I lost my wonderful and loving soulmate and husband Gary of 33 years October 18, 2016 to a heart attack. He was only 56 years old. I found him in the early morning, I tried to save him and the firefighters and paramedics tried to save him. He was taken to the hospital but did not survive. He was put on life support as his last request was to be a organ donor. He gave his lungs to a double lung transplant patient. His final gift of life. I didn't say good bye but I did say "I will see you later". I miss him every single day. He was the love of my life. He had the most beautiful blue eyes. He was handsome, and I loved his laugh and smile and the way he hugged me I wish I could feel that again I miss that so much. I know one day when it is my time I will join him as he always told me he would wait for me. He has never broken a promise. 

 

The reason I am writing this is I see there are a lot of stories and new members to this site that no one wants to join but I am glad I joined. I have met a lot of wonderful people and have kept in contact with them since the day I joined. But it has been a tough journey and for all the new members I would like to say a few things and share with you so you too can get through this and try to make a new normal in their lives. I am going to be blunt but it is the truth and everyone here that has been through it for as long as I have will know and agree. So if you would like to read on please do so and I do promise you that everything I say does happen. 

 

At first you will hurt like crazy and you will be in a fog for a long time. My advice is just let yourself go through this fog. You will not want to do anything but lay in bed. At first I just wanted to curl up and I didn’t care if I died as well. I don’t believe in taking my life but I thought if I went to sleep and never woke up I would be okay with that but it never happened.  At first yes do what you need to but please always remember to eat and drink plenty of fluids. Even if it is toast at least it is food. Some might have family to be there for them but for me I didn’t have family they didn’t want to. You have to keep going and don’t stop. This fog will last for a long time and you must always remember that there is no set time to grieve. If people say you have to get over it and move on well don’t listen to them. Grieving will last forever. I still grieve for Gary. How to say it without hurting anyone is I promise you that in time you will be able to think of your loved one without breaking down. I still break down on special occasions or holidays but it was better than when I first lost him. I can now think of him and smile and remember sometimes with tears.

 

You will want to sell everything well my biggest advice is don’t do anything for a year and don’t make any BIG decisions until later on. You will thank me. I know I wanted to sell the house and the car but someone told me don’t do anything until at least a year and I am glad I did. I would have regretted selling the house and car. I today still in the house and the car. You have to give yourself time. Grieving is and will be with you and you have to get through this first.

 

I talk to Gary all the time, and sometimes I put on music and clean, I cry and it feels better after I am done. Don’t be afraid to cry and scream and talk. I did that for a long time and it does help. You need to do what you need to do to get yourself through this horrible journey. I remember someone telling me it will get better and I didn’t want to hear that as I never believed that but things do change and things will get better. That I promise. But it takes strength and courage and in time you will come through the fog. 

 

Another thing I did as well and I know some people think it won’t work but it does help is get some grief counseling. It took at least 6 months for me to decide to go. It took a best friend to yell at me to get me out of the black hole I was falling into. I saw a wonderful grief counselor and she helped me through this and made me see that there is another side to this journey. Then after I went to group therapy and met others that are going through the same thing as I was. It made me realize that I was not the only one in the world going through this. Yes it brought up a lot of emotions and yes I cried and yelled and I got things out that I thought were not even bothering me. Those were the best months and I am glad I got the nerve to go. 

 

I also met a lot of good friend here on this site and we have got through this together and we talked and gave each other advice. This is a wonderful site to be on and help out with what you are feeling. I have been through a lot on this site from meeting wonderful friends to scammers that took my money. You also have to be careful on who you give your information to. Real true grieving people will not ask you for any emails outside this site. I learned the hard way as they say things that make you feel better and feel good about yourself. They are nothing and they will take you for everything. If they ask for an email outside this site don’t do it until you know they are real people and not scammers. Real grieving people will talk on this site and nothing more. Take caution as they come in all sizes. If they say they are in the army and can’t go on this sight all the time. They also say they work in dangerous areas of the world well if it is so dangerous why are they on the site to begin with. I was in a fog and they said all the right things. I know better now that I think of it going back.  Keep within the website and stay on the site when communicating with other. 

 

What I want to say is it does get better I do promise that. It may not seem like it at the beginning. You go through fog and it feels like there is no end but there is light on the other side. You will know when you get through it and when you do you will start a new journey. A journey that you will have to find and it is called a new normal. It will never be the same as you had when you lost your loved one but it will be a new normal just for you. You need to help yourself and you have to take one step at a time and one foot in front of the other and you have to keep going. Don’t stop. This is a long journey and one I am still taking. The most important thing is to get counseling.  YOU HAVE TO. I fell into a black hole and I knew I was and I didn’t care. I am glad now I did. 

 

It has been a long 5 years and I am still finding a new normal and I always will. But I kept on getting up in the morning and I kept taking baby steps. I did this for me and our daughter. Things will get better and now I have met another widow through a widows group. We used to meet up a couple times a month. He lost his wife to brain cancer. We take it one day at a time and when we have a bad day we can help each other out. Things do get better and I got help to get through this new journey. I helped me, and it was hard but I did it. 

 

I hope this helps and if you have any questions or just want to talk message me and I will respond. Stay strong and remember cry when you want , ride those waves and let your emotions out don’t hold them inside. Scream it is your place and I am sure my neighbors thought I was crazy but it helped. Most importantly get counseling and eat even if it is small. Have faith and stay strong you will get through this. If you want to read my stories please do as I even read them to see how I have grown and how I got through this. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.