Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Almost 2 months

tkmeaway
tkmeaway
Since my sweet Charlie passed away from lung cancer. I'm functioning on a fairly high level as I see it...doing things with friends and family and only having a meltdown once in awhile. He was diagnosed late in Feb. and made it to July 18th of this year. It was such a roller coaster ride and one I never want to ride on again. I made it through our anniversary with a BBQ at my brothers house. I did have my diamond reset into a beautiful setting and then had a garnet put in my engagement ring (both our birthdays were in January three days apart.) My daughters said he would have approved. The other items I purchased for our anniversary were some beads for a Pandora bracelet that we started when he was first diagnosed. Every bead represents something he accomplished during treatment. Now I purchased hem with him in mind as they all represent something that we did together. These items have been a life saver at times but don't get me wrong they don't replace him. I would give all of it back to just have him return.

The reason I'm writing this is that the longer he is gone the lonelier and lonelier I get. This empty house is killing me. I take something for anxiety and it works but it makes me so drowsy. I guess I shouldn't complain about sleeping some of this loneliness away. Everyone has gone back to their own life and I certainly don't blame them but it's so unfair to see everyone around me with their spouses that I just want to scream.

Ok...I'm done ranting. I'm not sure it made me feel better but it did give me something to fill my time. I sure hope I haven't wasted anyone else's.

Thanks for reading,

Marilyn
ajm1959
ajm1959
Marilyn, I'm in the same boat as you. My husband and I built our house, garages, and laid every inch of concrete and brick on our property. Together. Everything I touch was us. As I already told you my husband died Aug 21 this year after a two year battle with cancer. He fought the hardest fight he could. It is lonely. I'm trying to take any invite I get and go with it. Did your husband have hospice? Mine did three days before he died. Hospice offers grief counseling for 1 year for the spouse. I had my first counsel today. I am going to join a group locally. Last weekend was my first real weekend of being alone. Started out strong - did some painting went to Costco- looked for a dress to wear at my daughters wedding, but then wow silence. I did understand completely what you are going through. Hugs Arlene
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I think the loneliness is one of the hardest reminders of our loss. Coming home to an empty house, waking up alone, no one to talk to were all very hard for me. Even his chair haunted me because he wasn't sitting in it.
I'm sorry for your loss and I understand your feelings. Sharon
tkmeaway
tkmeaway
Arlene,
Yes Charlie had hospice for nine days and after he passed I heard nothing from them. I had to make two phone calls in five days just to get the bed and other equipment out of here. The head guy has called and apologized and is doing a full investigation as to who "dropped the ball." I never want to deal with that again.

I am so sorry for your loss and understand what you have gone through. If you ever need to talk just give me a holler. I can privately send you my number.

Sharon....I understand....it's my husband's car. I pull in the driveway and right away think Charlie's home and then I remember.

Thank you both for responding....it has helped a lot.

Marilyn
staygolden3
staygolden3
I'm so sorry Marilyn for your loss. You kind of sound like me in the first month. Doing a lot, going places being with people. But then that eventually slows down. Sooner or later I had to come to grips with being alone with myself in our house. It has to happen sooner or later. And when it does it stinks. It's a bit scary and very lonely. But I think it's something we all need to go through to eventually move forward. I'm only actually at 3 months today but if I've learned anything here it's that it just takes time. Slow and steady. You have to go through all the stages of grief over time until you accept this new reality. No you didn't choose this new life but it's what we were given. Cherish and remember your memories but don't dwell on the past. You can't change it and you did your very best to make Charlie happy and comfortable. He will always be with you. Some days are bad and some days are good. Let yourself cry or however you choose to vent and just let it out. And please come to this site when ever you need an ear. People here have been through it all and are more than willing to listen.
Love to you
Darcie
staygolden3
staygolden3
Also Sharon...the "chair" got to me for awhile because he wasn't there but now I sit in it all the time. I feel like his arms are around me when I'm in it! It's now my favorite place!
:)
Darcie
scottito
scottito
Hi Marilyn, welcome to our little gang of broken hearts. Me, I actually thought 2 weeks of grieving and I'd be good. Boy, was I wrong. Well, 1st week I was doing great. 2nd week began a downward spiral that nearly did me in. At about 2 1/2 months I was In total despair and desperation, and I reached out and found this wonderful support group, and ever so slowly I'm climbing my way back to the living. What I like is to hear from people that have traveled this path before me and longer than me. Takes the "what's wrong with me" out of the equation. God bless you ~ Scott
loveddogs
loveddogs
Marilyn and Arlene, My husband passed just over four months ago and I too can relate to what you are going through. Each and everyone of us here on this site has been through the unimaginable. We all do get it! The love, compassion and support shown by others has been a lifeline for me. Just knowing there are those to guide me through that understand me completely. I came here often in the beginning, some times several times a day, and I am still here almost daily. My family are grieving in their own way and I do have my best friend who lost her husband 4 years ago and she is a rock to me. The loneliness is still so hard to adjust too. Hugs and love, Michele
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • cedarbrooke

    As I Get Older....

    Posted by: cedarbrooke
    Last Reply: JazzyLady
    4
  • billwfriend

    I cannot get a cut and paste to post

    Posted by: billwfriend
    Last Reply: cedarbrooke
    5
    Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...