That is so hard. My husband of 48 years had many secrets. I found out after his death. Prepare yourself... Sandee

Find out who your member of congress, senator, or U.S. House of Representatives is, and send him a copy of your post above...the complete disappearance of a veteran's SRB? "Bravo-Sierra", this is not the first time this kind of thing has happened.
You may have some good results from that, this being an election year.
Also, comb your records with a fine-tooth-comb and see if you can find his "DD214", his separation papers from active duty...if you don't have it at home, check the county hall of records in the county he enlisted from, probably where he grew up...you will probably need to show them a marriage record or death certificate to prove to them you have a right to it...once you get your hands on that, make copies and keep the original...make sure your copy is notarized, which it should be from the hall of records...a notarized DD214 has been known to wake up sleeping (or comatose) memories pretty fast.

You deserve the truth...for better or for worse.

I've had several family meembers in the military. Most were in the vietnam war. There are things they left behind and did not want to uncover. Just tread lightly whatt ever you do. I would find someone you trust to help with this. I agree with eighty eight.
Peace, TIm

My husband was a Vietnam vet. He was very secretive about much that happened there. He refused to let me pursue the fact that he had been a POW for 6 weeks till he managed to escape. He was adamant that I not try to find the proof though it would have given him more benefits and me as well. He said there is no proof and to pursue it could put us in danger. That sure shook me up. In regards to your situation...the last time records were lost forever happened to be with the Vietnam vets. Still the military does things in duplicate and there are records. Your best bet is to obtain his DD214. I highly recommend you contact your local veterans service officer. This person can assist you in navigating the red tape. Your local VFW post could help you find out who the Veteran Service Officer is for your area or you can probably find them online. Now, not all of them are proficient in all the benefits available but in helping you get the DD214 and his records, that should be pretty much a no brainer for them. If there is any letters or documents that have any mention of where he was stationed or any facts or post marks indicating where he was...keep those...they may be what you will need. I would try this avenue first before contacting the person your husband did not like. You never know what he did not tell you and it was probably to protect you. Good luck. --Cheryl

Here's how I see it. If I told my wife that if something happened to me, that I did not want her contacting certain named people, I would be doing it for her protection. Trust your husband. Do what he said. Just as I honored my wife's requests she made to me, please honor those requests made by your husband to you. ~~~ Scottie

Reg. service or reserves?

I found there were no records avail. for reserve service when looking for info. after my Wife passed away.

My honest opinion.
As much as I wanted know I would respect my husbands wishes. Sometimes manytimes the passednis best left in the past.
If your husband wanted it in the now he either would have brought it forward or told you.
Good luck in your decision

I don't post on this board Michele, not sure how I got here. We can "talk" one on one and those that are on our support site later. Must say, good to see you have some great supporters here!! We can never have enough . . however, I'll caution to be careful, as you know. xo

Hi Sandee. I am so sorry for your obvious pain at discovering the secrets. I am so fortunate that I found all his "secrets" during out time together and he could explain how they came about. Once I had his input into them, I realised they were nothing but attempts at life that didn't quite work out how they were intended. There was no hidden motive or agenda. Just life happened.
I hope that you find peace.

@ kclarkco96 - Curiosity might be getting the better of you. I agree with some of the sentiments posted. He was probably trying to protect you. Either from unnecessary / unwanted pain to be introduced into your life or something about which he was not proud. Either way. Respect his wishes. In the long run, it should work out for greater peace for you.
Love to all.

I totally understand, when sean died, I found out he had bought a car and didnt tell me, so the truth will set everyone free. If in your heart you want to know answers, he is not here, and you are, and you need the added help. I would ask, that person, because after all, your husband would want to make sure you were going to be ok. Just step gingerly, and ask only those questions you need answers too. Just my 2 cents worth, good luck, and know that you are doing nothing wrong by asking questions. Much love and hugs carla

I would like to thank everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. By you taking the time to read and respond means so much to me.

After intense praying and reading your responses, I feel that the Lord has laid it on my heart to just let it go. There are some things that are just better left unknown. He's not here to defend himself or answer any of the inevitable questions that would arise from any information that I would find.

I think that maybe I was attempting to channel my grief into a new found purpose of trying to satisfy my curiosity. While thinking about it I've come to conclusion that this would not be a productive way for me to heal and move forward with my life.

This information that I'm wanting to find out accounts for such a small snippet of time in his life. Since those years, we met, married, had three beautiful children, and lived a life of love that most people never get to experience. Ours was a love story that had to be fought for and we managed to stand up and endure numerous obstacles and we made it nearly 20 years. For that I will be everlastingly grateful.

Ultimately, when you get right down to it, I just miss him so terribly. I just feel like there's this huge bottomless pit in my soul that just won't go away. I know that in time I will adjust. Before, time seemed to flash with the snap of a finger. Now, time just seems to be moving so freakishly slow.

Thank you again to everyone. You all are my main form of support and I appreciate each and every one of you. You are all in my prayers.

I know there are cross checks on any money that changes hands. Even military pay. I and my husband received a lot of help on finding his fathers information from the veterans office. We gave them social security # which is also back then an employee ID number in the military as well as every other employment. They were able to track down military services, ribbons awarded even in field and other records and yes the DD214, from WWII. Income is dispersed by the number even if service records go away, this is a different area.

I hope that helps, also filing a freedom of information paper if it has been more than 20 years, the VA may help you with that too.

MY first husband was part of the 101st airborne division, he didn't come out of that without PTSD from what was ordered for him to do. So this "friend" of old may just have those stories, better left with him. But if you need the benefits? That's a different question. If you have a contact email tell him you only need the info regarding his service, troop, squad and a date to give to VA to help, you might even ask one of them to send the email. They were so helpful in my area even when my husband passed.
Good luck.
J.

very proud of you kclarkkco96! amazing insight, self knowledge, self control, and best of all, LOVE & RESPECT you have revealed to yourself.

and to us. thank yo. Stay strong!
nanne

HI kclarko96

I have to love it when life throws me one of my own lessons. After advising you to be careful who from your past you let into your life, I go and do the exact same thing I warned you about. An old colleague of my husbands' phoned me up and then offered to help me sell up our business. EVERYTHING in my entire body screamed run in the opposite direction. IN my great wisdom I thought better keep your enemies near, at least you know what they're up to than when they're plotting behind your back.

This man had taken a design of my husbands' sold it as his own idea, received incredible amount of glory for it and then gave it to his son to run. Never once acknowledging that my Mark was the designer. When I think of how he used to sit at our dining room table, pleading with Mark, chainsmoking due to stress because he was way out of his league in having been assigned this job and he didn't have a clue as to how to go about it. Mark sat day in and day out, helping him, for 4 /5 months to design what he needed. He promised Mark that he would get to run the project when it was approved.

I told Mark at the time that he should take him on. But he just said, he has those ideas and plenty more, if this guy needed to steal this one so badly then let him have it. He was a better person than I am.

Then I realised, I am scared of this guy. The reason I didn't want to get on his wrong side is because I know that he will stop at nothing to trample anyone to get what he wants. And then he had to nerve to tell me I am busy with "funny business" and he doesn't want to be involved helping me anymore. I tried hard to not say anything that could be misconstrued. But told him that he of all people dare not take the high moral ground with me because he is not qualified. I know what he did and I will expose him, if he dares to antagonise me any further. He must just leave me alone. Now suddenly he is treating me nicely because he is scared.

I prayed to God that this man must just be busy interfering somewhere else, please. Just keep him busy elsewhere so that I can get on with resolving my issues.

Be careful who you let into your life. The best of your intentions is no match against pure evil.

Peace to you all.