Margie- I wish I had an answer for your loneliness. That for me has been the worst part. I moved from my parents house at age 18 to being married for 34 1/2 years. My husband Mark passed away on November 23rd, 2012. I was alone at night for quite a while during his hospitalizations, but always knew I could go see him at any time. It has been very hard for me to get used to being alone at night and even worse on the weekends when I don't even have work to go to. But over 9 weeks I do find it a little bit easier each day. I still miss him so much, and probably always will. We did everything together for all these years, then I was his caregiver, now I don't know what to do with myself. We had no children so I don't even have that, and no family within 450 miles. Be thankful that you have your son, it sounds like he has been a Godsend for you. I usually don't post, but I read what everyone writes and it is very helpful. I have also joined a local Widow's group, and am hoping that also helps. It might be something you can consider doing.
You CAN do this! Good luck to you.
Andrea

My mother spent the first two weeks with me. I will never forget the first night I spent alone. Unfortunately, there was a wind warning that night and I had to spend the night listening to the wind howl outside and hope my trees wouldn't blow over. However, I survived and have done okay since that night.

I hope you do okay. I don't have an answer for the lonely feeling. You're still early on in your grief. I'm at two years. Now, I can say that I'm alone, but am not lonely.

Nessie from KY

Dear Margie,
You are in my thoughts as you experience one of the many "firsts" on the journey called widowhood. You will do this, and you will be just a little stronger and more confident for having done so. We have all been there and survived. By the way, I hope you are taking some credit for the wonderful job you and your husband obviously did in raising a very caring son.
Wishing you a peaceful first night.

I either lived with my parents or my husband all my life. Never knew what it was like to live alone. Then I lost my husband at age 53 and ended up living in an apartment by myself. Even my dog had passed away. I'd never felt so alone, so scared. But I did it. Now, three years later I'm used to it and find it somewhat peaceful. I'd trade it in in a snap if I could have my old life back, but this is it.

I'm reminded when my mom told my grandmother(paternal) that everyone will be alone at some point in their lives. So, true. Most women are widowed and the kids have their own lives. It's sort of a right of passage.

Take care. You can do it.

Margie It's been almost 3mos for me since my husband passed & like you I have my 20 yr old daughter living at home still & like your son she didn't leave me alone at night for about 3 weeks, I remember that first night I spent alone, I wish I could tell you it was easy but it was not, I turned almost every light in the house on because I didn't want to walk into any room that was dark, I cried as soon as she walked out the door & continued crying off & on all evening, I tried to watch TV but at that time my lack of concentration on any one thing was at it's all time high & so was my insomnia so all I did was sit & channel surf until about 3 in the morning when I finally feel asleep on the couch, but when I woke up in the morning I realized I survived the night however difficult it was. Things have gotten easier over time, Im still not thrilled about being alone all night but I've learned to deal with it, if I know she's going to be gone all evening or over night I either call a friend to have dinner with so at least some of my evening is occupied or if that's not possible I will rent a movie to watch (my concentration is much better now) or I save some of my DVR'D programs for nights I'm alone. Like you I realize someday my daughter is going to move out & I will have to do this alone forever so I might as well get use to it, I often feel sorry for myself & I've come to accept that as part of life for now. I Wish I had a better answer to help you through this but all I can say is you will find some way to get through it because that's what we have to do & each time it will get a little easier to deal with. I wish you a peaceful evening & i'm sending hugs your way to help you through it...................................Kim

Because my kids are still living with me, I have not yet experienced being alone. My kids are adults so it will happen sooner or later, but I have not experienced it yet and March will be 2 yrs. I wonder, how will I handle that when it happens. I was 17 when I got married and have never been alone since.

I guess if we can get thru losing our loved ones, we can get thru this part too, we just have to trust we can do this too.

Lonelin

Sorry, computer glitch...or operator glitch....
Loneliness was a hard one for me also. I was also never living on my own except when Don was on a fishing trip and I knew it was temporary.

I spent my time reading books, writing in my journal that helped me express my feelings, posting for hours on DS, and crying about what would happen to me. It is sad, hard, and painful. It led me to discover who I am though, and what I wanted to be (without the Don's wife, profession, and mother label). It led me to develop self confidence, independence, and knowledge. Did I want these things? No, not then. But I am glad to have them now. Sharon