Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I've been spending time with a friend. He knows I am not interested in anything more. Any way we went to see a local band on Saturday night, I love live music. There was a 30 something woman we visited with for a few minutes and we saw here sitting in the venue with a man in a very elaborate electric wheelchair. She was out in the dance floor the whole night by herself. The band played very upbeat music and only 2 slow songs. She ran back to her table and grabbed a leather jacket that she had hanging on her chair. She then proceeded to wrap it around her and danced. When the song was done she kissed the jacket and hung it back on the chair.
So my first thought when I saw her at the table was how great that she was with the man in the wheelchair. Then after seeing the dance with the jacket I had different thoughts.
I was so saddened by that and now I can't pull myself out of my funk. I cried all day and work and the thought the kept replaying in my mind was "I don't want to continue on my own". I feel cheated that my Tim got taken from me. I am so sad to be alone.
I landed a great job and I have no one to share my joy with. I have no one to share my day with.
On to my victory. I felt that I was self medicating with alcohol, so I decided not to have alcohol at home. I only drink when I go out and the friend I go out with does not drink, so I usually just have one. I was crying all the way home and feeling super depressed so I stopped and bought a beer. Then when I got home I knew all it would do is make me cry. Here's my VICTORY, it's still in the fridge. Yay for me.
Sorry if I'm rambling I just needed to tell someone.
Hugs, Sandi
So my first thought when I saw her at the table was how great that she was with the man in the wheelchair. Then after seeing the dance with the jacket I had different thoughts.
I was so saddened by that and now I can't pull myself out of my funk. I cried all day and work and the thought the kept replaying in my mind was "I don't want to continue on my own". I feel cheated that my Tim got taken from me. I am so sad to be alone.
I landed a great job and I have no one to share my joy with. I have no one to share my day with.
On to my victory. I felt that I was self medicating with alcohol, so I decided not to have alcohol at home. I only drink when I go out and the friend I go out with does not drink, so I usually just have one. I was crying all the way home and feeling super depressed so I stopped and bought a beer. Then when I got home I knew all it would do is make me cry. Here's my VICTORY, it's still in the fridge. Yay for me.
Sorry if I'm rambling I just needed to tell someone.
Hugs, Sandi
I agree with Rosie. Let the tears come- and don't feel bad about it. It seems that as the time passes, I become less self conscious when I cry. Like you, it happens now at least once a day. I haven't cried much in front of my daughter- I've been so worried that my tears would somehow hurt her. However, tonight, while she was visiting, I cried. And, I think that my crying gave her permission to cry. Instead of being a bad thing, it was a good thing.
Congratulations on your new job! I know that it must hurt that Tim isn't there to tell you how proud he is that you landed the job, but I bet that if you closed your eyes, you could imagine, with very close accuracy, just exactly what Tim would look like, what he might say and what he would do when you gave him your great news. If it helps you Sandi, use your imagination to fill in a small fraction of that void you feel right now.
Thank you for sharing your news about the new job. Sometimes I wonder if anything really good will ever happen to me again- it has been less than three months for me- and sometimes it feels like it will always be the same old grind. I still have a hard time convincing myself to get out of bed.
May your new position lead you to brighter horizons!!!
Linda went home back in August so this past Friday was seven months for me. I'm not a teenager but at 57 I'm not out to pasture either. I completely understand what you mean about not having someone to come home and share little or big conquests with.
We shared everything with each other, bad or good.
We had talked about life after one of us had gone enough to know that Lyn would not wish me to live a lonely life until my time. It's still early for me at this point but I know that God brought us together and if it's meant to be He will send someone to me again. I was in my middle thirties and Lyn was thirty one when we began our relationship so we both knew what we wanted. And if I don't get involved again I trust He will bring something else in my life to keep me going while I wait. I would be OK with some new friends to count on since the others have done the ole' disappearing act.
So don't give up and take care of yourself. Your husband is watching and knows about your accomplishments, after all he is in your heart everywhere you go.
Peace, Tim
Good for you and your control with the beer. As I was pouring my wine tonight (and before I read your post) I was wondering if I was maybe drinking a bit too much of it lately, i have been going out a lot more than usual. Of course it would near impossible to go out less. I was always happy to share a cup of tea with my love at home. Often there are a few drinks involved in these outings. I am not concerned that it is a problem - just something I don't really do normally. I am normally quite attentive to my health but have not been eating well nor able to get myself moving for exercise, so don't need to add another unhealthy habit to the repertoire. I think I will follow your lead and back off some. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending a hug to you. Kate.
Hugs, Sandi