I just received a much needed sign! Sorry this is a lengthy retelling to you, but I want to put you there.

Like many of us, I've been asking for "a sign" for awhile now. Oh, I have a lamp that flickers on and off constantly, but there is every possibility it's just a faulty dimmer switch on the bloody thing; still I won't bring it for repair lest it stop (although that might be a good test of it)! & there were undeniable signs involving water, the cat Alice, and a dream from a higher power about John immediately after his death, but nothing since when I feel in absolutely desperate need of one.

Yesterday I was particularly down; I've been looking for employment for the past 3 months, after being laid off, and between recession, ageism, grief, and who knows what, destiny(?), I've had no luck. Sometimes fear and despair win out over faith and trust and yesterday was profoundly that; I didn't hear back from 2 interviews last week that seemed to have gone real well, and I spent the entire day - AGAIN - looking through online job boards that repeat the same stuff from other online job boards.

So finally around 4pm I give up to drag myself into the shower, thinking in the back of my mind I have to start prepping veggies for a soup I've been meaning to make, if it's going to be done before bedtime. But in the shower, my fear and despair for the future is just not letting go. So I put the stopper in the tub and draw a shallow bath, knowing I need to focus some serious prayer to God, to the spirit of John, and to any guides there may be loitering about, cuz I don't know what else to do here anymore on my own.

Half hour later, out of the bath & dressed, I come back out and, rethinking the kind of soup I want to make, get back on the computer to look for "chicken barley soup recipes". I open Google and begin looking through them one at a time - get to the 4th or 5th and the page kindly tells me it cannot load - hit the back arrow - still freezing - not going back to the search engine. Then suddenly at the bottom of the screen a pop up bar asks me if I want to "save, or save and open" a specific Google document. I think it's the recipe; instead appears an image of a colored flier for a neighboring church I've never been to. There is a beautiful picture of a sheep grazing by a tree lined creek and the inscription:
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. In verdant pastures, he gives me repose; beside restful waters he leads me; he refreshes my soul." Psalm 23:1-3

It's dated from July. 2015. So, realistically I had probably been looking for a church at that time - as I have been exploring different ones off and on since John's death a year and a half ago. But I don't remember this flier at all. Nor can I figure out the search path the navigation bar is showing me it resides on the computer - still that could just be me - I am technologically compromised.

But I do know enough to know I was no where near searching for St. Bernardine of Siena Parish...I was looking for "chicken barley soup recipes"!!!!

Furthermore, I then google the Parish's webpage and learn that this weeks bulletin and mass schedule are about The Feast of the Pentacost...the 50th day after Easter when Jesus descends onto the Apostles and anoints them with tongues/ flames/ the ability to understand messages from spirit.

I wept all evening...not in abject despair this time, but in awe and thankfulness that this is clearly an answer to my prayer, that indeed, I am not entirely alone, and they do hear me.
nanne