made me sad at times, but i suppose thats to be expected ; this is after all not just a happy social site..)

taking things one day at a time now as i keep moving towards whatever awaits me out there..

statsmaster 07/28/2015

Diane,

You have a future and you are correct in that it is yours to make. And you are doing great in your outlook for tomorrow. Keep the bright eyes open and the mind thinking positive thoughts. We know there are no replacements for the past and only new opportunities for the future.
When you least expect it the future shall appear. Working for me!

Hugs and peace to you!

Dewey

wendimac 07/28/2015

Oh those reminders..I had the eye clinic call me a couple of weeks ago asking to speak to Tom...I had to tell them that he had passed away...around the same time, I ran into a lady who lives in a complex we used to live in years ago...she asked how he was...I had to tell her..it's been just over four months, and I still cry every day, several times day...everything is a trigger..
You are right..we continue to live...but the quality of life just isn't the same...I try to be strong for my son...and on the outside, I appear pretty much 'together' most of the time...but the truth is, I'm a compete mess...

loveddogs 07/28/2015

And how do we call this "LIVING" I am simply existing! So sad and tied to the past and wanting to go backward in time. Not forward to the loneliness and emptyness. What is the reason, what is the purpose and why him? There are so many nasty people out there, but he was kind, loving, considerate and he was MINE. Trying to hang in there. Hugs to all, Michele

Coop84 07/29/2015

Diane: I agree about the early weeks and months being dark and very painful. At 14 months, I too am looking forward to a new life and have an amazing support system. You are absolutely correct that it is up to us to make our future and I do not want it to be sad and lonely!! This site has been a blessing for all of us. I do not know what I would do without you all. Thank you!! Sue

Rainbow27 07/29/2015

It doesn't seem to end. Yesterday received a card in the mail it was a friendly reminder for my husband's eye appointment. Telemarketers still call and ask for him. I just hang up. Thank you all for the sharing and support.

kgray41 07/29/2015

I am also at 6 months since the love of my whole life passed on! I miss him every second! We were together 41 years, my whole life really! Hard to remember my life without him. I was 17 when we were married! I keep getting mail addressed to him. I get special offers on cars and such. I just call them and ask them to take him off of their mailing list. They are always so apologetic, but it keeps bringing it up that we are just " me" for now!!
I survive by keeping my focus on the Lord, and my belief in His soon return. It really helps to think about Him returning again and with my precious Bob at His side!!

kkg17 07/29/2015

I could have written this very post! Your words and thoughts are my words and thoughts. Im a month behind you-- maybe next month Ill feel more proactive about my future. Well written, Sista...
Isnt it sad that our fabulous hubbies seem so forgotten by the world? I still have his active cell phone, and he has not gotten one call or email (besides Junk.) Hes not mentioned in anyones facebook posts...
But because of them, we are forever changed, and our outlook on life will never be the same.

ptorres 07/29/2015

kkg17 , I just turned my wife's cell phone off yesterday and it was another trigger. I recorded her voice message and will now use her phone as my own but have not received a call on it in several weeks except junk. It has almost been 6 mos for me and I could not face the finality of turning off that phone. And Diane sounds like you are on your way to some healing good for you. I feel stronger each day as well but then WHAM it will hit me and knock me down again. ~Pete

lmj90 07/29/2015

Its been 9 long, crappy months for me and my kids. I turned my husbands phone off with in a month of his passing. Not sure that was the right decision but I did it. There was no voicemail message in his voice but I still have his phone it shows the last call he made to me and our very short conversation. Oh how I miss my phone ringing and him asking how my day was or telling me where he was headed for work. Triggers are so plentiful for me. Everything and every place. So many have said oh you are doing great..... NO im really not so I must be faking it well. I feel as though there is no real future without my Mike I simply go through the motions. Im glad you hae hope for yourself and I wish you all the best

wendimac 07/29/2015

I still haven't filled out the 'death' forms to collect any benefits related to him or his CPP...it just makes it more real, but my friend who is also a widow told me that there is a time limit..I'm already at 4 months, its just so hard...

slimbear 07/30/2015

wendimac, filling out those forms was so, so hard. I would do one, then be worthless the rest of the day.

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