I can really relate to what you're feeling, even though the time that I was granted with my love wasn't anything close to yours. But with him gone, I feel like I'm a burden to those I know. I'm trapped in this grief and I have nothing to talk about. I don't know that I really WANT to talk to anyone. It's hard to go about normal everyday life when a piece of you is missing. But we'll get this. I've seen many people posting hope on here. I feel it. It's just going to take much longer than I ever imagined to break through. Take care of yourself Joe. She would want you to. That's how I imagine my husband is feeling right now too. I'm not doing a great job of caring for myself, just my children. But we'll do better. One day at a time.

Joe,

It's been nearly four months for me too. I hate it. I'd give anything to change it. I know what you mean about small talk. I can't have normal conversations either- it seems pointless.

Know that you are not alone in how you feel. I'm a firm believer that somewhere down the road- maybe not in this lifetime- but somewhere down the road it will all make perfect sense. I just have to be patient.

Hang in there! You are in my thoughts.

Your emotions are "frozen" at this time and it's very hard to focus on anything or anyone except your own sadness. If you can learn to ask a few questions when friends do call, this will help the conversation. If you know their hobbies, work situation, family or anything - you can "pretend" to be interested in those things. "catch any fish lately?" "How's our old buddy Jim doing?" Heard your mom was in the hospital, is she OK Now?" It's good to have someone calling, so this is one way to maintain the relationship. If the caller says he and his wife went on a fun trip, say you are glad for them, and perhaps recall a similar time with your wife. Don't be sad because they had a fun time. We have to accept that other's lives haven't totally changed and wish them all the good times they can have. The early months after losing your spouse are extremely hard. Wishing you peace - Doye

Hey Joe,
I know you can't tell right now. I remember when you first posted. Not long after I did. Over these last few months I have noticed you are gaining strength. You still have the same level of passion for her as before but you seem to slowly be moving forward in small steps. And that's all we can hope for right now. At eight months I still am fighting those dark days but able to fight a little stronger.

Several reasons for this. One God. He has gotten me thru this all along and will continue, I have to believe this. The other knowing what Linda would wish for me to do. To keep going no matter how hard it is and to try and find some happiness along the way until my race is finished and I will return home. The other is being guided to this site. The folks here are better than any therapist I could have found. I work in the mental health field. I'm just not the type to sit in a room pouring out my feelings to a stranger who may or may not get what I'm saying. I am not putting down therapist it just isn't the route for me. My faith has always gotten me thru any trauma I have been thru.

All this to say you will make it my friend. It will be an extremely rough road to hold but you and all of us will make it thru. We have to believe and keep the faith. Just remember to take care of you. What ever you need for you to get thru is all that matters right now.

My prayers are with you.
Peace, Tim

Hey Joe, don't feel alone...after 32 years, I'm learning to cook too...
if that's what you want to call it...
...the DA might call it "felonious assault"!

Joe, in the same boat...after 35 years, I'm learning that laundry it is not just the wash, or the bed changing.., and so on...

I lost my wife 10 weeks ago..

Thanks for the posting

So many people have given great advice. I guess I would add that when Al passed, I also became somewhat anti-social. I cried and thought no one wanted to be with me; I wasn't a "couple" any longer. And I wanted to talk about Al but my friends didn't want to. Someone said that was probably because it made them think about their life an death.

Take it slow, come on here often to talk to all of us who truly understand your loss. Al has been gone 16 months. I start every day in prayer. Yesterday I gave my grief journey testimony at a grief support luncheon and surprisingly didn't cry.

Let yourself cry if you can. God is bottling your tears and will eventually turn them into happiness again.

Linda