Ann, I know how hard it is at 4 weeks. I was totally numb at 4 weeks, nothing interested me. I did nothing but cry all day. Although, I'm only at 3 1/2 months, I can assure you that you do make baby steps towards healing. It is a painfully slow process. I have been seeing a grief counselor for 2 1/2 months and he has helped me through the roller coaster of emotions that is so debilitating. I'm still struggling, but I feel I'm making a tiny bit of progress each week. One strategy, he said would work for me because I'm a very verbal person and have a need to verbalize my feelings was to find a friend or two to talk to -- I'm lucky that I have a sister and a sister in law who will listen with compassion and empathy. At the very beginning I needed to talk more than I do now -- it is a great release. This site is great to get feedback and solidarity from people who understand what you are going through, but there is no substitute for personal contact. E-mail me if you need someone to talk to.

May God give you the strength to heal your broken heart. HUG! Connie

Ann: I am so very sorry that life has turned upside down and sideways all at the same time for you. I cannot imagine how awful it was to be in a hotel room thinking things would be okay and then get the call from the hospital. Having difficulties with his sons does not make things easier. You have so much to deal with.
At four weeks all I did was cry as well. Actually big gut wrenching sobs would describe it. I found it difficult to breath. I hurt everywhere inside and out. Crying is the best thing you can do for now. And, please talk out your pain, anger, shock and disappointment with people you trust. Also, the people on this site are very supportive. We really do understand the grief that comes with the loss of your loved one.
Eventually you will stop hurting as badly as you are hurting now. But for now, this will be probably the worst pain you have ever felt. Please keep close to your daughters. Lean on others for now. By allowing others to help you, you are also helping them.
I am so sorry for this tragic accident that took your husband. Please keep in touch.

Ann: I am so very sorry that life has turned upside down and sideways all at the same time for you. I cannot imagine how awful it was to be in a hotel room thinking things would be okay and then get the call from the hospital. Having difficulties with his sons does not make things easier. You have so much to deal with.
At four weeks all I did was cry as well. Actually big gut wrenching sobs would describe it. I found it difficult to breath. I hurt everywhere inside and out. Crying is the best thing you can do for now. And, please talk out your pain, anger, shock and disappointment with people you trust. Also, the people on this site are very supportive. We really do understand the grief that comes with the loss of your loved one.
Eventually you will stop hurting as badly as you are hurting now. But for now, this will be probably the worst pain you have ever felt. Please keep close to your daughters. Lean on others for now. By allowing others to help you, you are also helping them.
I am so sorry for this tragic accident that took your husband. Please keep in touch.

Ann: I am so very sorry that life has turned upside down and sideways all at the same time for you. I cannot imagine how awful it was to be in a hotel room thinking things would be okay and then get the call from the hospital. Having difficulties with his sons does not make things easier. You have so much to deal with.
At four weeks all I did was cry as well. Actually big gut wrenching sobs would describe it. I found it difficult to breath. I hurt everywhere inside and out. Crying is the best thing you can do for now. And, please talk out your pain, anger, shock and disappointment with people you trust. Also, the people on this site are very supportive. We really do understand the grief that comes with the loss of your loved one.
Eventually you will stop hurting as badly as you are hurting now. But for now, this will be probably the worst pain you have ever felt. Please keep close to your daughters. Lean on others for now. By allowing others to help you, you are also helping them.
I am so sorry for this tragic accident that took your husband. Please keep in touch.

Ann: I am so very sorry that life has turned upside down and sideways all at the same time for you. I cannot imagine how awful it was to be in a hotel room thinking things would be okay and then get the call from the hospital. Having difficulties with his sons does not make things easier. You have so much to deal with.
At four weeks all I did was cry as well. Actually big gut wrenching sobs would describe it. I found it difficult to breath. I hurt everywhere inside and out. Crying is the best thing you can do for now. And, please talk out your pain, anger, shock and disappointment with people you trust. Also, the people on this site are very supportive. We really do understand the grief that comes with the loss of your loved one.
Eventually you will stop hurting as badly as you are hurting now. But for now, this will be probably the worst pain you have ever felt. Please keep close to your daughters. Lean on others for now. By allowing others to help you, you are also helping them.
I am so sorry for this tragic accident that took your husband. Please keep in touch.

Ann: I am so very sorry that life has turned upside down and sideways all at the same time for you. I cannot imagine how awful it was to be in a hotel room thinking things would be okay and then get the call from the hospital. Having difficulties with his sons does not make things easier. You have so much to deal with.
At four weeks all I did was cry as well. Actually big gut wrenching sobs would describe it. I found it difficult to breath. I hurt everywhere inside and out. Crying is the best thing you can do for now. And, please talk out your pain, anger, shock and disappointment with people you trust. Also, the people on this site are very supportive. We really do understand the grief that comes with the loss of your loved one.
Eventually you will stop hurting as badly as you are hurting now. But for now, this will be probably the worst pain you have ever felt. Please keep close to your daughters. Lean on others for now. By allowing others to help you, you are also helping them.
I am so sorry for this tragic accident that took your husband. Please keep in touch.

I am sorry you have to go through this loss. My partner died in July this year and I feel I am only now realising it. I think for the first month or so I was in total disarray and a complete foggy blur. I am still there but now I am realising the finality of it all. It is so long since we have spoke to our partners.

Please don't be angry at your husband. It sounds like he had a hard time. My partner went into a myasthenic crisis where his diaphram collapses and he too required a trachy. He had it in his neck for two months. It is disgusting for them. They cant talk, swallow, drink liquids. I felt so sorry for him and wish I could have prevented it. I still wish I took him to hospital earlier. If I had there would have been a good chance he could have avoided all that.

I dont know what to say because I too feel I am only merely existing. I know I have slipped into a depression and I still cannot believe this has all happened. I barely function. Some nights I wake up from my sleep and i burst into a crying mess. I am nearly physically sick and sore after it. The only thing getting me through is DS. Maybe consider a grief counsellor. I think I will have to do this.

Loves Joe..I know I need a counselor but I cannot afford one, and since I am disabled from lyme disease I cannot drive or take mass transit to get to one. I want to talk to someone so badly. Your right I am completely numb. When I dont cry for a day I feel guilty but then I realize I am just pretending that he is away working upstate and will be back soon.

Russ....The trach and the respirator...I see every time I think of him. I pray that he doesnt remember it whereever he is now and he is experiencing only peace and health. I wake at night and see that thing in his neck, bleeding and painful I am sure. I left at 6pm instead of 8pm that night and went to a diner for the first time so my daughter had something to eat. I felt like they were right in that he was going to be sitting in a chair the next day and I was planning a transfer for him back to queens to a rehab facility. I felt good and ate for the first time in weeks and then he died. Why did I go to eat and not stay for two more hours with him? That is all I think of...is he mad at me for leaving him two hours sooner that night? I pray that God takes me every single night.

Oh Ann, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish there was a magic answer to help you get through the days ahead, but the only one I know is take it day by day. It's hard and painful I know that and there are times you feel overwhelmed, it's not different than other's here have or are going through. Be kind to yourself and patient. Grieving is hard work. This website helped me by filling the days with others who truly understood what I was going through. Sharon

Annie, I am so sorry for your sudden and recent loss. Exist is about all that is expected of you at this early stage. I am so glad you found your way to this site where you will be among others who know what you are going through. Some very new to the experience like you, and some who have gone a little further. We are here for each other. It is difficult enough to face the loss of a partner and to also face an illness yourself and other difficulties is an added stress. I understand some of what you feel because I lost my husband very suddenly early into our marriage which had came late in life for us both also. Its almost like you feel that you really didn't get to experience all that you should have. The anger you feel is a normal emotion. I believe that if he could have stayed with you, he would have. Now I am sure that you have good memories of the time you shared. In time you will be able to think back on those memories and it will help to sustain you. Be kind to yourself and take baby steps. This is a journey none of us wanted and it is not an easy one, but yet we find outselves here. I am sorry you are homebound. Does your church provide any counseling? I was thinking perhaps they could assist you somewhat with helping you deal with your feelings.

I would like to share a message from Griefshare. I get their messages daily and one of them just happened to deal with not sheding tears and when I read that you don't cry, I thought this may help you. I hope so. Hugs and prayers for you. Anne

"Express your tears and your pain. In order to move on, you cannot push down and pocket your emotions; they must be fully communicated for you to heal.

"Everyone cries," says Dr. H. Norman Wright. "Everyone sheds tears. Some people do it on the outside, but some are only capable of doing it on the inside. From a health perspective, the shedding of tears is very beneficial to physical well-being.

"The people who are unable or haven't developed the capacity to cry are carrying a heavier load of emotion that can actually contribute to some physical difficulties. I don't think you should ever apologize for your tears because you never apologize for something that is a gift from God."

Pull out your emotions. Face the pain head-on. Mourn loudly. Weep bitterly. Be set free.

When Peter realized he had disowned Jesus three times, he "went outside and wept bitterly" (Luke 22:62). When Stephen, the first Christian martyr, died, devout men "made loud lamentation over him" (Acts 8:2 NASB).

Holy God, I'm so adept at pushing down my emotions that I don't know how to pull them up, but I know that I must. Give me the opportunity and the courage to let my emotions pour out freely. Amen.

."

can you tell me how i can get quotes from griefshare too. Is it another site?

Thank you for your words and your right, we finally married after 11 years and both of us had bad divorces before so it took us some time to gain the strength. Things were so good and we were planning our first trip (I have never been out of NY...ever). We were going to drive to Virginia and spend a few days..honeymoon we never had and anniversary gift to ourselves. I want to experience that trip with him so badly.

I think we all have regrets. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. Deep down, he probably was glad you went to dinner. It is us that feel bad but if we put ourselves in their shoes you would want for him to have some enjoyment at least. He would have had pleasure knowing you were doing something. I know it sounds all philosophical but it may be true.

Dont worry, my regrets are huge and the guilt is killing me. The night he had an event where he choked on vomit etc he asked me not to leave but to stay with him. It was about 7pm in the evening and I had been at the hospital nearly all day. There was still one hour to closing but I left and went home and watched tv and relaxed. That was the last time we spoke. I could have stayed with him especially after he asked me to. I feel terrible. When he actually passed away five days later I stayed with him but slipped out for ten minutes. In that ten minutes he died. I will never know if he woke, etc. I was the only one with him, so he died alone. I feel bad about a dozen or so things. Not taking him to hospital sooner. I am in my late 30s and feel I will carry this with me. How did I let him down so much

The fact that you found us here and are reaching out makes me know that you are stronger then you think! ( you will get tired of hearing that ) Only 4 weeks means you are still in shock, and in `the widows fog`. Please take care of yourself - eat, sleep, and go to your MD. You might need chemical assistance for awhile, Nothing wrong with that. Try to ignore the negative kids, they should be supporting you, and if they are not, stay away! Don`t make any big desicions right now, and not for awhile. There is a reason people give this advice, it is true - I found out the hard way. Lean on your daughters and just breathe. Message me any time and God bless you and keep you G-

i am so sorry for the loss of your husband..our stories though different in detail are also so similar..a nightmare as ive been told by counsellors..your husband never left you without a fight just as the icu nurse told me how my wife fought..the existing and numbness is all too real especially early in our grieving ,i hope and pray your health improves..again i am so sorry for your loss

Welcome to DS Annie, and welcome to the circle of love you will find here! Please accept my condolence for your terrible loss. All I can say, is that you need to take your time, breathe, and as creepy as this might sound"
Embrace your grief! Accept it, shed tears and just don't do anything for many months! People always said to me "do things in your own time" but after less that 2 years I wish they had said "DONT do anything for at least 2 years! Force yourself to slow down and take each day as it comes! I learn so much from this site, I hope you will keep coming back! Hugs!