You are not a monster, the monster is named grief. It's hard losing someone you love and it is hard watching others in their happiness while we ask why did this happen to me. Can I ask you a question? How long were you together? Are you living alone now, or do you have someone to help you?

Time together doesn't make it easier or harder. We can connect for a lifetime in a moment. I just wanted to know a little about you, if you don't mind. You can send me a private message in the upper right side of the profile page. Hugs to you, sharon

Together as a couple 2 months. But he's my dad's best friend's kid. Therefore, I've known him since diapers. So he was my besttt friend my entire life. Everyone knew we would end up together, it was just a matter of when. So I guess the ultimate killer is that we were finally together after yearssss of being best friends. It's tearing me apart.

I know exactly how you feel...I am the same was...very quiet, almost shut off from the world except from my kids ...your not a monster..your hurt! I don't even know what to tell you(casue I am in the same boat) except....I understand! your not awfull < your life has changed .

Be kind to yourself little person. When you are ready to open up, we are here for you. We who walk the same road have a hand for you to hold and we understand. Obviously you are not a monster! At the moment, alone time would seem to be what you need, but we uphold you in silence then. It IS very hard, isn't it? xxxxxxxxxxx

Steph, I went through the anger and wanting to get as far away as possible, too, even though my situation was very different from yours. I have seen that reaction a hundred times here. The anger and wanting to get away from the pain is normal. You are not a monster.

I was angry at everybody and everything. How dare the universe go on being happy whole I wasn't? How unfair the old couples in their 80's in the supermarket having a whole life together? How unfair the young couples with little kids with their whole lives ahead of them together? How unfair it was my husband/me/our family instead of X - - - you get the picture. Trying to cope with the shock and the the complete change in my life - of course I was going to get angry at some point and just want to walk away from it all. Who wouldn't?? But you shouldn't. Why? Because you would carry all the pain and anger with you wherever you go.

You love your job, hang onto it. If your job comes with health benefits and one of those benefits is mental health benefits, please try to get some counseling. You need a healthy and safe way to express all your anger and frustration, your fears, your sorrow. Counseling can be one of those places. I actually got my counseling through an Employee Assistance Program at work, and I got it for free. It was a huge help for me.

If you don't want to try that, or can't, you might see if you can get a copy of the book "Seven Choices-Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. Your library may have it so you can read it for free, or you can get it from Amazon for about $10 (10 in the UK). It was the best book I found to help me through my loss - like a gentle guide and companion.

If you want something more immediate to release the anger, go to a thrift store or garage sale and buy up some old cheap dishes - you can get a lot for $5. Take them home and in your back yard or safe place, smash them. Just have at it! And with each SMASH let out what you are feeling - say it out loud! It just might lift the weight off you and it won't hurt anybody.

Another way is to take a pillow and whack it into another pillow - same thing - let it out, and it won't hurt anybody. Your pillows even get fluffed! :)

I hope this helps. You will get through this, honest. Sometimes it takes a few extra things to help you through it, and I hope these suggestions help you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. Losing the love of your life is never ever easy...Your world has been turned upside down!!!! We always want to do whatever we did when our world turned upside down as a child because it is a reaction to the unbearable pain that you are now having to endure. Of course you want to run away. The problem is no matter where you run or where you go...there you are. It will not change the way that you feel. The way that you feel is grief. It is a monster! Early on when I first came out of the numb auto pilot stage it was so so unbearable that all I could do when the pain hit was to remember to breathe! And I was so mad at the world. Here everyone else was running around as though life was still going on and nothing happened...but MY world (I felt like then) had ended!

Early on all you can do is survive...it is so all about survival for you right now. The other people that you see are dealing with really really petty things compared with what you are dealing with. Of course you don't want to deal with their pettiness because you are dealing with REALITY....the reality of losing the love of your life and trying to figure out how to survive.

I wish I could help...but all I can do is say that though we are different ages and we all are different...some things are the same. We both lost the love of our life, and we both know how unbearable it is early on.

Come here often and talk through it. People here are amazing! I don't know what I would have done had it not been for all of the wonderful people here on DS. Please be especially kind to yourself. You are not crazy...you are normal..it is your world that is crazy right now...Hang in there....

big (((((hugs))))) to you as you place one foot in front of the other...
-Diana

I move forward because my wife who died 1/26 wants me to move forward. It's so hard, but she loved life so much I know that I can't waste mine staying in my shell. Reach out to others because that's what he wants for you.

The Grief Monster is now your companion -
It happens when a beloved dies -
Hopes & dreams w/your beloved are shattered -
Only grief is left; raw nerves, anger, feeling displaced, etc -
Don't beat up on yourself b/c you are grieving -
At this time you may not be able to do more than grieve -
When you feel like you can try, learn about grief & how to works; learn how to care for yourself while grieving -
Again, do not beat up on yourself if you experience widow brain -
The inability to comprehend or absorb information, forgetfulness, confusion, attention difficulties -
It also takes time to be able to do normal routine things like reading, watching video clips, etc -

It appears your cathexis with one another began long ago; maybe even before you were aware of it -
Being you were together 2 months, I'm surprised no one has reminded you of this as a non-verbal question about your unsurmountable grief -
Many ppl believe a couple only becomes cathected at the moment of marriage -
Not so -
The bond happens prior to recognition of the other; it is pre-existing -
When the time comes, our soulmate is becomes a magnet -
From that moment on, our heart knows what must be done -
Incredibly, some ppl have an uncanny ability to identify a spiritual bond between two ppl who are not yet together -

Please always remember love never dies -

*Be kind, loving & forgiving of yourself everyday of your life*

Steph, First of all I want to send my condolences! What your feeling is all normal reactions to grief. I'm a little further down the road with it, and I want to tell that I left my area for a few months and quess what everything I felt inside followed me along the way. You are not an awful person, you are just grieving. Take it one day at a time. You come to the right place to get the support you need.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the loss of the future you had begun to plan together. Please be patient with yourself. Young people your age are planning their futures, just as you were. Take it one day at a time. Yes as others have said, the monster is grief; you are unfortunately starting to go through this agonizing process. Don't make any major decisions until you regain balance. You are young and learning coping skills.

Just as with any wound, it needs to be cleaned up; be patient as you reorganize your life; cleaning it up so to speak. Then the wound even though it hurts deeply needs time to heal. It will heal. Stay busy, get regular massages, exercise, force yourself to eat balanced meals including fruits and vegetables. Look for ways to help others and pray for direction and the right people to enter your life. Read the Bible and put positive thoughts in your mind. As you slowly heal you will gradually feel better about yourself and become more accepting of your loss.

I pray that you find comfort and peace in your life. Others care.

I just want to thank every single one of you. Your words mean so much and are so helpful. Everyone is so great here. I already dont know what i would do without the support offered here. Again thank you all so very much !!!