Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Today I made it to work. I am happy I did. I am not feeling well today. I feel like I am coming down with a cold. I could have easily stayed home. I am in a new office and I feel loss. I pray everything starts coming together. I was so happy to leave my old job but I am hate these new days in a new office when you don't really have a clue what your doing. Because I have a doctorate everyone acts like I should have something profound to say about everything. I am learning something new. I am not suppose to be an expert in everything. I need to get back on target with my diet. This year I loss 31 pounds but somehow I got off track. It should be more like 40. I don't lose weight fast but still I need to get back on track. My knee seems to be hurting a little more than lately. I find myself limping. I need to go back to the doctor. I was thinking the 30 pounds would make a difference in how my knee feels. God help! I am so tried. I have to accept that Raymond is gone. My mother, sister and now Raymond are gone. I have to accept that. I feel lonely without them and nothing makes a difference. I keep expecting to get a text message or hear his voice but nothing. I feel like I am waiting for him but waiting for what. I feel stipid. It will be one year on 9/1. I haven't grieved because I was focusing on finishing up but now that I am at the end of the doctorate, I find myself waiting for him. I know it's very sad. Maybe not waiting but still thinking that this isn't real. I woke up the other day I hoped for one minute it he was just a dream. After he passed I was looking forward to spending time with my little great neice leiloni but my brother and sister in law want allow anyone to spend time with her. During the week she is with my brother and sister in law. During the weekend, she is suppose to be with her father on one day and with her mother on the other. So there is no time for me to allow her to spend the night and go to church. I have actually taken all of my nieces and nephews to church and spend the night. My sister in law told to not take my feeling out on everyone because I loss Raymond. Now how am I doing that but asking for my neice to go to church and spend the night. Yes I have absolutely the worse siblings. Our mom and dad are gone and now I am stuck with my siblings. They have never had to depend on them and now that I need someone to depend on they are still not there for me. After my mom died they werent there so I thought fast forward and try it again. Guess what? They are still not there for me. Such a simple thing to spend time with my little neice and take her to church. The reason this was important to me was because she seems the most like me. I have to accept that Raymond is gone and I can't spend anytime with my neice. I have work, sorority and church. Thats my life. No children! No family!
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Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...
Congratulations on finishing school, the doctorate and the new job!
On the other hand, the cold symptoms & knee pain are annoying :( Add to that the approaching day of a death anniversary, which sad feeling is as brutal as the flogging of our Christ before the cross. I am so sorry for your heartache, and I hope that you will continue the unselfish mission of keeping Raymond's love alive safely inside your heart. The feeling of love is so real - it has to be, because you still have an active hope to make a life together a reality. I witness to you the power of Christ resurrection as a surety to that hope. Christ was the promised Messiah; because of Him we will live with our loved ones again, which will be a mighty miracle. I look forward to the day myself. :-)
Auntie, acceptance: it seems to me that this is the greatest act of love that you can offer Raymond. In fact, you experience this tolerance to something very painful because of Raymond. And as sad as his death may be for you at present, carrying his child was a very special gift in which you both shared a bond. And your heart is still in bond with him & your unborn child. Keep in mind that life does not end at death. Christ tells, "Because I live, ye shall live also." (john 14:19)
More love to you today! And warm thoughts too.
Thank you for all of the love and encouragement. I sincerely appreciate it. I know my hope is in the Lord. He alone keeps me hopeful even when I can't see any evidence with my own eyes. There is something deep down inside that keeps me hopeful. We both look forward to the day that we will be reunited. Yes! Raymond and I share a bond.
Thank you for the encouragement of one day at a time. This is all we can do. Thanks for reminding me that we do have something to be thankful for. Loving someone even for a short period of time is still a blessing. Smile! We are all very unique so no person is the same and no love is the same. Looking back I am not sure how I was able to finish. I give God all the credit because there were times I felt I could go on. I hope there is a new and improved me. When you love someone deeply, losing them seems to take a lot away from you. I want to find my way.
Wishing you the best, and congratulations on your doctorate!
I have been thinking of your response to me all day long. You have an amazing way of seeing things full of energy and love. Such a gift.
Thank you for your response. I have been telling my brother in one way or another how much it means to me to have my little niece with me. I am not sure why it is this way, but I am going to try a different approach. I am going to pray for my little niece. I am also going to ask God for his help in this situation. When I see her, I see myself. I want her to know that I will always be there for her. I don't see myself in my family. The three most important people to me are gone; my sister, mom, and Raymond. Leilani is my youngest sister granddaughter. My youngest sister meant the world to me. I help to raise her daughter only for her to call my sister Lonnie mom and now I am unable to see my little niece who is my sister that is gone, granddaughter. I have a crazy family. There seems to be one situation after the next full of hurt in one way or another. I helped to raise my siblings and this is the best I can get from them. I which spending time with her Leilani didn't matter to me. After Raymond passed, I felt so sad. I spent a little time with Leilani, and I found myself smiling. She asked to spend the night so I told her she could stay any time she likes. Once my brother and sister and law got custody of her, they stopped talking to me about her and they stopped keeping me posted on her progress. this was odd to me. I grew frustrated because I felt cut out and I didn't understand why. I grew really frustrated and did not understand what was going on. I still don't understand. Ever since my mom died there has been craziness in my family. I was texting my brother and Leilani and the next thing I know, my sister in law is responding. She said that Leilani is spending time with her parents on the weekends and going to church and spending the night is secondary. She went on to say, that just because Raymond passed doesn't give me the right to take my feelings out on anyone. Keep in mind, all I wanted was to have my niece spend the night and go to church. I haven't been around much since Raymond's passing. I haven't shared my feelings regarding Raymond to anyone but this group. My sister in laws comments her my feelings. It felt like it was an unnecessary jab. I know for a fact that my niece does not spend time with her parents each weekend but I am at my brother and sisters in laws mercy when it comes to seeing my niece. It seems like a small request but an impossible request for some reason. I started asking for her to spend the night about six months ago. My sister in law is following the custody paperwork to the letter especially when it comes to me. Anyway, there isn't anything I can do.