Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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loveddogs 06/10/2015

Well maybe one thing, I didn't cry as much. Not yet anyway. What future do I have without him. I love my kids and my beautiful grand daughters to pieces, but it is a different kind of love. A motherly love. My husband was my soul mate and half of me is gone. He was so gentle and loving and would have given me anything. Which he actually did. He gave me him for 40 years. So I guess today could be the first day of the rest of my life. What do I want to do with it. Bring him back, we weren't done. Or clone myself so I can be here and be with him too. These last several years I seemed to live in fear of the next complication and we made it through. And I was so worn out with constant trips, appointments, dialysis etc. But now I seem to have developed an even greater fear of life without him. I just can't force myself to do anything productive. All I want to do is go to sleep, that is my escape. But I don't want to wake up again without him here. How did people survive in days gone by. I know they used to wear black for a year. As if to say leave her alone she is too vulnerable. But the world just continues to go on. And I am stuck in this miserable nightmare that won't let up. Oh sure I can act the role for a while as if I'm ok. But the slightest thing sends me into another talespin of agony. I don't want to go forward, I want to go back to when he was healthy and just freeze time. Who will love me the way he loved me???? and what do I do with all this love for him if he is not here???

joannklingaman 06/10/2015

Loveddogs.... As I have said before in my other comments, You & I have so much in common, other than I don't have beautiful kids or grandkids because we didn't have any children.

However we both were married many years & our spouses were the love of our lives. Just feel so lost & like you, just don't feel productive. I clean house etc. but other than that ...could care less & I was never like that with Larry. I want to go back & freeze time like you....I would give up everything I have to have him back.......sigh

wendimac 06/10/2015

I feel the exact same way as you do...and I can't get much of anything done, either...it's so unfair that they had to suffer, and that we are left alone in this world. June 21 would have been my husband's 60th birthday...I just turned 45 a couple of months ago, and while I can't imagine living the rest of my life alone, I can't imagine being with anyone but him.
This probably sounds kind of morbid, but whenever I read about a couple in the news dying together in some accident or something, I almost envy them...as neither will ever have to live without the other...
I do believe my husband's spirit is with me (not the same as him being here physically), but I do feel him. And I have no doubt that your husband is with you in the same way. Hugs, Wendi

loveddogs 06/10/2015

Joann, I have told my kids many times that if you truly love someone you would be happy in a tent as long as you are together. As most people have, we struggled with jobs, kids, schedules and all the other responsibilities that life throws at you, but we did it together. And this new alone thing is just so unfamiliar. Just miss him so much!

loveddogs 06/10/2015

Wendi, I know the feeling of wanting to have been taken when he was. Such unfamiliar territory. Everything he had is still here, but him. What is the whole purpose, I wish I knew. I too cannot and don't want to think of living the rest of my life without him either. And to can't imagine being with anyone but him. Guess we don't always get what we want. Just hope the days will at least get a little less miserable. Hang in there too, Michele

KimKos 06/10/2015

Sending another gentle hug....maybe you are not meant to go forward right now....maybe you are meant to get some rest ..maybe the accomplishments needed are just to cry a little less..a little more...and breathe...I know its hard to believe that it gets better ...I still get shocked by it and Im living it...how crazy is that!! I did find by turning my heart into a sort of keepsake box ..this is where I put the love for him...the memories...and because of all this insanity I think my heart has actually gotten bigger...I have actually learned how to hug myself especially when Im freaking out..

maryelnew 06/10/2015

I'm with you. It stinks. In some ways, I wish we were still in the days gone by and wearing black - I don't like this feeling of the world still spinning when I should be off it. If it was yesteryear, I would be allowed to get off and everyone would understand (in whispered tones) "she's a widow". Now in our fast fast world, it seems like we are suppossed to be back to normal immediately and I just don't want to be. I don't want to clean my house, I don't want to pay bills, I don't want to have to go to work. I want my husband back - end of story please.

matoacalady 06/10/2015

Add me to the mix too.......past 2 days I can only cry and pace in this house......this lonely empty house. I just don't think I can do this.....the pain is just so bad.

All of these firsts are killing me....next week will be 5 months, then father;s day.....next month, 6 months and our 40th anniversary...on and on and on........I am so tired.

hgsdms 06/10/2015

Oh yes, I hear all of you and agree totally. I don't even have family to help for a little bit. The panic sets in sometimes and I also pace the house, go outdoors and pace, come back in, sit down at the computer, get up, etc, etc, etc. Absolutely nothing productive. Even after 14 months, I rarely cook anything for myself. Just get ready made sandwiches or salads at the store. I don't think any of us were prepared for how very difficult this is. Even for those of us who knew the end was near................never thought it would be this hard. Darlene

daisy146 06/10/2015

It is 10 months today that I lost my husband very suddenly and unexpectedly, practically right in front of me. I never got to say goodbye or attempt to prepare for it in any way. On a beautiful sunny morning he got up, and then bam! ..collapsed from what they say was sudden cardiac arrest. I will never forget the sight and sounds from him that morning. Everyone says I'm so strong, but as the months go by I'm starting to feel more and more depressed. I am very lonely and have tried to do everything suggested, but it doesn't seem to help. I go through the motions to keep a semblance of normalcy, but it seems so futile now. And I get so very tired all the time...I guess that goes with the territory. So I just keep taking it one day at a time...that's all any of us can do...and hope and pray that eventually things will get better.

sandeestttn 06/10/2015

28 months here. Add me to the list, of getting nothing done today. Sandee

npc4204 06/10/2015

I have days like that, too. I give myself little motivational talks ... clean the spare room, sort the paperwork, go for a walk ... it doesn't work!
All we can do is hope that tomorrow will be better.

Hugs,
Janie

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