I appreciate your honesty -- my best advice is that you might consider deep tissue therapeutic massage if you haven't done so already. It really helps with grief and stress and emotional pain relief. I go at least once a month, sometimes twice. My wonderful daughter actually suggested it the week my husband passed away and I listened to her and she was right. If you have the Hand & Stone franchises anywhere near you, I recommend them. They are reasonable ($50 per massage if you join the monthly program).

(It's even considered medically necessary and you can take it from your Flexible Spending account if you have one -- so even the IRS agrees it's medically appropriate!)

I don't think you are crazy at all. I think that many of us miss every single part of the relationships we had... and the physical part is certainly a major factor whether you had experienced a very active one or not...
My husband and I were very much in love, and we had a very physical relationship. I miss it more than I could ever possibly put into words. People cope differently with that loss, and that need. Some likely feel like you do. I, personally, cannot even think of another man looking at me or even speaking to me. Three months after Shane passed, a man asked me out... he knew both of us when Shane was alive!! I was so disgusted I threatened to slit his throat and watch the dust come out. It was just my visceral reaction.... others might swing the other direction.
Shane was a wonderful man... nobody could ever compare to him on any level in my eyes. He was possessive... I was HIS. Period. In my heart, I know that he would never want me with another, and I don't want to be. I want to be reunited with my love... and if I allowed myself to be with another, I feel that Shane would not want me.
That was our relationship, though. I do not think there is a wrong way to feel when faced with what we here are going through. Everyone has different needs... and the need for physical intimacy is innate... it is natural. It is what keeps us as humans going. Sadly, I will be waiting until I am reunited with Shane... it is a lonely and miserable wait, but one I must endure.

I understand how you feel...my husband and I hadn't been together in that way for a couple of years before he died..the last time was just before he broke his pelvis...then he found out he had Hep C, and didn't want to risk giving it to me. But since he passed, I had those feelings, although fleeting, a couple of times...it's not that I want another man, because really, I don't...but I think it has something to do with wanting to cling to something familiar in our grief stricken state of being...that's just the way I look at it, anyway...but no, you're not crazy...and I'm so sorry for your loss..

Nich . . I think you are within the realm of 'normal', whatever that means. We have so many differing expectations from self, walking a journey we've never experienced before . . and then we have what we could consider strange urges that come and throw us for a loop. WTF, we wonder! I wouldn't focus on anything you may feel as being bad or wrong right now. As long as you don't turn into a serial rapist, I think you'll get through this unscathed. I remember when I lost a best girlfriend many years ago, her husband went through similar yearnings. I found it strange at the time, but now that I'm walking the journey, I do understand that pretty much anything weird can and does happen to we grieving w/w's. Again, don't stress too much. I like Lisa's idea of a theraputic massage . . and don't be surprised if you end up crying like a baby throughout the entire session. Been there, done that too. In any event, no judgment . . . Hugs, D

I think you will get more help by talking to the men here.
On top of everything else, you are young and have normal needs.
IMO, what you feel just plain Normal. after your wife' lengthy illness, now you are single. not feeling "physically" held in check by The Marriage Vows. even if your emotions are still totally grieving.
I know a man who was in his 50's when his wife passed from a long cancer battle. (his personal christian convictions forbade him to go have "a fling") He married the first woman who chased him. It was less than a month! It caused terrible problems. their adult kids were devastated. one didn't speak to him for many, many years.

Its only my own morals that stop me, my wife wanted me to move on remarry and have happiness i know she told me.Nnot really what this is about but its still nice to know she would support however i choose to grieve.
In the past I've held sex to be special, I'm not a fling kinda guy, well i never was before. I have always been faithfull. I would hate to hurt someone just for my own comfort and i know thats what would happen im to unavailable. As for massages i may try that but a healing touch may make things worse for me. worried what will happen when the next woman hits on me. Ive managed to turn down a few already but that was in the first week.( can you believe some ppl) thank you for support huggs to all.
N

I kind of figured that women would be hitting on you!
Good men are hard to find. and that is exactly what happened to our family friend.
You will do OK, because you are aware of the pitfalls around you.
If you make a mistake, forgive yourself.
Don't create a permanent problem out of these temporary battles.

Yes, just to be with someone to hold on to for awhile. Guess I'm an ugly old man. No women are hitting on me.I have learned a couple new rules. Don't talk to married women! Don't talk to strangers on line. Post your comments and leave it at that! Women don't trust strange men sending personal messages.

Nick you are dealing with many losses right now and intimacy is certainly no small loss. It is part of the grieving process and you need to realize that as you deal with all of the emotions surrounding your loss you will address each one as needed. It maybe how to have coffee in the morning alone, to have no one waiting for you at the end of the day or someone to be intimate with. I suspect you will find answers to each of those questions and losses that are right for you. you can not rush those solutions and must take the time to grieve and when the time is right you will know it. You are not alone in missing someone to hug and kiss you and to be intimate with. the blessing is that we have had that person already in our lives.

Hi, Nick. Same issues here. My hubby died 8 months ago. During the 18 months that he was sick I couldn't even kiss him for fear of germs. He had leukemia and a stem cell transplant. I went away on a girls weekend to Atlantic City and ended up making out with the same guy all night. Good thing I had a group of friends with me or I probably would have had a one night stand, which is the last thing I need right now emotionally. Missing the affection. Feeling like I want to date, but I have no room for a relationship in my life. Trying to raise my 3 daughters alone. So lost and confused.

Hi Nick:

First of all I am so sorry for your loss. You are still in the very early stages of grief. I think we have all gone through that period of craving physical attention and affection. It is totally normal. I did not experience it the first year, but the second, oh boy, totally different story!

I fell back on what I was taught as a teenager. My mother always told me that I was my own most precious commodity and to be careful how I distributed myself. Lol. It actually held me in pretty good stead and I ended up not making any serious mistakes. I also went for deep tissue massage, which helped immensely.

When I finally did enter into a relationship, I was emotionally ready and for me it was worth the wait. So my friend, you are not crazy at all.

Hugs,
Val

You are not alone in how you feel. Its a natural reaction for both men and woman. I sure do miss it. Im not ready to be with someone and may never be but a month ago I went to my high school reunion and I was sitting with a group, One of the guys I went to school with put his hand on mine and held it for a few seconds. I found myself not pulling away and that surprised me. I later danced with him and explained that I had lost my husband. He was very understanding and we spent the rest of the night talking. It was nice just to have someone to sit with and not feel alone. You will find what you need when you need it. Our loved ones have a way of pointing us in the right direction

Hi Nick, so sorry for your loss.
I am at 2 years and I remember at the 3 - 6 month mark I felt the same way you are feeling. And just like you it was my morals that kept me in check.
Take care of yourself and remember everything you feel is normal. There is no instruction manual and we wouldn't read it anyway. LOL
Hugs, Sandi

Thanks for your thoughts and support. I had a feeling this was common. good luck to everyone

Okay, Nick; You and my husband are the same age...or he would be 34. However you look at it. He has been gone five years next week and it has been difficult. I have five kids and obviously we were aware of what caused pregnancy. It was part of life for us. We lived, we loved, and we reproduced. It is not part of my life any more. S relationship has to be a personal choice and so far one that does not fit my life. I am just at that point where my kids and career come first. I could go hit the bars in town and end up in the back of some guy's truck but that is not me. I don't want all the regrets that come with it. I was raised better than that and now I have an example to set. Again this is personal and depends on your convictions. It is a hard topic to deal with but you cut right to the chase rather than saying how you miss hugging or holding hands. I respect you fir that.

Maggie