You are right -- so many adjustments - large and small. We were married 50 yrs., and he's been gone 5 yrs. - so I have been through many changes. It's good when we can at least try to do things ourselves and not have a pity party. I've had to adjust to my divorced son & his teen dtr. moving in with me. We are "settled in" now after a yr., but I was feeling crowded out of my space for a while. One way I try to stay positive is counting my blessings each day. Just having gratitude in our lives for what we DO HAVE helps so much.
Hugs to you - Doye

Yes I agree it is a real challang to learn how to do the things your spouse always did for you. I am having to learn how to cook now and I'm not very good at it. But learning and ahve actually made a few things that taste good. And a few the didn't but I ate it anyway. My wife was a good cook and I miss that but, I have to eat, also all the other things that she did for me, now I am learning to do for myself, so far so good. Hang in there things will get better as time goes by.
Best to you.
Jeff

My husband had always made me very self sufficient. He traveled often when he was in the military and when I would ask him to take care of something for me he would tell me I needed to know how to do it because what if he wasn't around and I needed XYZ done? I would sometimes tell him I envied the neighbors wife whose husband would fill her car up with gas, wash it, check the tires etc. when I would always get so dirty doing those things for myself. Then last year on my way home from work I stopped to get gas and there was an elderly lady at the other gas pump just staring at it. I started pumping my gas and she came to me and said her husband was just admitted to ICU at the hospital and it didn't look good. She knew she needed gas to get home to check her pets but had no idea how to do it, could I teach her? I am now glad that I am not that lady... There is plenty of things he did for me that I don't want to do or I don't like to do....but I will have to.

Don always took good care of me and on other things I took care of him. They weren't separated by gender but by convenience. Losing him was an adjustment for me too. Just being alone without the sounding board I was used to was hard.
On the positive side I've gained a lot of introspection being on my own and found I was capable of much more than I realized. Sharon

I totally understand your posting! My husband was so handy at everything. A couple of days after he passed, I had problems with my phone. Three out of four cordless phones didnt work, so I got another set and figured it out on my own. It really wasnt a big deal, but my heart was racing the entire time. I knew he was chuckling up above, knowing it was a challenge for me. I felt good afterwards, going completely out of my comfort zone. I need a FIX-IT man! Now I have to handle the 2013 taxes, THAT will be a huge challenge.....Patricia

I'm fairly handy and somewhat independent but I'm not very secure about my choices, so I have problems making decisions sometimes. I always had to bounce things off my hubby, whether I really needed his input or not. I think I just loved the sound of his voice.

One issue at a time I'll learn to do my taxes (ugh!) and will call repairmen (ugh!) and will get more confident about being alone. Can't see it now, but it'll come.

Love this thread! We're pretty amazing sometimes aren't we? We never know what we're capable of until we try something. Like most of you, my husband could and did handle almost all of the "guy" stuff (repairs, etc.). While there are a lot of those type things I can't do and have to hire or ask someone else to do, it's pretty neat the things I have learned to do since hubby changed his address!! He's proud of me I know! :) We're stronger and smarter than we realize sometimes!

In the last 2 weeks, I have contacted plumbers, gas company, furnace repairmen. Set up times and prices for them to come. Not a one of hem showed up. Then I have contacted them again. And give them the what-for, for not showing up!!!!! What am I doing wrong?

You are so right that was the hard thing for me to have too take care of things on my own. My husband did everything around the house he was so handy. I had many crys after losing him trying to do things that he should of been here doing. But over the years it has gotten better at least know I can try to fix it if not I have to call a repair man.

Before I met Clint I was a single mom with 4 children, ages 12-19and very independent. When I married him, I had to restrain myself from going ahead of him and doing what had to be done. Fast forward 36 years after being spoiled, I don't want to take charge again, but now I have to. Life is something, isn't it?

My wife was a wonderful cook and I am lacking a little in that dept. I was her sou chef. I helped her chop and dice and what not but she was the director in there. Now with her gone I am at a loss in the kitchen as well as other areas. I am not eating as well as when she was with me. I can't cook like she did but I am trying. I am trying to eat well and choose and cook good foods. Nothing I make can be like what she made. So you gals are missing your fix-it men but us guys are missing our loving chefs.

Like many of you, any time something went wrong around here, I would tell my husband and he would take care of it. But, I can't do that anymore and I'm as "green as green can be". I didn't know how to do hardly anything when it comes to repairs, etc. Just this week, I was asked something from a friend about the fireplace and of course, I didn't have a clue. I replied with, "I don't know. I'm in learning mode". He always took care of it and he wasn't one to talk about it much. Probably because he knew I wouldn't know what he was talking about. But, I'm learning.

My wife Anne and I used to think we were opposites of a lot if couples. She was the backbone of our marriage. She took care of so many things. She paid the bills, did taxes, got the cars fixed and oil changed. Just a few weeks before she passed away she had a new heat and air system put in the house along with a new roof. She was getting things done for me. She wanted me to be ok. We shared household duties as we both held jobs. I did the yard thing.

She was truly an amazing woman and not only do I have to adjust to a lot but so does our family friends and community. I could write a book. I couldn't be more proud to have been Anne's husband.

I did learn how to write a check again. Not sure about the taxes.

Robbie

I learned never to load the frozen items in the grocery cart 1st on a hot August day, then somehow believe you have time to stop at Starbucks before driving the 12 miles to my residence.Seriously, I have always marveled and appreciated what she did for us, and made it look so easy, when it is not.Youtube is a great resource for domestic dummies like myself. I think Sharry rolls her eyes at me a lot less now than this past summer. love; Robert