Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
(thanks deborahd02, your intro of a couple days ago and the kind replies in turn, encouraged me too to join).
Hi all, my name is Nanne; my partner of 23 years had a heart attack while swimming in his health club pool, and he drowned. John was my life. Although it's been a year and a half, I find it almost harder now to deal with, than it was early on - when I was numb and it was new. Now I see the abyss of his loss at a longer distance, feel like I'm floating out to sea (water again - interesting) watching familiar land get further and further away& behind me is a dark swelling ocean.
On top of it I lost my employment a couple of months ago. You don't realize how important something occupying your time is, especially when you're grieving, until you haven't something occupying your time!
Spiritually I know, at least I've read, that that sort of relinquishment, can be an opportunity, if not an honor. Realizing how attachment to "things" we fill our lives with...is an illusion from which we need to surrender and release. But I tell you it's hard; hard to stay in the moment, hard to try to stay focused, hard to find meaning in life without everything you attached meaning to.
And the only people who really know are the people who have gone through it. So I need you. Thank you for being there and for sharing your grief with me.
Hi all, my name is Nanne; my partner of 23 years had a heart attack while swimming in his health club pool, and he drowned. John was my life. Although it's been a year and a half, I find it almost harder now to deal with, than it was early on - when I was numb and it was new. Now I see the abyss of his loss at a longer distance, feel like I'm floating out to sea (water again - interesting) watching familiar land get further and further away& behind me is a dark swelling ocean.
On top of it I lost my employment a couple of months ago. You don't realize how important something occupying your time is, especially when you're grieving, until you haven't something occupying your time!
Spiritually I know, at least I've read, that that sort of relinquishment, can be an opportunity, if not an honor. Realizing how attachment to "things" we fill our lives with...is an illusion from which we need to surrender and release. But I tell you it's hard; hard to stay in the moment, hard to try to stay focused, hard to find meaning in life without everything you attached meaning to.
And the only people who really know are the people who have gone through it. So I need you. Thank you for being there and for sharing your grief with me.
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Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
I too am having a hard time finding positives at this time in my life but I try and stay hopeful and refuse to let life keep kicking me down.
I have not been happy at my job for sometime now so as you say this can be an opportunity and I will treat it as such. It also has been occupying my time and helping keep my mind busy in this time of this awful grief but I feel I need much More than that.
Our lives are in a constant state of flux. Things change constantly good and bad and it's how we react and handle those changes that determine the state of our well being.
I hope the best for you and you are also correct in that only those that have walked this walk know what we are going through.
Take care. ~Pete
What you said reminded me of something I read in a very old book called "'The Unobstructed Universe' ('channeled" it was, at the end of the first world war when spiritualism flourished)). It was trying to explain in human terms where people end up when they cross over. Betty, the deceased spirit, advised:
"It's not what happens to you in life but what you think about it..." (which takes you to a bliss of heaven or to a self imposed hell, so to speak).
I think that is wise advise to stumble through existence with, but often easier said than done... we're still left down here stumbling! (look at Scottie in the kitchen :)
To both you & Scottie, I'm sorry for the loss of your loves...they are lovely! God Bless!!!
as said before, we need you as much as you are here needing us. Each person is important, all openness helps others.
xO
Barbara.
I read posts here for awhile before I could actually bring myself to respond or post anything. The reason was I still operated as if Linda my wife was still with me. Somehow participating made it too real and I would have to start accepting it. There may be other sites or groups out there that do a good job but I really found the folks here genuine and supportive. They were describing exactly what I was going thru and it was then I knew I had to try. They had and were going thru it and got what I was trying to say to others. Best part no one tells you your wrong or shouldn't feel that way. It is unconditional which is what we need at this time. Everyone goes thru this differently and at their own pace.
For me I am a man of faith as was my wife. We never believed in pushing our beliefs on anyone else and were advocates of free will, the right of a person to choose. But for me a lot of praying and talking to God has gotten me to this point. I believe Linda is in paradise and when it's my time I will join her. I will keep you in my prayers along with everyone else. Please take care of yourself and take your time with healing.
Peace, Tim
I pray one day we all find peace and happiness that our families and ourselves deserve. Robert
You start to feel "normal" again and then "zap" something triggers your inner most thoughts and you're down again. Don't let the spiral of "downess" scare you. Every thing you're going to feel is completely normal and will eventually subside. Slowly, every so slowly.
Some of us get through the muck and the mire quicker than others and if you're anything like me you'll hang on to some of it longer than you'd like but it's who I am. I can drive ME crazy at times!!!!!
Take care of you,
Roz