Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi I wrote at the beginning of the month of losing my husband in a traumatic sudden event. I have severe PTSD which I am seeking help for. Grief for the lose of my husband is profound. I think about him many times throughout the day. I feel guilty that I wasn't qualified to give him the proper help he needed. I know it will take time to over come the guilt.
What I am experiencing is all the secondary loses that are so painful: no more romantic dinners, enjoying the simple things; going for a walk, sitting on the deck and talking for hours "Dream Chatter", riding our bikes. Calling his name when I walk through the door. Doing all the household chores myself. Including the outdoor chores. Going to the movies on the spur of the moment. Ability to complain about anything and anyone with no judgmental response. The one person who I could be my authentic self. He knew all my secrets. How do you get over years of history together, watching our children grow, experiencing being a grandparent ? The loneliness is drowning me. I have friends and I work so I'm not sulking in bed all day. I don't feel like I have a future right now. Joy is hard pressed to obtain. The physical contact of him I miss a lot. The feel of his hands and arms hugging me. His laugh and easy going way about life. I wake up and at first think it was a nightmare and then reality sets in. We loved each other and loved being with each other. We were friends and liked adventures. Vacations with my husband were out of this world. He would get so excited and count down the days on the calendar. I'd ge a call from him asking me what happens in a week. Vacation Yeah... John died 2 weeks before we were going to cape code to stay in a cabin with no electronics, TV, etc.., just time to relax, cook, play, have fun, and walk on the beach. My life is pills, therapy and group therapy and more therapy. Is i making a difference... some but going home to an empty house and not having the one person I trust watching my back and supporting me, sucks.
Tom passed away This past February.
This man was the only person I felt completely comfortable with.
The man who, a couple times a week, would wake me up at 3am with "C'mon, Duchess, coffee break time !"We'd go downstairs, brew coffee and talk and laugh. I still wake up at 3am every night.
Oh yes, the dreaded empty house....I read a poem that said something to the effect...."I go out and when I return, I'm stripped at the door of everything but my emptiness, which seems redundant because emptiness already resides there.
When this man gave me a hug, I KNEW I WAS HUGGED! How I miss his touch.
Misslily, I don't imagine I cheered you up any by my rants,but at least I hope you know you are not alone.
Sending Love and hugs.
Hugs to you
Chuck