Hi Honey, I can't believe that a year has gone by since you passed! It has been a year of absolute agony to say the least. I try to find comfort in the fact that you are no longer suffering and are with all those loved ones who passed before you. But it's so damn hard to convince myself of this while I am left here trying to find my way without you.
One thing we can count on is there will be change. And there has been. Josh is doing well, finally found a job and moved to Kansas. Living alone is dreadful, but somehow I am getting by. The house is so empty without you and now without him, but he needed to spread his wings and I know how proud you would be of him, as I am.
Andy and Crystal split after their move to Colorado and so she is back in Nebraska with little Avah and he has since accepted a full time permanent position with his job and moved to Austin. So very far away, I hate that he can't get back more often.
Sarah and Justin added their new baby Chet to the family. Now there are the four of them and Lola is such a proud big sister. Holding that precious baby brings me to tears because you are not here to share. Hell, everything brings me to tears all the time. I have never been a cryer, you know that, but this past year that's all I do is cry.
We have added three pups to the craziness here. Two of them are Josh's and will be moving with him at the end of the month. They are a hoot, but man the mess they make. Our poor little Romey joined you in Heaven last week. She was such a sweetheart, but another loss just about did me in.
I am trying my best to get through this grief nighmare, but it is such a tangled mess. There was no way I could have ever imagined how hard living without you would be. Nothing is the same, I am not the same and I have constant reminders and memories that shake me to the core.
I know our time on this Earth is short in the scheme of things, but trying to find my way through this thing called "life" is proving to be a huge challenge without you. Of all the losses we have endured through the forty years we had together, we always had each other to lean on. Now when I need you most, you aren't here. It just makes no sense to me.
I know you loved me for the rest of your life and believe me I will love you for the rest of mine. I am still in love with you. I just miss you more than words can describe. My heart is shattered. Everything I am, or have is because of you and the love we shared.
I am trying to find the will to go on, if nothing more than for the kids and those beautiful grandchildren. I want to be here to share everything in their lives and always insure them that their Dad and grandpa loved them and cherished them.
I want to believe that you are still here in spirit, we all want you to be. It's just so damn hard knowing I will never touch you again, call you again, you won't call me and on and on and on. Is there a reason for this level of cruelty? I have no idea. Just know that you are always on my mind.
Forever yours,
Michele